As one ascends the spiritual steps, the descents become more profound. No spiritual renewal, deeper revelation, or ascent is possible without first falling. I detach from my previous state and feel as though I have never been spiritually elevated and never will be; I experience darkness, helplessness, and fear.

This fear is triggered by trivial, imagined reasons. I am frightened not even by people, but by shadows, like a small, scared child or animal.

This happens at all spiritual levels; the higher you rise, the more clearly you are shown that you are lower than everyone else. Everyone around seems to be fine, while you suffer from problems that are so trivial they are even embarrassing to speak about, yet at the same time, they are frightening. It is the feeling of a terrified infant who wants to hide in their mother’s arms.

One must value such states, understand their benefits, and try to work with them correctly. Then we will overcome them very quickly and return to the realization that “There is none else besides Him, the good who does good,” is the one who is playing with us. And so we unite and present our unity to Him as our response to this problem, and thereby rise above it.

Then the problem disappears and a new one appears, an even smaller and more insignificant one, yet one that frightens us even more. For the higher the ascent, the deeper the descent. This process continues until the final correction; through it we can increasingly clarity regarding the true nature of our states. There is no other way to understand our nature.
[225763]
From the Kabbalah Congress Preparation Lesson, 4/26/18

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