Comment: You said that when you traveled with RABASH to Tiberias, there were moments when you did not understand anything and hated yourself.

My Response: Yes, of course there are such states.

During the long evenings in Tiberias, I would sit on the open terrace, smoke a pack of cigarettes, think, and not know what to do. I could not imagine any possibility of taking even a small step: “How could I? Look who I am with! The only great Kabbalist in the world! And I am beside him, alone, right now! What can I ask, what can I talk about, what can I absorb from him?”

But after such hours of questioning, searching, and self-torment, a true question, a true desire began to awaken. All of this is necessary preparation for each of us and for the whole group.

Question: What was the main topic of your conversations with Rabash? What did you talk about with him? You could not have spoken only about Partzufim and Sefirot all the time.

Answer: We talked about that too. I asked many questions about the general development of the system of creation, which greatly interested me.

I wanted to form a clear inner structure for myself, even if not developed in minute detail, because there are so many details and not enough inner energy for all of it. Frankly speaking, detailed research did not interest me much because it is meaningful only when you feel it with your senses.

But overall, the very structure of the universe seemed incredibly enticing to me: the beginning of creation, the end of creation, the entire sequential cause-and-effect, purposeful, inevitable, step-by-step process, the forces acting at each stage, the necessity of every action, and so on.

That is, nature itself, its unified, natural law passing through from the upper worlds, through our world, and back to the upper worlds—how could that not be interesting?

Back then, I discovered this system for myself as if molding it within me. It helped me, first, to understand many Kabbalistic texts, and second, everything else that I later revealed.

The attainment of reality, the forces operating at our level between it and the upper world, the interaction of man with nature, the development of languages, the development of history—all of this gradually assembled itself for me into a single picture.

It is precisely with this picture, based on the spiritual model of the worlds’ development, that I went through my entire life. I formed it within myself by the age of thirty-five and afterward continually added new data to it from what I read, heard, and researched.

I always wanted to see the synthesis of all ideas, qualities, and manifestations. The picture of nature is one, unified, whole, eternal, perfect harmony: on one hand constant and unchanging and on the other, evolving before our eyes depending on the level of perception, on the worlds, on the degrees.

It is such a stunning, multilayered, multifaceted, multistage tapestry across many dimensions that gives a person a feeling of eternity, perfection, and attainment, and it fills him! That is just how I am built.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Next to Rabash” 8/14/10

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