Comment: There is a touching love story told of two twenty-two-year-olds; we even know their names: Jess Peak and Joe Matthews. It began 20 years ago in a nursery school and continued through kindergarten. At the age of four, Matthews proposed to Peak and they had a make-believe wedding. After kindergarten, these two British kids went to different schools and lost contact.
And now suddenly, after 14 years, they met on a social network and realized they had been waiting for this meeting all their lives. They are just as happy together as they were back in kindergarten and nursery school. They are happily planning a wedding today. That’s what the buzz is all about on social media. “This is indeed love!”
My Response: What kind of love is this? They haven’t been together.
Comment: They didn’t see each other, but they kept this longing for each other.
My Response: Well, this is true. Things that happen in childhood leave great impressions.
Question: Now they are getting married. They say that most likely this wedding, this connection, will be a guarantee that they will have a long and happy life. What do you think about this conclusion?
Answer: There is a book that begins with the words: “Rarely do we marry our first love.”
Question: Let’s say we rarely marry our first loves. But if we do, is that a guarantee?
Answer: No. Usually we go through many, many mistakes, trials, meetings, divorces, and separations. And then, at an age closer to the end rather than the beginning, we meet someone and start appreciating [this connection].
Of course, she is not the same little girl with bows anymore and you are not the same boy. Their ideas of connection, closeness, and relationships are totally different now. This is how it usually works.
Question: Do you think that until they go through hard times in their ups and downs together, we cannot say anything?
Answer: No! Only out of destruction can one learn. That explains why a person who has never gone through ups and downs is not able to appreciate things. He will not cherish a relationship.
Question: So, you’re saying that you’re in favor of a sense of destruction in a connection between people? As if everything falls apart?
Answer: Of course. It is crucial they experience such feelings also so they would protect their relationship and not let it get to this.
Question: But it will keep hanging over them, right?
Answer: By all means! They are two egotists! How can they cut selfishness out of themselves and become so sweet? It’s impossible. We meet, learn our lessons, come to desperation, and understand how to build a life where we strive only for good relationships. We no longer need to be in bad relationships as we used to in our youth, then in good ones, and so on; we need only good ones.
Question: But do ups and downs we go through at a young age lead us to this?
Answer: Of course! Without them, there is nothing. You must accumulate an arsenal of various negative sensations and states, and only then can you avoid them.
Comment: That’s interesting. You store weapons, fight, and then suddenly cast them aside.
My Response: This is how it will work for humanity.
Comment: Meaning, humankind is now accumulating various weapons, and then…
My Response: It will understand they need to be cast aside.
Question: Is that why now all wars and other troubles are happening? Is the accumulation of weapons also happening for this reason?
Answer: Everything is only for this reason. There can be no good without the recognition of evil. Not in private life nor in the general world.
Question: What advice would you give if these young people listened to you?
Answer: I don’t know if they have accumulated enough suffering and expectations or a desire to appreciate the other, to show every minute you love them, to care for them, to like them the way they are, and so on. In other words, they need to have qualities, impressions from life, which simply do not exist at a young age.
The accumulation of these impressions must take place during their lifetime. If there were such an injection to gain an instant understanding, to see things for what they are, we’d live happily. Instead, we get divorced, sometimes more than once. And only afterward, possibly, can we create the right relationships.
Comment: What is your advice to young guys and gals who enter a life together with the feeling everything will be just fine and they will live together forever!
My Response: They need to have very, very long, nagging conversations with each other. Spill out whatever each of them thinks, like two explorers. And gradually they will be able to reach a state where they will mutually explore themselves and one another.
Then life becomes interesting; it turns into research: how can we make our relationship different, to change it somehow, to get closer. And if so? What if it’s different? What if they constantly try to discover their qualities, feelings, and their relationship as vibrantly as possible? Even if people do think about such things and realize them, it’s only after about 50 to 60 years.
The time will come that people will live this way. But we can teach them about it! This needs to be said: we can train these youngsters how to become researchers. We can, so to say, “age” them by teaching them. They can gain practical experience.
Question: Even before they join together? Prepare them for this life?
Answer: Yes, of course. And then they will see for themselves how to act one way or another.
Question: So, you say young people should come to their wedding and begin their life as old people?
Answer: Yes, on the inside. Of course. Do you want them to discover who they really are through their own experience? No.
They must come with communication experience! As if psychological interaction. This will give them confidence that they will be able to overcome all sorts of challenges, to get closer and turn these problems into greater contact.
Comment: Beautiful! We talked about a scientific laboratory.
My Response: Yes. The world needs it very much!
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 6/27/22