Whom Do Men Marry?

laitman_564In the News (Legacy Project – Cornell):I’ve spent time over the past year talking with young people about their hopes for marriage. And the question that comes up more than any other is: ‘How do I know if the person is the right one for me?’ Is there a way to tell if someone is likely to be a compatible long-term mate, or a difficult and contentious partner?

“Sounds complicated, right? But in our interviews with hundreds of long-married couples about what works and what doesn’t for a long and satisfying relationship, one simple and straightforward answer emerged again and again. It turns out that our elders believe there’s something close to a ‘magic bullet’ when it comes to deciding in a relationship: ‘Should I stay or should I go?’ And it all comes down to similarity. …

“Based on their long experiences both in and out of romantic relationships, the fundamental lesson is this: You are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar. And if you’re very different, the elders warn although that marriage can work, is likely to be much more difficult.”

Question: Does this have a spiritual root?

Answer: Of course, those who are alike are attracted to each other in every aspect of life.

Question: Does breaking this rule have any implications?

Answer: In such cases it is very difficult to adapt yourself to that person because you have to get used to him and understand him. After all, psychology, ideology, awareness, insight, and tastes require a close match, which none of us, being egoists, wants to do because it involves an enormous expenditure of energy. If people connect, they have to choose someone they can understand very well. Men usually subconsciously choose women who resemble their mothers and women choose men who resemble their fathers.

I wish you all to find the half that is right for you.

Question: Is the Creator the right half for us?

Answer: In order to become His half, we need to resemble the Creator. In this case, the same rule applies—the law of similarity, equivalence of form. We should bestow and love to the extent that He does, and by acquiring this attribute, we get closer to Him.

Question: Do I have to feel that the Creator gives and bestows?

Answer: We begin to feel Him to the extent that we acquire this attribute.

As for marriage, we can take an example from religious families. They marry men and women from their environment, who have been brought up in the same way. They don’t need to learn what their spouse likes or doesn’t like, what he/she is used to, or what kind of life they will lead.

They have seen all that at home and will continue to live this way in their family. They match each other from the start. They resemble each other and so they co-exist without any unpleasant surprises. This is what similarity means. In Orthodox families it works 100%.

Therefore, it is preferable to choose a partner according to likeness. If we could screen young people and see the resemblance and equivalence between them according to certain criteria, it would be clear whether they were suitable marriage partners or not.

All their assurances that they love each other, do not mean anything.
From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 11/1/16

Related Material:
Man And Woman — A Magnet Between Them, Part 2
In Love, Similarities Attract
Opposites Do Not Attract

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