Question: While reading The Zohar, why do I suddenly have feelings which are opposite my efforts to hold on to the right intention and think about the friends, a feeling of actual hatred?

Answer: It turns out that I think and worry about the friends and suddenly I feel how the hatred towards them is evoked in me. This indicates that I don’t find the work desirable yet and that I simply force myself to think about them, and so this type of work is eventually nullified.

But it is a good thing since it is already a clarification that I lack the foundation. Indeed, why should I worry about them all of the sudden? It is as if I were given some strange baby and am forced to take care of him, but I feel indifferent towards him, and actually have no feelings towards him at all. I worry about him as much as I can simply out of compassion and pity, and then I lose patience and demand that he would be taken from me. He made me feel so tired that I simply began to hate him.

However, if he were my baby, I would endure anything and take care of him infinitely. This means that love gives us power. If I don’t have the power to worry about the friends in the group, it means that I lack love. It is a nice revelation!

If I worry that all the friends advance and that we will all be rewarded with a revelation while reading, if I worry about them gently and lovingly like I worry about my baby, I can actually measure to what extent I advance towards the goal. It is a very accurate measurement. This attitude towards the friends comes from the Light that Reforms, of course, and not just like that. So I should thank the Light that illuminates and gives me such support.
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From the 3^rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/10/14, Writings of Baal HaSulam

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