The first part is rather difficult since we don’t exactly see what we are doing. But this is precisely what helps us renounce our egoism. If we could see what we are doing, then our egoism would participate in this process and only grow, and we would never be able to break away from it. So since we can only go forth with our eyes closed, that is, through separating from our egoism, gradually severing it from ourselves and transitioning to connection with the friends by exiting ourselves into the property of bestowal, then of course this is difficult for us.
Our path is based on the fact that we draw the upper Light, which influences and corrects us. In other words, I am unable to correct myself, I cannot rise above my egoism, I can’t do anything with it at all, but I can draw the upper Light upon myself.
Therefore, exertions in the wisdom of Kabbalah are very interesting and differ from exertions in our world where I directly affect an object, an area, or the properties that I wish to change: Here it is different. If I want to change something, then I have to draw the Light upon that object, that dimension, or those properties, so that the Light would change them. Thus, I’m constantly addressing only the Light so that it would change these properties.
How does the Light know which properties to act on?
It’s very simple. If I’m advancing toward the property of love, of mutual bestowal, toward the property of connection with the friends, if I’m trying to unite with them, then I discover that I’m an enormous egoist who wants to exploit them, who wants only personal gain, and who couldn’t care less about everyone else. When I discover this in myself and it evokes enormous suffering in me, then I begin to ask the Light to correct me. In revealing my inner egoism, I begin to turn to the Light and ask for it to change me.
That is, I prepare an enormous uncorrected desire, reveal it in myself, and I feel how disgusting it is to me, how repulsive, how much I don’t want for it to exist inside me; it’s like a cancer that I want to cut out of myself—and then I turn to the Light so that it would perform this surgery on me.
Thus, we have a very clear progression on our path: I’m moving all the time toward connection with the friends, towards the purpose of creation, the property of bestowal and love. I’m always moving towards exalting these properties, parameters, and definitions above myself, to make them my highest values. In the end, I reveal how opposite I am to that, how much I don’t want it, how artificial it all is in me, and so on. And then, from this bitterness, I cry out to the Light.
So there’s a big problem here: People who aren’t capable of realizing this and who aren’t capable of suffering will not be able to go through this path. Moreover, the suffering is qualitative. A person feels it during normal life, even when everything is going really well for him. This is the suffering of love, when I would like to connect with the friends, when I know that it’s necessary, but I see that I can’t. Only this kind of suffering is meant here—no other!
It’s not about whether or not I know the subject well, not that I’m a wise guy or say, impatient—no! The only thing that I need to reveal is my rejection of connection with others. Only this! Bestowal! When I’m repulsed by connection with others, when I suddenly begin to despise it, to not want it, this is precisely the property that I need to grab onto and to ask for its correction. This is the entire secret of Kabbalah. There is nothing else!
Therefore, the first part of our path is a gradually increasing revelation of evil within us, and then, in a single moment it becomes corrected. This is why there are two phases to our advancement.
The first phase is when throughout a few years we accumulate enormous, heavy, and lengthy suffering.
And then, in a single moment it becomes corrected, and we open our eyes and see a completely new picture around us. It turns out that the entire creation functions in the property of bestowal and love: The entire world works this way, while to me in my egoistic properties it appeared that it was built on properties of egoism, conquering, violence, brutality, and so on.
This is similar to how laboriously a rocket heads for its orbit in outer space, but afterwards, during orbit, in weightlessness, a calm suddenly sets in: Everything is quiet, the engines stop working, and you are out in space.
From the Virtual Lesson 11/18/12