The key is to gain a correct desire. We start with a small spark, without any idea of what we really want. We are brought to a place where they study Kabbalah without any understanding of what is being studied and why we should try to belong.
However, gradually, while doing all the sorts of things that we do and do not comprehend, we eventually start getting an idea, a feeling, and knowledge. We clarify our attitude to all this and realize who we are, what we are expected to do, where we are, and what process we are going through.
Thus, from a state of total ignorance, lack of knowledge and understanding, from an unconscious, instinctive yearning, we make a gradual transition to a state where we gain more clarity and see more details, what caused them, and why they are necessary.
At this point, we begin sorting out what is more and less important for us and while reading the books, search for what we’ve read within ourselves. We assess whether we have the notions of bestowal, reception, and the desire to bestow to the Creator, which seems totally artificial and unreal to us. We don’t comprehend the notions of love and connection to the friends that are being discussed.
The only thing we can still hope for is the Light that Reforms. All transformations on the spiritual path, from the state zero, the point in the heart, and further on, occur solely by virtue of the Light. If a person thinks that he can do something else and advance in some other manner, he is making a big mistake that could halt him on the path or even sway from it completely.
Therefore, he must do his best to learn about his connection with the group: to what extent he is unable to maintain it or doesn’t feel the need for and remember it since he doesn’t like thinking about and is appalled by it in the first place. One must assess all these negative things for himself without sinking in them.
Rather, every time something like this is revealed to you, keep rising above it. Even if you are unable yet to overcome this resentment naturally and employ it to do the work, that is alright. The key is to feel it for a mere instant and, without holding yourself back, keep moving forth.
In these efforts toward advancement that you make despite your feeling disdain, resentment, and rejection, there is now a certain plea, a prayer that draws to you the Surrounding Light. Under the impact of the Light, your hatred shows as more concrete and defined, and you begin to better understand what and why you resent and loathe so much. In other words, you come to know your true nature.
Essentially, we always study only ourselves relative to a certain force regarded as the upper Light. It isn’t the Light itself that we study, but ourselves against it as the background. It’s not the Light that we feel, but our being opposite to it. In doing so, we become ready to pray, to beg. After all, we must get these internal flaws corrected, rise above them, and move forward despite them. This way, our plea for the Light becomes more concise and precisely aimed.
Thus, the Light carries out its task and reveals the egoistic desire in us, the “evil inclination.” All of this is illuminated in us by the Light that cultivates our desire both quantitatively and qualitatively, thereby advancing us toward the goal.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/15/2011, Writings of Rabash