Question: How do we resume the aspiration for spirituality after the Convention?
Answer: At the Convention you felt an obstacle that is getting in your way – Pharaoh. This was the first time you encountered it and you understood what the ten plagues are: We want to achieve the connection with others, but we are being pushed back.
Now we need to understand that in response to the blow that we received, we must develop our own desire equal to the force of rejection. This only comes through unity with the friends while studying, where our study becomes an appeal for the unity of desires.
We already have a deficiency and impression from the collision with egoism (Pharaoh), the egoism that separates me from spirituality. It’s as if I literally hit a wall that’s between myself and the Upper World, and this wall is that potential negative force that has pushed me back.
I received a blow, but I have to discern that I am egoism, and if I am able to rise above this blow through faith above reason and develop an opposite force, then I will advance into this structure, into the wall. Then the next blow will come, and so on, and this is how I will pass the Machsom (the barrier that separates us from spirituality), which has five levels of depth (Aviut) or ten Sefirot, just like any phenomenon in spirituality.
We have already begun this attack, and every time it will become clearer to us what we need to attain and what we need to fight. Now I need to distinguish the disappointment, pain, the blow, and the rejection in me, and instead of relating it to me, relate it to the Pharaoh within me.
When I am united with the group, the blow does not hit me, I am above the rejection and disappointment. This helps me distinguish the “I” who strives towards the Creator and the Pharaoh (the “I” in me).
But what should I do with the disappointment and helplessness? Ask the Creator for help! I finally need Him now, but not before. Before we used to think that we can attain unity with the group, the mutual guarantee, and the revelation on our own.
We never accepted the Creator as the third main force which does the entire work. That is what it is called: the Creator’s work (Avodat Hashem). We only evoke it.
From Kabbalah for Beginners, “Yearning” 11/15/10
The Wall Inside