The only freedom of choice we have lies in our desire for spirituality or more precisely the point in the heart, which we can raise above all the other desires. As soon as I raise the point in the heart above the whole heart (egoistic desires) and aim myself directly toward the Creator (become “Isra-El”), my heart immediately begins to turn, swell, and increase in size. I experience this as feeling a descent, whereby spirituality ceases to be important for me and nothing shines; there is only darkness.
This indicates that the point in the heart is already, again, situated below the desires of the heart and that egoism has risen above it. Again, I begin to work in order to escape these desires and to elevate the spiritual point above them. However, as soon as I do this, once more my heart receives an additional heaviness. In this manner their mutual importance flips around.
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/10/10, “Introduction to The Book of Zohar”