Two questions I received about men’s and women’s desires

Question: As I understand, a man has to feel all the women’s desires as his own, and then ask for their correction. But what about a woman – does she feel only her own desire? And does she then need to transfer it to the men?

My Answer: A man should feel all the desires of the whole world as his own, and ask for their correction. A woman can feel only her own desire and aspire to transfer it to the men’s group, to those who aspire to the Mutual Guarantee (Arvut).

Question: If a woman is Malchut, the will to receive, then how can she attain the quality of bestowal?

My Answer: She does it by transferring her will to receive to the men’s part, the will to bestow, and this results in the desire “to receive for the sake of bestowal,” which is equivalent to bestowal.

Related Material:
Laitman.com Post: Women’s Spiritual Progress
Laitman.com Post: We Are the Pioneers!
Laitman.com Post: Woman = Desire
Lesson for Women at the 2005 North American Kabbalah Congress

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Two questions I received on the correction of a woman’s soul

Question: You have provided many explanations about a man’s path of correction – he studies, works in the group, and through this attracts upon himself the Light that returns to the source and corrects his soul. I’m trying to understand how a woman corrects her soul, and the only answer I can find is that she doesn’t attract upon herself the Light that returns to the source, that this is the man’s work, and that a woman needs to study and disseminate, and this way she corrects her soul. Can you give a more detailed explanation of the spiritual process that a woman’s soul goes through when she studies and disseminates on her path to correction?

My Answer: The difference is:
1. A woman does not unite with other women in a group, in “love for her neighbor or for her girlfriends,” but rather she unites with other women only through helping each other disseminate Kabbalah.
2. She doesn’t receive help directly from above, the way the men’s group does, but receives it through the men’s group. This is explained in the story about the reception of the Torah, where the men carry out the condition of Mutual Guarantee (Arvut), and the women support them with their desire. As a result they receive it together – the men conduct the Light to the women. The difference is only the order in which they receive the Light from above, and it practically doesn’t matter. That is to say, a woman doesn’t feel it in any way if she studies and disseminates. Moreover, a woman should study Kabbalah only to the extent that she feels a need to do so, and no more than that, whereas the men are obligated to study between one and three hours a day.

Question: Today women are reaching the same spiritual states that you, the men, are going through. But you have a safety net – a group of Bnei Baruch wives. What about us – women and mothers, and what about our children?

My Answer: The men of the world Kli have the support of the women’s part of the world Kli. This is what I feel, whereas you are looking at bodies instead of spiritual desires. A spiritual desire is not connected to the body, it’s beyond it. Imagine the world without our bodies – a space filled with uncorrected desires that aspire to be filled, rather than to bestow to one another and connect into one common desire. These desires subdivide into active ones – masculine, and passive ones – feminine. It’s similar to conception, where the male cells move and penetrate the female cells. And then a new body is born – a common desire.

Related Material:
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #1
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #2

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Two questions I received on a woman’s relationship to a man in spiritual progress:

Question: I may be wrong, but I think that a woman can attain correction on her own, with the help of Rav’s instructions, books, and dissemination, without a man to attract the Light for her.

My Answer: That’s absolutely correct. If you do everything you should, then you will not need the men’s help. Even without knowing who you are, the common men’s world group will do all their work for you to the degree that you do your work, because on the spiritual path, we exchange desires.

Question: On the one hand, my desire is constantly growing and is becoming difficult to bear, and on the other hand, my ability to disseminate and study is limited due to various circumstances (if I am able to do it at all). I think that if I had a stronger sensation of my desire’s influences on my husband or the men’s group, then I would feel useful and blessed. Do you have advice or a solution to this?

My Answer: You should delve deeper into yourself, work through the new sensations you feel, define them, and demand less from others. Everything depends only on you. Besides you, everything is ready and prepared for your correction.

Related Material:
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #1
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #2

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A question I received in response to the post Women as Leaders of Nations: Concerning women as leaders of nations… Since it doesn’t correspond to the spiritual system, and since “there’s only one truth and only one path to it (the same path through which we descended from the World of Infinity),” does this mean that a woman did not come down from the World of Infinity and cannot ascend there, and therefore she does not have any reasons to study Kabbalah?

My Answer: Your conclusion is unclear. A woman has a root in the thought of creation because she represents the created desire. A man, on the other hand, represents the Creator’s attributes and realizes correction based on the woman’s desire. Both must be partners in spiritual correction, each in their own role.

A question I received: I feel a bit of a paradox here. Men and women operate on different frequencies and don’t understand one another very well. Also, a man needs a woman’s desire in order to attain the goal. If the Upper Force is the only thing that can bring people to “mutual understanding,” how should the male part ask to perceive the female desire?

My Answer: Desires are transferred “through the air,” they “linger in the air,” so to speak. People have no need to communicate in order to perceive each other’s desires.

A question I received: If God created Adam, why did He need to create a woman after Adam’s separation?

My Answer: It is precisely the female part of man, of nature, which creates the desire to bring everything to correction.

A question I received (from a woman): Can a woman ask that a man would finally feel the desire for correction to its fullest extent?

My Answer: This is the only thing that will force men to ask for correction, both for the man and for you.

Related Material:
Kabbalah Today Article: Man, Woman and the Snake Between Them

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A question I received: I am a woman who’s invested a lot of time and effort in my academic education and work. At the same time I have a strong need to invest in my child. In addition, I have many talents that I haven’t yet realized in my career. Searching for answers, I stumbled upon Kabbalah books, which have stirred me and fulfilled me. But I still haven’t resolved this problem.

My Answer: So now you have an additional problem: How do you realize yourself in Kabbalah? My advice is to study Kabbalah, raise your children, and advance your career, and gradually you will find the balance between all of them. Our existence in this world obligates us to do so.

A question I received: Recently I started feeling sorry for myself: How do I combine housework, family, children, and spirituality? How do you suggest I deal with this state? Besides, since I started studying Kabbalah, I find it boring to be around friends. And I also have a desire to belong to a group.

My Answer: Every person who encounters Kabbalah experiences this state. This science is about correcting oneself in all aspects of life, including family, work, children and so on. Within all of this, we must solve the question of searching for the Creator and uniting with Him, and then we will discover Him in everything that surrounds us.

A question I received: You teach that first and foremost, a woman must “fulfill her earthly responsibilities, and only in her free, personal time, study what interests her, without imposing it on anyone else.” My question is: Does a woman have personal time? Where can I get personal time if I have practically no remaining time?

My Answer: Among thousands of women studying in our network, I haven’t yet encountered one woman who, if she wanted, could not free up at least half an hour a day to read or listen to something. Nevertheless, you can listen while doing any household chores…

Related Material:
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #1
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #2

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A question I received: What makes a woman truly happy? And is such a thing even possible? After all, every pleasant sensation passes, and is replaced by another. What change is needed for someone to feel happy? And how would a woman experience it?

My Answer: Happiness lies in fulfillment: the Light fills the vessel, and the vessel thus experiences happiness. Fulfillment by reception immediately disappears, leaving behind even greater emptiness. Perfect and eternal fulfillment is possible only through bestowal to and love for the one whom you fulfill, and this is what fulfills you. Therefore, “love your neighbor as yourself” is the rule for personal happiness!

Related Material:
Article: Love, Deciphered
Article: It’s All about Pleasure

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A question I received in response to the post What Do You Do with an Unsupportive Wife?: What does a woman who studies Kabbalah do with an unsupportive husband? What happens to the children? Is it correct to believe that the Creator has put us in this situation for the good of all, or should I do what is important for me as a woman?

My Answer: First and foremost, you should fulfill your earthly responsibilities, and only in your free, personal time, study what interests you, without imposing it on anyone else.

A question I received on the Ask a Question page: If my husband’s soul isn’t yet ready for Kabbalah, does this affect my spiritual advancement?

My Answer: It has no affect on it whatsoever.

A question I received on the Ask a Question page: I am relatively new to the study of Kabbalah and I’m still a little confused about the woman’s role in Kabbalah (I’ve been attending the fundamentals lessons at www.arionline.com and this subject came up last week about men and women having different methods of study, which led me to the article “A Talk about the Spiritual Advancement of Women”). So, I have the following the questions that I hope you can help me to understand better…

If a woman’s desire should be for the men to find/achieve the nine Sefirot, will a woman not receive the Light until that happens?

My Answer: No. Everyone attains spirituality at a different rate, because in general there are two groups advancing – the men’s group and the women’s group.

Question: Are the women totally dependent on the men to provide the path to spirituality or cohesion with the Creator?

My Answer: No. What matters most is a woman’s desire for the goal, while in general, men attract the Light by studying toward women’s desires. Every person receives the Light’s influence to the extent of his or her desire and efforts in dissemination.

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A question I received: You once said: “Egoism’s growth doesn’t allow for romance. Today, romance no longer exists and it isn’t going to come back. Instead of a husband, today’s egoism demands the Creator!” Here lies a serious problem. In order to start a serious relationship with a woman, one has to as if, skip something. In the past, a man would meet a gentle and fragile girl who brought out the strength within him, and whom he wanted to take care of. These instincts kicked in automatically. Today, we don’t meet “gentle women.” The women today have turned into aggressive hunters. How does one develop a desire to fulfill a woman?

My Answer: It’s time to shift your attention to the Creator, since as you can see, women no longer need it.

Filed under: Kabbalah Study, Love, Man and Woman, The Creator, Women, Women's Spirituality - 2 Comments →

A question I received: Why did the Creator create earthly love between a man and a woman? What does it teach us? What are we supposed to do with it?

My Answer: It’s is a result of a relationship in the Upper root, ZA (Zeir Anpin) and Malchut of Atzilut, which we need to attain. In reality, we are all wives in relation to the Creator, or in other words, we all desire to receive pleasure from Him.

Related Material:
* On Love and Marriage – discussion between M. Laitman and Kabbalah Academy instructors Michael Sanilevich and Eugene Litvar.

* Relationships – by M. Laitman, Kabbalah on the purpose of creation, man and woman, a woman’s nature, family, upbringing, drugs and love.

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A question I received: These days, many women are taking national leading positions. Some examples are Angela Merkel (Germany), Tarja Halonen (Finland), Vaira Vike-Freiberg (Latvia), Cristina Kirshner (Argentina), Pratibha Patil (India), Gloria Macapagal (The Philippines), Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf (Liberia), and Yulia Tymoshenko (Ukraine). It also looks like France and the USA are next. What does Kabbalah have to say about this situation of women taking national leadership?

My Answer: It doesn’t correspond to the spiritual system. In our era, equal rights seems correct and just, while the demands of spirituality (where the woman helps, directs, strengthens and approves, while the man attains the Upper Light of correction and fulfillment) seem sexist.

Nevertheless, if we don’t correspond (as much as humanity’s desire for spirituality develops) to Nature (the Creator, the property of absolute love), we’ll disfigure our existence. Our dissimilarity and imbalance evoke the negative forces of correction, which we feel as suffering, and Nature (the Creator) will nevertheless make us follow its laws by force.

So we can follow Nature laws either by being forced, i.e. through the path of suffering, or we can consciously will ourselves to follow them. The place of our freedom is not in inventing our own paths, because there’s only one truth and only one path to it (the same path through which we descended from the World of Infinity). The place of our freedom is in our aspiration (our request for correction), above our egoistic aspirations (to receive), and our striving toward the goal of Nature (to bestow).

Why is it that women are being allowed to take leadership positions in our times? It’s because they use their egoism more carefully than men. When it comes to today’s enormous egoism, a woman’s egoism is better and calmer than a man’s.

(In the photo: my daughter and I.)

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