Questions I received on women’s spiritual advancement:

Question: Dear Rav, I have a practical question. How do a woman’s Reshimot differ from a man’s? Or is it more that she endures the states of her man in the Hisaron (lack)?

My Answer: A woman is the desire, and a man is the correction of the desire, the intention of bestowal. In our world, a woman waits for a man to do something, such as to marry her, and her part in this is relatively passive.

This comes from the spiritual roots: When the soul acquires the intention of bestowal, it is called a man, whereas a soul that’s unable to bestow is called a woman. The parts of the Kli or soul are also called male and female for the same reason.

So, without paying attention to your gender in this world, start being a man – that is, actively participate in your private correction and humanity’s common correction! Otherwise, regardless of your gender in this world, you are a woman.

On the other hand, a woman’s desire is very strong and steady. Hence, one has to be a strong woman on the inside (have a strong desire), and a strong man on the outside (have a strong intention).

“A woman never has enough clothes” – this reflects the soul’s correct desire for correction, an aspiration for beautiful clothing – the Light of Hassadim, which reveals the woman’s (the desire’s) beauty. In other words, the Light of Hochma is revealed in the Light of Hassadim.

Question: What should a woman do when she studies Kabbalah together with her husband?

My Answer: Study separately just like everyone else, and study together with your husband for at least fifteen minutes a day.

Question: How should a woman act toward the other men in the group?

My Answer: The group bears no relation to her!

Question: What should she do to help the group advance?

My Answer: Help disseminate in every way possible together with other women, and study.

Question: What should a woman’s attitude be to the men’s and women’s Kli in the group?

My Answer: All the women together are helping the men and studying – whether on their own, together, or with their husbands. Women don’t have a group, but they unite in order to combine their efforts in dissemination, to help one another, and to study. In other words, they can unite in every way other than to implement the principle “love thy neighbor” among them.

Question: Recently I heard that women should not watch the second part of the morning lesson (the Talmud Eser Sefirot) in real time, because there is a chance that their female essence may change.

My Answer: Nonsense. A woman does not have to study Talmud Eser Sefirot, but she’s not forbidden from doing it!

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Two questions I received on a woman’s desire for a faithful companion, and women’s singing:

Question: Is a woman’s desire for her man to be loyal, faithful and devoted only to her a part of the will to receive (the ego), or is this embedded in her nature? If it’s embedded in her nature, why did the Creator do this? What is the purpose of the woman’s suffering?

My Answer: The women’s suffering is part of the egoistic suffering that brings one to the realization that egoism is evil, the recognition that it’s necessary to break away from egoism, the desire to gain the property of bestowal, and then the reception of this property from above. You have to separate your earthly, animalistic, egoistic desire to have a loyal, devoted companion, from your aspiration to the property of bestowal. Spiritual ascent begins with the desire for one’s spiritual aspiration upward to be stronger than one’s natural aspiration downward.

Question: Why aren’t women allowed to sing out loud? What’s the connection between Kabbalah and a woman singing out loud?

My Answer: Women are allowed to sing, provided that men won’t hear them, because this “seduces” the men – distracts them from their spiritual work! A woman has a subconscious desire to attract a man’s attention. Women who want to use their natural properties correctly should restrain themselves in order to avoid becoming a disturbance in the spiritual growth of others.

We are all parts of one single soul of Adam, and we have to help each other overcome our nature. We shouldn’t suppress it, but use it correctly and separate the spiritual from the corporeal.

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Two questions I received on women’s spiritual advancement:

Question: Dear Rav, when you talk about distinguishing between Factory and Group, then as a woman working in dissemination, does my intention change? Should I think of the two as different entities?

My Answer: For you as a woman, it doesn’t matter at all what is happening inside the group. You advance to the extent that you contribute to the common advancement, regardless of how correctly the men in the group realize the opportunities for unification given to them. You advance independently of the men’s state.

Question: I have been divorced for over 10 years now and raising two wonderful boys (ages 22 and 24). I am now steering them to study Kabbalah. I do not feel and have not felt the need to be with a man in years, and I am quite content. I am not willing to settle just because I have to be with a man. What I enjoy is being a mother, and my greatest joy is to see my sons actively participating in their own spiritual development through Kabbalah. Am I doing it right?

My Answer: A woman does not have to get married in order to become corrected. By participating in the common work of dissemination and studying with us at the lessons, you have everything you need for spiritual growth. Good luck!

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Two questions I received on women, love and egoism:

Question: In one of your talks you mentioned that women know how to love or have this ability and men don’t. If we all egoistic, then what kind of love can women give?

My Answer: Egoistic love. A woman can take care of the people whom she egoistically loves or respects.

Question: Dear Rav, I have been studying Kabbalah for some time. I realize fully that I am totally egocentric and hope that the Creator will help me with this. But I also seem to note more than ever the egocentrism of other people in my every day life and I really don’t like it. What can I do to overcome judgment and be at least polite to them if not compassionate, which I find very hard to do?

My Answer: What you are seeing in others is your own reflection, according to the rule “Everyone who condemns others, condemns himself.” However, if you loved them, then you would love their egoism as well – just like you would a baby of yours.

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Questions I received on what to do with a boyfriend who doesn’t study Kabbalah and women who hate dissemination:

Question: A woman becomes fulfilled spiritually through a man – I feel this very clearly. However, all I can think about is my boyfriend, who doesn’t study Kabbalah. I broke up with him when I encountered Kabbalah, but now we are back together and I am still studying Kabbalah. I feel like I prefer spending time with him over going to the lessons, and this scares me because I’m neglecting my purpose and the Creator’s goal for me. I can’t leave you and the group and the entire world Kli. I need you and you need me. But on the other hand, I am drawn to my boyfriend. I really want to be on the path and develop my Kli together with a man, but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to manage without my boyfriend.

My Answer:
1. Calm down.

2. If he loves you then he won’t interfere with your Kabbalah studies.

3. If you still can, choose another man who will study Kabbalah for sure.

4. Don’t force him to study, but gently and lovingly get him involved in passive participation. We’ve had cases when husbands got involved in Kabbalah this way, and then continued studying even when their wives left Kabbalah.

5. In any case, creating a family is more important than Kabbalah! After that your priority should be your work, and then Kabbalah.

Question: Can one woman teach another woman in the Bnei Baruch group?

My Answer: Yes.

Question: What should we do with women who only want to study and hate the idea of dissemination?

My answer: When a woman first comes to study Kabbalah, then she should be taught the basics – just like a man. After that she should be offered a chance to take on “extra weight,” such as participating in dissemination and paying Maaser. If she doesn’t agree to this, then we don’t continue working with her – let her study at home on her own – the Internet is free. We’ll think twice before letting her attend a Congress, and might even decide against it. People who don’t disseminate are depriving themselves of the opportunity to advance because they don’t develop their Kli by adding the desires of others to it, in order to reach the necessary critical mass.

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Questions I received from women on how to be sure that one is advancing in spirituality:

Question: Can a woman cross the Machsom without participating in the group, by studying your books for at least two hours a day?

My Answer: To ascend spiritually, a woman has to study and disseminate.

Question: Is it possible to follow the path of Kabbalah incorrectly? What I mean is: If I study with you in Bnei Baruch and I physically do what is needed – disseminate, pay Maaser, study Kabbalah, and have contact with the group, then can I still be doing something wrong in my inner work?

My Answer: Check yourself against the articles and recommendations of Baal HaSulam and Rabash. With every lesson, we delve deeper into this decisive question.

Question: What is the difference between regular feelings and spiritual feelings? When I have regular feelings, should I keep in mind that they aren’t real? And if yes, then how can I trust my feelings?

My Answer: Right now you should only study, and the Light will bring you new, correct notions, which will enable you to measure and judge everything correctly.

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A question I received: It says in the Torah, chapter Beresheet, that the Creator said to the woman: “הרבה ארבה עצבונך” (your grief will be very great). Is there a connection between this verse and the fact that women are two times more likely to be depressed than men?

My Answer: Absolutely. A man has many sources of pleasure in our world, and moreover, these pleasures don’t depend on other people (for example, hunting, fishing, sex, soccer, and so on). But a woman was programmed by the Creator to desire and need a man’s attention, and to have one man that will belong to her only. And this is the source of her misery.

It says in the Torah, chapter Beresheet, 3:16, “And the Creator told the woman, ‘I will greatly increase your grief during pregnancy, you will give birth in grief, and your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’”

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Two questions I received on women in Kabbalah

Question: Is it true that a woman only lives once and doesn’t reincarnate, and this is why she shouldn’t study Kabbalah?

My Answer: Women must study and correct themselves just like men, but according to the structure of the feminine soul. Women reincarnate just like men do, and incidentally, so does everything that exists, whether it’s on the still, vegetative, or animate level of nature. It’s because the desires of all species and levels must reach their final state – absolute similarity to the property of bestowal!

Question: I had recently started studying Kabbalah and the one thing that I have understood so far is that we are built of desire, and desire is the main theme of our existence. Moreover, I understood that we should not suppress our desires but correct them, so that they serve our Creator. However, what about sexual desires? I love my husband with all my heart and want to spend my life with him, but I can’t help how I feel towards other men. So, my question is – if I should not suppress these desires according to Kabbalah (as I have been doing so far), what approach can I take to channel my desire and make it benefit others and the Creator?

My Answer: You will be able to distribute your desires correctly only by increasing the importance of the goal (the attainment of the Creator), through participating in the common study, group, and dissemination. Your desires will then evoke Ohr Makif – the Upper Light, which will make all the necessary changes in you, bringing you to peace and harmony.

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A question I received: In an interview you gave about men and women, you said that a woman’s soul has male components and a man’s soul has female components. Considering this and the law of “love thy neighbor as thyself,” how can you say that a woman will consent to her partner – a man – having many other women, and that she will be happy with this situation? This is illogical. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, but I feel that I can easily put myself into a man’s shoes, and I know that if I were a man, I wouldn’t have other partners just like I don’t have them now, being a woman, because this would harm the soul of another person.

My Answer: Male and female properties are incorporated in each other from the beginning, back in the root of creation. This incorporation exists because the property “to receive” cannot exist without including the property “to bestow” – the desire (Kli) cannot exist without the Light (pleasure), which creates and nourishes it, and determines its existence. On the other hand, even though the property of bestowal and Light seems to exist before the creation of desire, in any case, this is just our hypothetical way of describing it, because there is no pleasure without desire, no Light without a vessel. The abstract form only appears after the form embodied in matter manifests, and we can then visualize the form as existing without matter.

In ancient civilizations, polygamy was a normal occurrence, and acquiring a woman for money, through a contract with her father, was always popular, and this took place among ancient Jews as well. The Talmud says that a woman is acquired for money or through coitus. She is acquired, purchased. As you see, it doesn’t speak anywhere about love! Polygamy is manifested at the basis of the nature of the human society. You aren’t being objective about this because you’re a prisoner of the European culture you’re living in.

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A question I received: Lately there’s been a dramatic rise in domestic violence in my country. Every day women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends, and it seems that men hate women. My colleague’s daughter was murdered by a man whom she dated for just two months. This happened after she decided to break up with him. In comparison, it’s very rare for women to murder men. Why is this violence toward women happening?

My Answer: From the beginning, a man feels that a woman is inferior to him. This feeling is enrooted in him by nature. Allegorically speaking, we can understand this from the story about the downfall of sin: from the spiritual root, the woman’s correction depends on the male part of the Kli, and this is reflected in our world as our sensations and the woman’s dependence and need for help to give birth and raise her children – even though this is accredited to the husband. The only thing that can correct this relationship in our world is the realization that in order to advance toward the Creator, they have to be partners, and moreover, the woman’s help and desire have an enormous role, which makes the women necessary, valuable, and indispensable for men who desire to reveal the Light.

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