Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 128

How Do We Reach the Desire of “Until It Does Not Let Me Sleep”?

“Until it does not let me sleep” is the final desire before crossing the barrier. Baal HaSulam says that this final desire consists of three aspects: at the same time, in the same place, with the same woman. Meaning, we have a goal before our eyes, and relate to it as a child wanting to get a bicycle, but its attainment is conditioned upon excelling in their studies. What is the connection between the two? We are directed to the correct goal through a lie.

Therefore, we need to constantly find a correction by which we deceive ourselves into thinking that we have a temporary goal, and use it to progress toward the true goal. Meanwhile, we must give our will to receive some form of compensation so it will work. Baal HaSulam says about this that the body that works does not receive anything, and the body that does not work receives the entire purpose. Also, how do we head from there to reach a fierce longing for Godliness, for the Creator, to “until it does not let me sleep”? We need the society and books to supply us with this desire. From above, we receive only an initial desire, and rest must come through the impression we receive from the society.

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Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 127

How Can We Reach a State of Lo Lishma Before the Barrier So That the Creator Will Pass Us Through the Barrier?

RABASH says that before the barrier, we must reach a state of “until it does not let me sleep,” “I am lovesick.” This is such an immense extent of yearning for the Creator that does not leave our eyes day or night. It is all we want, and we become locked onto the object of our yearning. Such a state means that we have prepared a vessel, and the Creator discerns our preparation and, according to that preparation, grants the correction, the degree, the vessel. The Creator cannot give us what we have not asked for. We do not receive fulfillment into the vessel we have prepared, otherwise it would turn into a Klipa. Instead, first we acquire a correction, the initial screen.

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Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 126

Why Do We Who Want Vessels of Bestowal Still Want Them in Order to Receive?

We will always desire everything “in order to receive,” but we still seek some connection to spirituality, even if through Klipot. When entering spirituality, there is a right side and a left side. We, and our entire world, are situated under the left side of Kedusha, in the Klipot. Human beings are a result of the Klipot.

What is required is to reach such a strong state of Lo Lishma, where we can ascend from it to Lo Lishma that is beyond the barrier, and then transform into Lishma. We cannot imagine or desire anything beyond that. However, even in the Lo Lishma desire, there is something of Lishma because the point in the heart is active and stimulates us toward such a desire.

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Why Do We Need the Surrounding Light?

We need the surrounding light because we fall into problems. The Creator darkens everything around us, which means that the Creator performs part of the work in concealment and part openly.

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How Can We Want to Be Male, to Bestow, Without Knowing What It Is?

The male desire is given from above. It is as a “half” or a “half shekel.” We need to do the first half of the work on our own, and afterward, to the extent we are ready, the light comes from above and completes the work, that is, it creates the vessel. Of course, we must equip ourselves with the desire that these corrections be performed within us. We prepare ourselves for these corrections through the surrounding light.

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Is “Female”—Bestowing in Order to Receive—a Klipa?

Bestowing in order to receive is called a “Klipa.” However, first this vessel must exist, and then we identify it as female, and from there we develop the desire to become male. In other words, the female stage is necessary.

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Is “Female” the Natural Intention We Are Born With?

We are not born with a natural intention “in order to receive.” “In order to receive” is an intention that becomes expressed solely in relation to the Creator and not simply as a drive to enjoy life. Merely enjoying life requires no correction. If we drink a glass of water in order to receive, this action does not become “in order to bestow.” “In order to receive” or “in order to bestow” become expressed solely in relation to the Creator and not in any other matter. Therefore, the wisdom of Kabbalah does not relate to this world; it relates only to Godliness. It deals with how we relate to the Creator, whether we want to draw from Him or to give to Him.

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Chapter 13. The True Nature

We cannot reach our root, the purpose of creation, without passing through every single state. Sometimes it might seem to us that we have already gone through a certain state or that we will not need to experience it because we already recognize and understand it. But that will not help us. We must pass through all the states.

We comprise all the discernments written in the books, and even those without mention. That is, we must enter into all the discernments of impurity (Klipa), holiness (Kedusha), Pharaoh, angel, and so on, to be in them, to want not to be in them, and to prepare ourselves to exit from them and advance, each time donning a new form and a new role, like an actor, thus passing through many garments.

We cannot avoid discerning something, meaning, we cannot skip degrees. We cannot desire to be male before we have been female. We must be and feel female, reject that state, and then, from that rejection and remorse, we will reach the state of male. In every single state, we need to prepare a deficiency for correction, and afterward, a deficiency for fulfillment.

So what is our true nature? Our nature is neither male nor female. Male and female are two states that we need to undergo, one after the other, at each and every degree. “Male” and “Female” represent intentions, not the will to receive.

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Can We Escape the Blows?

It is impossible to escape the blows. Our entire learning is based on how to pass through them. Even though all these states are predetermined, we learn how to navigate the path with awareness and willingness, so that even if we were given a different set of circumstances, we would still prefer to learn about ourselves and how we are opposite to the Creator.

In other words, we want to walk the path with full awareness. And when we do, we do not experience the blows as suffering. Instead, we pass through them joyfully.

We might feel the pain of disappointment, but at the same time, we observe ourselves from the outside, as if we were a body lying on an operating table, ready for surgery and correction. We actively participate in our own correction. Experiencing difficulties from this external perspective is an entirely different feeling. Instead of enduring each blow over the course of 50 years, we can pass through them in 10 minutes.

Corrections that would otherwise take an entire lifetime of struggle in the material world, through suffering (because suffering also purifies the body), are nothing compared to the corrections made by someone who studies Kabbalah.

We do not even understand what it means to go through these difficulties with full awareness. What humanity has done for thousands of years, what we ourselves have done over many reincarnations, can now be completed in a single lifetime, in one great leap forward.
From a Talk on the Article “On My Bed at Night,” 6/7/2002

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Is This Process Predetermined?

The process itself is inevitable. Every obstacle along the way has already been written before we ever existed. If we could see the entire path in advance, we would see what blow is coming and what it will teach us. But without actually experiencing and confronting these blows, growth is impossible. As it is written, “He strikes him and says, ‘Grow!’”

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