Question: If a person gets discouraged in the process, does that mean that he didn’t invest enough effort toward love for the friends?

Answer: If a person is discouraged from his spiritual development, then that usually stems from pride, from his positioning himself above the others. And this is a general disease that is found in each one of us. Pride is the foundation of the desire to receive, which comes to us directly from the Creator. The Creator is unique, thus we also feel ourselves as being unique.

And I am really unique because I am a piece of the general puzzle that is not found in anyone else. Thus, I justifiably feel that I am special. The question is only is how will I use my uniqueness? Will I try to complement the others in any way that is possible?

The spiritual puzzle isn’t the same as a corporeal puzzle where each piece is in contact only with a few of the nearest neighbors, and far away from all the others. In the spiritual puzzle I am connected to everyone. This is astonishing! Imagine to yourself that there are 600,000 pieces of the puzzle and I am connected to each one of them. Also each one of them is connected to all the other pieces. This is not a simple connection, but at each level, all of our Keterim (crowns) are connected to each other, at all the levels of Bina (wisdom) they are connected to each other and so on.

Thus between us there is a tight connection of bestowal that we still need to discover. At the end of correction, thanks to our sensation and understanding of this complicated connection, it will become revealed in “620” times greater intensity: instead of Nefesh de Nefesh, NRNHY de NRNHY.

Imagine that there was this simple system of 600,000 pieces that was connected in a series, one after the other, like a herd of sheep. And suddenly they connect in all kinds of ties, complementing and filling each other in all situations and attributes.
[71599]
From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/2/12, Shamati #35

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Question: If I feel that I don’t look for pleasures in life, is this a sign that I am lying to myself?

Answer: You are simply not aware of how much you depend on receiving pleasure and that you must have it. You don’t determine whether you want pleasures or not. Now you are simply in a state that you are not attracted to any pleasure.

But don’t say that this is your own will. You are given certain feelings and calculations at the moment and the next moment everything can be reversed. We have to learn what we are made of so that eventually we will be able to understand and use it.

If my intention is bestowal, like the intention of the Light, if I can connect to others in the group in order to attain bestowal, and through the group reach the Creator, then I will really turn into a spiritual vessel that bestows upon the Light. On the whole, there is nothing but the Light and a vessel. But I will be able to bestow upon the Light in my turn only if I yearn to be on its wavelength.

If I simply receive, it is a sign that I am on such levels of development in which the Light fully controls me in every respect. But if I yearn for bestowal even a little, then I already begin to bestow, not upon the Light itself, but on the way I perceive the Light. If I can be in a state of to bestow in order to bestow, which means to relate to others and to the Creator that way, although I don’t actively participate in His revelation, I am in the Light and am not an obstacle for it in any way.

I am a kind of a small material ball that is in the middle of the ocean, swimming freely in the water, not floating and not sinking to the bottom of the sea. And so even if the material rises or sinks a bit, it isn’t a foreign body.

But is it possible that I could use my power that is in my connection with others with the intention of in order to bestow?

But it may happen that I can no longer use my power that is in my connection with others with the intention of in order to bestow when I reveal the hatred towards others in me, a great desire to receive in relation to the group, which I didn’t even suspect earlier.

Before, I had an egoistic desire on a beastly level that had nothing to do with spirituality. But when I begin to connect in the group, I first lose myself in it. This is called the transition in the level of Bina, to bestow in order to bestow (Hafetz Hesed).

When I begin to take an active part in the group, I discover hatred towards it, the evil, my ego. In fact, all this exists not toward the group, but toward the attribute of bestowal itself, meaning toward the Creator. It is only felt in me, in my perception that it is toward the group. The group doesn’t exist separately from me. It is my own revelation that reveals to me my attitude towards the Creator.

It only seems to me that I work with in relation to the group, but actually I work in relation to the Creator. Hatred is the left line, which I overcome, and thus I begin to work in receiving in order to bestow.

I cannot skip any level, and I must go through all the necessary stages. This is an obligatory development. The Creator is concealed, and the group is concealed at first, and there is only me and my animal nature until I rise above this beast and understand that it is bestowal that is the source of pleasure.

Thus I rise to bestowal in order to receive and then gradually I move on to bestowal in order to bestow, from zero to one hundred per cent. It all depends on my calculations.
[71602]
From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/2/12, Shamati #35

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Question: In turning to the world, we say that the solution to all the problems is in connection. Will we ever be able to explain to people what it is so that it will be clear to a person how to connect with others?

Answer: You are asking: When will the vessels discover the right attitude towards the Reforming Light? How do we explain to people that unity is the solution?

We go through spiritual development. The Light shines upon the different stages of development and we are under the stages.

On the first stage, the vessel feels itself in the form of the inanimate, then in the form of the vegetative, the animate, and the speaking.

A person feels that a desired pleasure can only come through the group, through connection. If on the previous levels I received egoistically, here when I am connected with others (∑), I belong to a global world, to the vessel of the true filling. My life is eternal; it rises above the beastly reality of the body. You can do whatever you want with the body, especially considering new technologies, but inside me there is something that makes up my “self.”

Thus a person begins to feel what is specific to the level of the “speaking.” He discovers that he is in a society, in a mutual global relationship, in a “round” world. Inside he is ready for that and the external influences bring him to the feeling of an integral world (∫) between the limits of zero and infinity. This picture includes everyone, with no exceptions.

Then a person discovers that there is no other choice, and that he must connect with others. What is more, it is worthwhile for him to connect because his life becomes safer and more successful this way and it also helps the environment.

Thus a person begins to appreciate the unity. Many in the world will die without unity. For example, inhabitants of big cities will not survive if they stop providing different services to one another. Actually all the people in the world are connected this way. This is the human level; it is revealed as a single, unified system (1).

You are asking, “When will we be able to explain to people the advantages in connection and unity?” it isn’t easy, because it is a gradual process. On the previous levels, humanity developed for about 50,000 years; before that only nature took part in the process.

From Above the Light operates on us. If we want to intensify its influence, we should prepare the vessel for it below, then changes will take place.

Our explanations today do not achieve the desired effect. We must convey to people a certain level of equivalence to the Light. For example, when we bring our ideas into the protest movements, it is good. On the whole we should form from the general population as many groups that resemble the Light, which means that they will carry our ideas to some extent. In order to do that we print pamphlets, signs, newspapers, etc.

On the whole, don’t ever calculate your actions. The question is: “What should I do so that the Light will operate?” Then you won’t go wrong. We don’t do anything by ourselves; we can only organize and place ourselves under the influence of the Light.
[71520]
From the 2^nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/2/12, The Zohar

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Question: In the convention in the desert we wanted to receive such energy that would enable us to reach connection. I think we actually succeeded?

Answer: I think that the convention was special since we’ve achieved a certain level of adhesion, and the Reshimo (reminiscence) from it remain in us, in the whole group and in each of us individually.

What takes place in spirituality doesn’t disappear, and this Reshimo symbolizes the spiritual vessel among us. Everyone feels it to some extent, more or less, but this vessel already exists. It has already been born! But in such a way that we have to make some more efforts in order to clarify it, to reveal it, and to feel it more and more clearly.

We should relate to this general vessel as to the Shechina (Divinity), to the place for the revelation of the Creator. The stronger we connect, the more contentment we bring Him. Thanks to our connection, the connection of our desires, we can bring the Creator contentment and so we begin to feel the Light in our desires, and accordingly we will feel our spiritual ascent and the revelation of the Creator to the created beings.

We should be more sensitive, pay more attention, and treat more subtly the general feeling that was born inside us.

None of us should stop for even a moment in one place. It all depends on changing the intentions and not on the number of actions. This means that it depends on our attitude toward the connection and unity we’ve achieved.

We have achieved unity and have created a vessel, and now the question is: “What do we do with it now?” This is the most important thing: a qualitative change in our work with it. This is the clarification, the search for a permanent solution.

You will have to think about that yourself. If I tell you about it now, I will be stealing your exertion. It is like bringing a child a box with a Lego toy and then pushing him away and starting to put the Lego blocks together myself.
[71517]
From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/2/12, Shamati #35

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Question: I made all the effort to connect with my friends at the convention, but I failed. When it started raining in the middle of the night, I asked the Creator why He opens the skies but will not open my heart? It must be because I “did not ask for it”… So what should we do, continue these exercises or already understand that we are unable to connect on our own and must turn above for help?

Answer: How can you turn above for help if you have not yet become disappointed in your efforts? What if instead of becoming disappointed, you manage to connect?

Every moment you will continue becoming disappointed; these disappointments must open before you in the forms of your broken vessel. Disappointment is not given to torture you and make you creep on your knees to cry out with your last breath to receive help from the Creator. This is not the purpose.

It is a known fact that you cannot do it on your own, but you must gradually collect these disappointments to discover the depth of your desire this way. They show the depth of your spiritual vessel; this is why you cannot escape them. The Creator collects all your efforts and saves them until the day, the special state, when they all collect into one whole vessel.

It is like saving money in this life, adding a dollar at a time. In our spiritual life, you must also collect your disappointments, your failed attempts, and learn from the way they all add up. But you must keep all this inside you, and appear full of strength to the group.

You must be so meticulous and put so much effort into collecting your disappointments, like a small child putting money in his piggy bank. They will later give you the flavor because “the benefit of the Light is attained in darkness.” You gather and collect these dark moments, which at the end connect in all different forms into such darkness that you are able to distinguish the Light. Light itself does not have a form—just the vessel you build for it.
[71638]
From the Lesson #4 of the Arava Convention Lesson 2/24/12

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Question: If a woman possesses a strong and sharp, critical mind and she sees that there is a certain imbalance in the men’s group, can she tell them about it?

Answer: Never. But she can describe and evaluate it. By the way, her evaluations can be very serious, much more serious than men’s.

Women see these things from aside—they see them correctly. There is nothing they can do with themselves, but they have a great ability to see everything that happens to men. And this ability can be used, not by the men’s group, but by educators.

Men should never know about or feel it. They should only feel a positive influence, a state of anticipation of their heroic act, the ascent above themselves.

Question: Then who should women share their criticism with, their girlfriends?

Answer: Women should have an inner desire for things to change between men. They can also do it by discussing it among themselves, but these should be positive discussions, like between “many nannies who have one baby.”
[71465]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

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Question: The creation of the theoretical foundation of our course includes many different aspects: creating programs and writing. Can women participate in this work?

Answer: Women cannot participate in integration either practically or theoretically, but can only assist with it. Some women have a special inner feeling, but I have met only a few of them. Among the huge amount of women that I feel and observe, these women might be one per thousand, no more than that.

Comment: All right, but at home…

Answer: At home a woman has no right to point her husband anywhere. She does not! This represses him. She has to act softly, like a mother with her child. When she plays this role, like a mother with her child, she achieves everything. But pressuring will only lead to fighting and divorce. This is not nurturing.

A husband needs to be nurtured. She wants it. And nurturing can only be done with love.

Comment: Today, around 80% of women constantly reproach their husbands, pointing out that they do things incorrectly, spend their energy on the wrong things, and so on.

Answer: This is why today 60-70% of young people do not wish to marry. That is right! Why would I need a family like this? And this either leads to divorce or people completely stop thinking about getting married and even co-habitating without obligations.

We bring them up incorrectly.

Question: What is upbringing in relation to communication between a man and a woman?

Answer: They should not speak to each other about how bad either one of them is. Anything but this. I never speak with my wife about this. We stopped doing this even before we got married, during the first months of dating.

Sometimes it happens that you point something out to your partner because you see that he hurts himself by doing it. Then you gently allude that he is hurting his health. But never do it head-on. What will this give you? Things happen, but this should be an exception, not the rule.

So what should people talk about? Only about pleasant things. The man needs to come home like to his mother who will take care of him and keep him warm. He must feel that his house is his fortress, not his prison. How would he ever go back home? Today we live as we think.

Question: So what is upbringing about?

Answer: If you show your partner that you love him or her, they will indirectly see that their certain actions are undesirable and hurtful, and they will not do these things. If you indirectly show them that you expect something from them, they will feel what they can do for you. But this can only be done with kindness.

Upbringing is only done with kindness. A small child only grows when you give him, fulfill him,and take care of him. The same rule applies if you wish to change or form a person.

Question: Then where is the place for the “lash,” the second line, which must be present?

Answer: This must not exist between a man and a woman. Never.

We have to interact with one another only causing positive feelings in our partner and showing very little upset, only to the extent of a person’s ability to constantly change. If your partner sees that from their perspective the action is correct, but from yours it is not, and you show or display it by suddenly taking a big offense, even if it is not relative to them, it will not help them correct their actions. One should be smart in this regard.

But we see that we absolutely do not educate people in our world. When a person graduates from school, he knows a bit of physics, a bit of math, and that is it. He enters life with no knowledge about human interaction or child upbringing—no knowledge at all. The only subject that was introduced in schools is sex education, which is only necessary to properly complement everything else. This is why our upbringing, if we can even call it that, is very ugly.

Integral upbringing assumes that in a family people give to one another since a family can only be built on mutual concessions. My teacher used to say that love is something that grows out of mutual concessions, when you “move yourself aside” and let the other person enter you, and he does the same to let you enter him. And then it turns out that each partner enters the other, and this mutual segment is called a family, and the sensation of your partner inside you is called love.
[71462]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

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Question: Who should teach a group of women: a man or a woman?

Answer: A man. A woman cannot be a teacher. She can be his assistant, and also not always. In any case, the image of the teacher, the image of the instructor, the image of the leader—it is a man.

Question: What should practical lessons for women include? Should women discuss men?

Answer: They spend very little time discussing both men and themselves. They study this objectively.

We only try to organize lessons for them and limit the games and joint events, to avoid interfering with their inner part or making them feel forced or obligated. After all, our entire system is integral, it is only built on awareness. Without awareness, a person does not advance. His or her advancement only depends on the degree of their realization of their own desire for inner movement and personal change.

This is why women begin to work inside gradually, only to the extent of their comprehension of the material, and not based on the contact between them. And if they are in group, it is only to discuss the studied material, but never from a personal perspective, like in the men’s group.

Comment: Today we observe a mixing of roles. And what we are talking about now is a well forgotten past.

Answer: No, the modern mixing of roles is artificial. It is not natural, but imposed. And people can be easily stripped of the things done to them today. We see that everything that manifests today is superficial and external. The fact that a woman is becoming manlike in her internal and external states is just a manifestation of the mutating egoism.

I do not think that we should continue playing with it; rather, we should instead return to nature. If we wish to advance towards harmony with nature, under no circumstances should we go in the direction of what our society has done with us.
[71468]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

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Question: Since there are men’s and women’s groups in integral upbringing courses, I would like to clarify the nature of women’s groups.

Answer: A woman is a very reserved creature who perceives herself and the world inside her. While between men there is interaction, support, a friendly environment, and readiness to sacrifice for others, this does not exist between women initially, by nature. Every female, every woman, anything female is designed to exist on her own, protect her boundaries, children, household, den, and so on.

This is instilled in them by nature, and this is why we must not deform it. We have no right to break the woman’s nature; on the contrary, we have to develop it harmoniously, and at the same time integrate women with each other. How can you accomplish this?

This can be done by creating a strong men’s group that serves as an example to women and urges them to support the men’s group. The men’s group realizes the importance of the influence of the women’s group and that without the unification of women, they won’t be able to support the men’s group. And the only time the women can identify and connect with the men’s group is when they are to a certain degree connected between them.

When the women have a common external goal, they can organize themselves and exist this way like different women’s organizations. Instead of integrating, every woman should understand and affiliate herself with the external goal: “You have to ‘cling’ to men, exist in them, support them, instead of us, women, doing it between ourselves.” The women’s group can unite in this way.

Then the women exist around the men’s group in the form of very strong support, as an essential part of the existence of the men’s group. This kind of unified women’s environment, which as if represents an external circle in relation to the internal men’s group, is a very powerful union of the male and female origin in nature.

This way these two integral communities interact with each other: Men influence women with their unity, and the women suddenly begin to feel it; this begins to attract them, and they gradually begin to interact and unite for this sake. They lose their natural individuality between them.

Women can unite between them for the sake of helping men to unite (in return they receive the power of unity, this is their only way to “power up” from it). In other words, they lose their purely natural individuality and are able to rise above themselves.

Question: How do you practically realize this?

Answer: Practical realization happens in separate groups, which we prepare and lead towards the goal, studying corresponding materials and the method of integral upbringing. Naturally, when studying in a women’s group, women do not pay attention to each other: Everyone comes and leaves individually. There might be friends among them, but this also ends eventually, things change. This is a women’s nature.

This is actually a very interesting and complicated individuality, a real individual natural egoism in its pure form, and it’s good to observe it. In other words, my “I’ is always inside me and never next to anyone else. And when it happens to be next to somebody else, it is only when we are able to help each other with something in the given situation or somewhat ease our state, and no more than that. We understand this as psychologists who deal with people.

But here the influence of the men’s group plays a great role. By uniting and setting an example, the men’s group evokes in the women the need to influence it together, and then women unite to this extent. Besides, this happens against their will. We see that this is a law of nature. In other words, a strong men’s group shows the women that unity is power and it causes them to rise above their individual “I.”

Question: How does this manifest in practice?

Answer: They can feel as one unified female whole. They can begin to hug like men, which is completely unnatural to them. Women might feel that they need to be together to evoke unity in men, through which they will also attain the inner state of unity for themselves, which they are not able to receive by themselves. They can neither conquer, nor get, nor buy it—there is no other way to acquire it.

Question: Do women and men have slightly different roles in integral unity?

Answer: That is right! These are absolutely different roles!

We do not put pressure either on the men’s or the women’s nature. It is their interaction with each other that gradually brings them to different forms of integration.
[71369]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

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Question: What is the right way to turn to the friends for help so they would ask the Creator to open my heart, and how should I carry out this request when a friend asks this of me?

Answer: All religions have a custom where a small person addresses a great rabbi or priest, asking him to pray in his stead and paying him money for it. And the latter then turns to the Creator with his request.

But just think: How is it possible to obtain a vessel, a place for revealing the Creator, if you have not built, felt, and realized it yourself yet? How can someone else create this instead of you, having a different root of the soul? How can they make the request and work for you? This is simply impossible. One person cannot do this for another.

Every person has his own root of the soul, so how can someone else, having a different root of the soul than me, carry out my work? He does not have the basis that I have, and neither does anyone else. We can only strengthen and complement one another, but no one can do the work for you.

But in that case, what does it mean to pray for the friends? When we pray for a friend, we ask all together for help to come to him. But after that he has to figure everything out on his own. It’s as if we are bringing him the medicine, our help. And after taking that medicine he can join us with greater force and become our partner. But no one can direct a request upward for someone else.

We can only unite all together and help one another. Therefore, a friend does not turn to the Creator instead of you asking for your correction. He can ask for help for your sake so you would receive the force and begin realizing it yourself.

That is exactly how we act in relation to the whole world, and this is how Kabbalists acted when writing their books for us, through which they conduct the Light to us. This is how every one of us acts in relation to another person. We depend on one another, bringing the Light of correction and fulfillment to one another. But we do not do the work for one another.

Everything happens only between you and the Creator, but with the help of the group. Through the group you come to the Creator. You attain the Creator personally, individually, but through the group.

If a friend turns to you for help, you connect with his desire and your desire becomes twice as big. And then you connect the desires of other friends to it, more and more. It’s preferable to have at least ten people, according to the ten Sefirot in the vessel, and then we make a request all together.

That is why there is a custom to gather at least ten people to pray around a sick or deceased person.
[71635]
From the Arava Arvut Convention Lesson #4, 2/24/12

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