Question: Every aspect of a person’s life should be examined via the dynamics of development from the levels of still, vegetative, and animate nature and the exit to a new level called “human.” How do you see this dynamics in the developed integral relations between a man and a woman?

Answer: First of all we have to understand that a couple, a man and a woman, have to participate together in studying integral education, to go over the same materials, to experience the same processes, to understand and to internalize the method of mutual incorporation. Just like couples in the animate world, a male and a female, offspring, a flock, etc. mutually understand each other instinctively, so do we have to make people understand what it means to be in harmony with nature and between them. This means between the two partners, between them and their children, between the couple and their parents and other relatives.

We put great emphasis on the fact that people have to complete one another, like in the group. On the whole, it’s a mutual group, and if each member understands his weakness and how he completes someone else, then we can see an interesting harmony in nature, which we can’t find between a man and a woman in any other way. This means that they don’t “enter” each other’s frameworks, but complete these frameworks so that eventually there is a very interesting border by which they connect with pleasure.

An amusing field is created of the “Yin and Yang” type, in which the completion is harmonious and wise. All this happens so that they can organize a small personal group of their own. Since their goal is to create a general collective harmony, they make up a stable group since all the other groups can change. We emphasize the fact that they should study together and read the same material, at least a little, 15 minutes a day, if they have the time. They shouldn’t misuse this opportunity to study together. People should have time to rest from one another and from their group. They have to process the material and to be by themselves a little.

But in order to do that, they have to go over the material together. It really brings people closer to one another. What’s more, it’s very helpful for the study and in how to relate to a child so that he will be included in the integral system. Later the division of different tasks is fulfilled when each one understands his part and there are no conflicts over it with others.

On the whole, people are trying to think about the integral society, although the entire society around them isn’t integral yet. Still, if they try to behave integrally, and to divide the tasks and the opportunities as much as they can, they actually begin to feel that something is created between them, like a child that grows from them, something that is average and collective that made up that human being who later split into Adam and Eve.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/5/12

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We consider it to be egoism only when people in the group repel one another rather than when a person is trying to achieve the most comfortable, advantageous, and winning position in an ordinary society. The latter is a regular everyday egoism.

Here we mean the societal egoism when a desirable state is set precisely in the group, when the goal is to become closer and rise above one’s natural properties and desires, when one has to rise above himself and enter into the common integral desire where a person will not be “I,” but rather “we” and his “I” will be annulled and suppressed staying somewhere at the bottom, while “we” will be cultivated. In such a state one’s inner opposition with this aspiration is called the egoism.

That is, egoism is a force that opposes the group unification.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: How can we organize the right kind of interaction within a family unit so that the family would not literally become a woman’s prison?

Answer: A woman does not feel the need to leave her house for weeks when she feels like she is in a good, proper environment.  When, besides having articles, materials, lessons, lectures, theater, and other programs already adapted to the new society, she knows that her children go to a normal educational institution and return home unhurt with no signs of violence on their bodies; when she knows that her husband works and also studies in a virtual group; when she can be present virtually at his studies and even show it to the children; when at the same time she communicates with other women regarding all the integral matters; when children also receive integral education and upbringing according to their level in school, in that case, the woman absorbs everything through this, then this is enough for her.

It also is necessary to organize picnics, outings into nature, and have meals together. However, even at these meals, men and women sit separately, but there, women have an opportunity to communicate, to feel like they belong to a large society. In other words, this way, we need to give women an opportunity to be part of the things that men do.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Baal HaSulam, “Introduction to the Book Panim Meirot uMasbirot,” p.4: Now you can understand their words (Sanhedrin 98a): “The Son of David comes either in a generation that is all worthy, or all unworthy.” This is very perplexing. Seemingly, as long as there are a few righteous in the generation, they detain the redemption. And if the righteous perish from the land, the Messiah will be able to come?

Question: Does that mean that in a generation of the wicked, the revelation of the Creator will take place as if from the opposite side, from the posterior?

Answer: First He will be revealed to Israel, which means to those who yearn Yashar—El (straight to the Creator). Then gradually it will influence everyone around—the nations of the world in wider circles that are increasingly further from the center. If the people of Israel are like a vessel and they fill themselves, then the abundance will spill over from the vessel to the whole world.

Thus we have to worry about how to fill ourselves with the Light of AB—SAG, with the intention of in order to bestow. When we receive the Light of Hochma dressed in Hassadim, this “style” will pass on to everyone.

A person is suddenly inverted by the Light of AB—SAG in his mind and in his feelings, since the Light of AB belongs to the head and the Light of SAG belongs to the heart. If a person suddenly inverts and discovers the connection, he understands how to tie the mind and the feelings so that they will cooperate.

This is how the Light of AB—SAG operates: it lets us recognize the importance, the new values. If this happens to us, it will be passed on by order. It isn’t by chance that Israel is called Li—Rosh (I have a head). Then according to this place it will spread to other nations through the connecting pipes.

At first they won’t even see where it comes from, but later they will begin to turn to Israel in order to connect with them and among them. As it says: “And they shall all know Me from the smallest to the biggest.”
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From the 4^th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/19/12, “Introduction to the Book Panim Meirot uMasbirot”

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Question: When we began to work with the text in the group of the integral education, we began to see a great gap between the perceptions and the feelings of the men and those of the women. It was as if the women were disconnected from the process while the men took an active part in the debate. How should we organize this process correctly?

Answer: It is a very natural process. The point is that women have a totally different technique to connect among them. They can unite in order to support the men generally, but it is support and not incorporation. This means their ego and working on it is totally different from the men’s group. The men’s work on the ego is direct, and I would say naïve and childish in a way.

For the women it is much more difficult; it is as if it is folded internally several times. Their egoistic accounts are much more complicated than the men’s. It is very hard for them to incorporate among them. There are always the personal motives left—this is a woman’s nature. It is by no means worse or better than the men’s, since we are talking about nature and there is nothing good or bad about it. It is simply nature and it is different in women.

I can’t imagine how an unprepared group of men and women can start working on the general overcoming of the interpersonal egoistic urges in order to connect mutually in one desire.

Coming from the field of human nature I can say that if we prepare a separate group of men, we will give the women a chance to watch them and on that basis we will be able to work with the women. Then we will see how they are shaped as a helpmate to the men’s group, surrounding it.

The female attitude to men will be expressed as an attitude to children who need help and who have to be pushed, surrounded and taken care of so that they will do their job. Just as a mother helps her son by showing him everything and he grows and becomes a man—it is the same here.

So women are not included in the men’s group, but make a positive background thanks to which the men have a strong mental support, without which they cannot work.

At the same time, the men’s group needs to feel that they are responsible for humanity, or for the family, or for the society in which the two sexes exist, not to mention other classifications in society.

The men’s group studies, and the women’s group helps the men’s group by supporting them and understanding their goals. They understand, but they cannot be totally emotionally incorporated in it.

Women cannot be incorporated among them like men. Their nature doesn’t allow them to do so. They have a totally different role.

So there must be two groups so that they will understand one another, cooperate, and help each other so that each group will feel the great role without which the other group cannot do anything. They are opposite in their attributes but connected to the goal. That is, the goal is achieved together.

Imagine the goal as a birth of a child for which there have to be two: a man and a woman, which together, exactly in the cooperation, in the connection, in the mutual bestowal and mutual love, give birth to this new attribute, to the new level. Thus the male part and the female pat in the group have to cooperate.

When you separate the men and the women you get rid of many problems, since in a mixed group there are always different attractions between people that spoil the general background.

Suddenly there are hormonal, sexual attractions and people think that they have found one another. Women feel that they have finally found a man who understands them, while everyone else, including their husbands don’t understand them. This means that there are such fantasies that have nothing to do with real life, since we ascend above life and build our unity above it.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: There are two types of traditional family. The first type is the so-called polite, nice family where it is customary to restrain yourself, your feelings, emotions, and thoughts. In order to maintain peace in the family, a person does not express everything he thinks. The other type is a family where people express their emotions, feelings, and things they are not happy about. The woman constantly points out the man’s faults; she pecks at him and nags all the time.

What is the right way to act? Should people restrain themselves or not, express themselves or direct the couple’s energy up toward integrality?

Answer: I think that these questions must be solved in a group. A group of integral upbringing that takes care of a person’s participation in social communities must  also examine these matters. In a group like this, people have daily opportunities to correct their attitudes and relationships with one another.

I think that the answer is very simple. People should allow themselves to be more honest and to open up to the extent of their advancement in integral upbringing, and they will continue to open up as they continue to mutually complete one another. When I feel that my partner does not complete me, he does not understand me yet and I do not understand him. I do not know how to open up. I do not know how to act in these situations.

We remain somewhat neutral, but as soon as we are able to introduce into our mutual contact any of our inner resources—such as desires, needs, thoughts, and habits—we do it. It is necessary to make a person feel that integral interaction is most important.

As soon as it becomes a possibility on any level, you immediately include your desires, thoughts, needs, weaknesses, and anything in him. The main thing is to give him the objective to unite, and that is it. Then, a person becomes his own psychologist.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 5/3/12

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Question: There was a mythological time when human communities were organized close to nature, which means that they were divided into communities of men and communities of women and lived together in harmony. According to literature, there was a joyful atmosphere and many jokes in the women’s community when the women gathered and laughed about things that had to do with the men. Can we use this concept in integral education?

Answer: We can use everything, whatever you want. We shouldn’t suppress any movement in any way. The only thing we should deal with is to raise our connection, the image of the upper One, to a collective movement, to a common feeling, to a general collective attribute of bestowal, to love.

All the rest will be sorted out by itself, and whatever is unnecessary will be deleted, and what is necessary will be intensified and rise. So, there is no need to pay attention to anything except for our spiritual ascent when our collective spirit, the connection, is constantly at the center of our attention.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: How do we feel the right connection?

Answer: The correct connection is when we feel only the connection and don’t feel ourselves. It is the exact opposite of what is happening now.

If we all disconnect from ourselves, we will feel only the connections among us, which means the general body that lives and exists. Each one will not feel his own individual cell, but that he is included in the whole body, and will give himself until he doesn’t feel himself but only the general body. This means that we have attained connection.

Then the collective feeling of life in the general body that doesn’t belong to anyone personally but is a result of the connection among us, this feeling is called the Creator.

This vessel is called Adam (a human), and its filling is called the Creator, the Light of life, the mutual force of bestowal.
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From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/20/12, Writings of Rabash 

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Question: According to statistics, 90% of women convey all their secrets to their female friends, and 90% of men convey all their secrets to their wives. Women have the need to share their innermost feelings with a close friend. Is this right? Or does this situation need to be changed?

Answer: We don’t work with these kinds of problems or consider it necessary to involve ourselves in these areas of human communication and psychology because they don’t directly and strictly relate to the integration of society. People communicate with others in whatever way is comfortable for them. At the same time we never impose anything on them because communication on a natural, animal level doesn’t interest us.

What interests us is how much we are able to raise a person above himself towards the integration with others. We need to cultivate the feeling that they begin to experience in a group, the integral feeling that happens mainly between men, and this is what we need to pay attention to. All other questions concerning who shares with whom and what they share in their everyday lives doesn’t interest us.

Naturally men consult with their wives. As a rule a husband has an inner need to share with his wife and receive her approval. He has this need his entire life starting with his mother.

Women don’t have this state. When she is young she has a mother, and later only a female friend who is able to understand or somehow support her; she needs a shoulder to cry on because her husband doesn’t fully understand her.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: We’ve started our convention after having been through many things. How can we hold on to the goal like a bulldog that doesn’t let go of his grip? How can we find the vitality in our exertion and not demand a cheap reward in the form of an impression?

Answer: You should feel pleasure by your exertion. It doesn’t matter whether the convention is a success; I enjoy the fact that we are making an effort together.

You should understand that there are no pauses in spirituality. If you don’t put constant pressure, spirituality will disappear. It exists as long as the next moment is different from the present moment. You have to be on a constant ascent, and constantly add something. This addition, the gap between the moments is the feeling of the spiritual life.

A state can stop or freeze only here in our still world. This is why it exists, so that from here our way will start. Therefore, we have to receive pleasure by putting an increasingly stronger pressure, and get pleasure from our exertions.

Question: Do we fixate on the exertion?

Answer: You have to build the greatness of the one you bestow upon.

Question: How do I turn this effort into a collective effort?

Answer: It can’t be any different. You can’t locate the Creator by yourself, but only with others. After all, the “Creator” is the group; it’s its center: this is where you channel the growing bestowal and from this you receive pleasure. The pleasure is caused by the addition and not by the state itself. Thus, a person who has made a million dollars wants more the next minute and doesn’t stop at what he has achieved.
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From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/20/12, “Introduction to the Book, Panim Meirot uMasbirot”

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