Question: Is there a difference between the unification work I do with the friends in the group and with my wife to find the Creator between us?

Answer: Yes, there is a difference. If two people can unite so that the Creator is revealed inside their connection, even if it’s just in their imagination for now, then they will arrive at the spiritual attainment faster. The Creator is always present, but the question is whether we take this into consideration or not. If we are able to feel the Creator in our mutual connection, then He becomes revealed. If His revelation might disturb our development and confuse us, then He remains concealed, yet He always governs us from “behind the scenes.”

The Creator is present behind a person’s desires, thoughts, and actions since “there is none else besides Him.” However, I cannot work with Him directly since am unable to resist Him; I would immediately surrender and nullify my freedom and independence. This is why He is concealed. In this case, I see only a person in relation to whom I can act freely.

However, if we can manage to purposefully see the Creator behind each person by using our desire with the correct intention, we will very quickly uncover the true reality. When we do this work with the friends, various calculations and problems arise, but with a spouse, it is possible. If husband and wife decide to see the Creator behind their relationship (as it is written, “Husband and wife and Shechina (the Creator) between them”), then their connection becomes purposeful and exalted. And since it contains various forms and possibilities within itself, the couple advances rapidly.

The root of all problems in marital relationships is the Creator’s absence between husband and wife, although in fact, He is always secretly present there.
[26067]
From the "Weekly Torah Portion" on 10/29/10

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Question: How should I relate to my wife to feel the Creator between us?

Answer: Try to make all the interactions between you happen only in order to reveal the Creator between you. This guarantees you absolute peace at home and is useful for every person even out of purely egoistic interests.

This is a very effective means and it correctly orients a person toward his entire life. The group and the friends are still an artificial structure for him, all of humanity is perceived even farther away, and the universe is felt as completely distant. One’s wife is the closest thing to him, as it is written, "A person’s wife is like his body."

On the other hand, you suddenly reveal that you have a partner in every regard! The Creator lets you start to feel that against every movement you make, she also makes a movement. No matter what movement takes place – in the mind, the heart, or a physical one, a synchronous movement takes place against it. It’s as if the Creator glues together two separate parts in all the details and forms as He becomes revealed.

All we have to do is try to reveal the Creator between us, the force that unites us and that we want to attain as a result of living together. Otherwise this entire life will be a mere animalistic existence.

Together the two of us desire to reveal the force of unity between us – the third component which completes us so we will become as one! When He unites us into one whole, we will include Him inside us and will be one whole precisely because He is inside us and fulfills us.

This is called "Husband, wife, and the Creator between them." He is present in everything that exists between them. There is nothing other than that because the desire of each person is aimed at the other. It’s like the relationship between Zeir Anpin and Malchut: He is entirely aimed toward her, and she toward him.

The Creator set apart all the particular Sefirot of Malchut and made Hava (Eve) out of them. That is why there is a precise correspondence between Zeir Anpin and Malchut along the entire height of a spiritual Partzuf; they are on one level, one against the other in eternal, unceasing union.

Neither has any qualities that are not present in the other. However, the only way to attach them to one another is by the Light of AB SAG, which comes and connects them by correcting one of them toward greater bestowal and the other toward greater reception. In order to unite, they both ascend into Bina, which is called Elokim, the Creator, and He gives them the force of unity and then fulfills them.

They don’t fulfill each other, but their shared desires. That is how a "child" is born, being a result of the union. It is the following spiritual Partzuf, a new state, described by the verse, "The father (Aba) gives the white, the mother (Ima) gives the red, and the Creator gives the soul." The Creator is between them, and by fulfilling them He gives a soul to the new level.
[22122]
From the 4^th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/28/10, “The Love for the Creator and Love for the Created Beings”

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Question: What motivates me to keep the covenant I made with the Creator?

Answer: Nothing does! Suppose I fell in love with a girl. A month later I don’t want her anymore. What should I do? People tell me, “You have to stay with her for life.” But why should I? It would be a lie, not the desire of my heart. If I hate her now, how will I be able to live all my life with her? How, then, do we commit to marriage? We realize that we won’t be able to live with the same feeling of infatuation forever and it will be a lie.

Marriage has an Upper Root: the union of the Creator and the created being, founded on attainment of the Higher Goal, not corporeal love. Love is defined as mutual support and assistance toward achieving this goal.

If I understand this principle, I can rise above my desire to receive pleasure and walk my path of life by way of bestowal. I don’t sign a promise saying that I will love bestowal all my life; this is impossible and therefore we can’t even talk about that. Rather, I sign the promise saying that I will always treat the Creator as Great, and I wish to attain Him by way of making a covenant with Him. That is why it is written: “Husband and wife, and the Creator between them.” Otherwise, there won’t be a marriage.

It is the Host who matters to me, not His table full of delicious treats that stands between us. The “treats” serve as the first contact between us, until I am able to build a higher connection with the Host in order to attain that higher connection. In other words, the covenant we make with the Host does not happen at the level of love between us, or because He provides “treats” for me, as in the case with a young man and a young woman who marry because of the animate love between them. On the contrary, we value each other because the connection between us allows us to reach the Upper Root, the exalted spiritual goal.

Now, a question arises: How can one remain focused on this exalted goal? That is why we need the group. It is the place where you have a guarantee, and it can give you the force of faith which will always serve as your “fuel.” You can’t achieve this on your own. Even the Creator won’t hold you up if you don’t make the effort.
[21431]
From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/17/10, “A Transgression Does Not Put Out A Mitzva”

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The only thing that can help a family stay together is a strong society that keeps both spouses together and directs them toward spiritual growth. Because they both go through different states, ascents and descents, they have to be a part of this society and to understand that spiritual advancement is impossible without each other. Then they will understand that they need a partner. The society of the future will take great care of marriages, but to do that we need a powerful influence from our environment.

We have already received enough blows from Nature to make us understand that it is essential for us to achieve balance. We have to establish good relationships between all of us. Only this will revive harmony and normalize Nature so that heat, cold, magnetic fields, and a thousand other parameters will come into balance. This world will feel like paradise, even on the material level. To feel this way, it is extremely important to achieve equilibrium. We have to observe a very simple condition where everything stays in mutual connection on all levels (inanimate, vegetative, animate, and human).

One of the prerequisites to achieving equilibrium is the establishment of the right types of connections within a family. Kabbalists rejected unmarried men as their disciples because a man without a wife is only “half a body.” It’s impossible to correct “half a body.” Previously, this requirement was very strict. Nowadays, everything is simplified. Everybody is permitted to study since we are undergoing a transition period and cannot obligate people to marry; it’s beyond our power. However, I hope the time will come soon when the next generation will realize that we have to observe material order and have a family in order to achieve balance with Nature.

Only by aspiring toward one spiritual goal can we preserve a family. Our egoism has grown so much that the usual material connections with children, family, and household cannot connect people to each other any longer. Everybody has a job, can afford a place to live, and be completely independent. A person feels relatively self-sufficient and doesn’t need his wife’s or children’s support. It is different from the past when no one could survive without a family. Now a person has the supermarket, modern-day household appliances, and health insurance.

Therefore, only a higher goal can elevate a person above the animate level and bring him to a “human” level (“Adam” is a derivative of the word “similar”). It is the only thing that makes a person similar to the Creator, reveals eternity, and raises us above life and death. It is the only thing that can ensure internal spiritual connection in a family. However, it is not accessible for everybody yet.

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From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/10/10, A Lesson On Current Events

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Question: What is the meaning of mutual spiritual work between spouses?

Answer: A spiritual connection is when a woman is like “half of a man’s body.” A man without a wife is an incomplete part of the desire. This part of the “animate” existence (as it seems to us) and the entire mutual life in a family, which seems unconnected to spirituality, are in fact very important.

It’s not time for it yet, but we will reach the state where men and women will feel a need to find out what the meaning of our lives is and what we are living for? This problem can only be solved on the condition that we are similar to nature, the Creator, and thus are obligated to unite into a couple, a family. That will be our mutual spiritual work. We will feel that we are unable to maintain a family without a spiritual connection, and we are unable to attain spirituality without creating a family!

That is why families are now in crisis or a “breaking.” It’s like the Tzimtzum (restriction). All of our previous lives, ways of thinking, approach to the family, and our entire paradigm of the past are over! They have reached “the breaking.” Our old philosophy and attitude to life, family, and society no longer work. All of this has reached the end, and that is why we are experiencing a crisis today. We are cutting off our entire previous attitude to life and are entering new interrelations.

From here on, a person will once again need a family, children, work, and society, but precisely in order to attain bestowal and revelation of the Creator instead of using them egoistically and trying to obtain a small, comfortable home in order to lead a good material life. That is why we are going through a drastic transition and will have to cut ourselves off from our entire previous life and attitude.

From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/10/10, A Lesson On Current Events

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Three questions I received on marital relationships:

Question: In your blog post, “Don’t Look For Love In This World,” your advice is, “Don’t look for truth, justice, loyalty, and love in marital relationships.” So my question is, what are we supposed to look for in marital relationships, and how are we supposed to be partners without expecting to receive loyalty and truth?

My Answer: I see that within our global Bnei Baruch group, many people worldwide find spouses and are happy, because their common goal eliminates all the disagreements.

Question: I have been studying Kabbalah for two years. My husband and I have been married for almost twenty years. My husband refuses to have a physical relationship with me and shows very little affection or desire towards me. He believes that I should adapt to this, but I wasn’t told prior to our marriage that this would be a condition in our relationship. I have been depressed about this situation for a long time. I was hoping you could explain it from a Kabbalistic perspective: How should a man act toward his wife when it comes to a couple’s physical relationship in marriage?

My Answer: This is not a question you should be asking a Kabbalist, because Kabbalah talks only about how to restore your relationship with the Creator. By definition, Kabbalah is the revelation of the Creator to man in this world. It does not have anything to say about people’s relationships on the animate level.

Question: How does Kabbalah view marriage between elder women and younger men?

My Answer: Kabbalah has no view on it. It depends only on the people.

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Questions I received about marriage:

Question: If Eve’s condemnation following the sin is that man will rule over her, what can we do in this world to adjust to this condemnation without conflict or suffering?

My Answer: There is no submission. Instead, there is the proper realization of common natural qualities. This is why you have to study Kabbalah, realize it together and aspire together to reach the third one – the Creator.

Question: What if a man does not know if he wants to stay married, and a lot of issues from the past come up?  What if the woman does not want to divorce and neither of them are in a religion?

My Answer: Go to your common goal which is the Creator, instead of both of you retreating into your shell.  Only then will everything turn out all right.

Question: I partially understand that marriage is part of a man’s correction. However, I have very few corporeal merits that would make me remotely appealing to the opposite gender. I am poor, bad with money management, own no house, have no car, and am only concerned with one thing, which is Kabbalah. Should I divert time from my studies and work in the group to make myself more corporeally fit for marriage? Do I really even need to be married?

My Answer: Continue doing what your heart aspires to, since this is the reason man was brought into this world. All the rest will follow and the group will help you find your match.

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Two questions I received from women concerning finding the right match:

Question: On the show “Women, Men, and What’s Between Them” you were asked what qualities a woman should look for in a partner, and you answered unambiguously that only when someone is close to you in qualities does a relationship as a couple stand a chance of being successful. My partner and I have opposite personalities, and there are some problems in the connection between us. However, one rabbi checked our compatibility and said that we are a good match.

My Answer: I have already stated my opinion.

Question: Ever since I was a child, I’ve experienced difficulties in communicating with people. Is there any way to appeal to the Creator with a request to change me, so that, accordingly, my life would change, I would find friends, a partner, and I could be happy?

My Answer: Other than under the influence of Kabbalah, I don’t know a more effective method to change oneself and one’s life, and to be able to do it in accordance with the flow of Nature. If you are sure that this is your path, go to our dating site, and maybe you’ll find your other half there!

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In the News (from India Today): “Unhappily harried” The Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF) comprises young, angry, “harassed” husbands… Their grouse: they were being “betrayed” by those who framed laws and enforced them; that the law erroneously assumed all wives were “innocent angels” who could only be sinned against, and are not sinners.

My Comment: So now the crisis has hit Indian families too! Apparently we will see the crisis being expressed differently in different countries and civilizations, but it will all lead to the same result – the necessity to rise above our world.

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