Question: I consider myself perfect, but Rabash offers me to look for filth inside me?
Answer: Indeed, how do we take the waste that we can fertilize ourselves for growth?
We receive it from the higher level. It’s the waste of the upper. Similarly as in this world, plants are fertilized by animal waste. This is a natural process, but in the modern era, we resort to using various technologies for it.
Returning to spirituality, if we compare ourselves to trees, then the waste of the next animate level serves as food for us.
Consequently, in order to find a suitable fertilizer, we should seek connection with the upper and accept something that looks like “waste” to us. This is a condition of our advancement. The upper actually is bestowal, love, self-annulment, and concessions. Even though we regard these things as “garbage,” we have to accept them as food.
Question: How can I possibly strive for it if I see myself as perfect?
Answer: Sit with us and you’ll see that you are very far away from being ideal.
In any case, you should not be embarrassed to receive “waste.” Something that our egoism regards as “garbage” has to be consumed by us as food; we should try to feed our souls with it.
The upper is giving, “brilliant,” and clean, but you look at this and don’t want it. So, now we have to change our attitude, work in the group, study, and strive to feel a little “charm of the upper” in seeing its bestowal. And even if you don’t want it, are already tired of it and have other things in life that are important, that is all clear; but we’re talking about changing values. You should increase the importance of the upper, and although at first His properties seem insignificant to you, “debris” under your feet, you have to give them value until they really turn into the food that we like, like trees enjoy cow manure.
By the way, if you could see what waste you enjoy now, you would not be averse to the upper’s waste.
Question: I am driven by my egoism. How can I possibly slow down this “engine” with garbage? How can I admit that my egoism has downsides if I live only in it and for it?
Answer: In the soil of your desire there appeared a new seed, a spiritual spark that was ignited in you by the Creator. By doing this, He gave you an opportunity to grow. However, it’s hard work; it has to break through the shell for the seed to sprout. If you really want it to grow, you need to apply an external power. In his article “The Freedom of Will,” Baal HaSulam explains that in order to grow, a seed needs to be placed in favorable external conditions: temperature, humidity, fertilizers, minerals, everything that helps to implement its potential to grow.
That’s why if you continue to be full of the pride about your “perfection,” you simply will bury yourself and the seed will rot in vain. A long time will pass before there will be another chance to “wake it up.” So, change your values and continue to move forward by using the same old egoistic “engine.”
To this end, the group keeps “poisoning” you:
“You will be really great in our eyes,” your friends say, “if you clean the bathroom. We think that it is the most respectable job. Those who do it demonstrate their love to others and thus others love and value them back. If you do not do it you won’t be worthy in our eyes.”
Their request initiates an internal struggle: “Who, me clean the toilet? Never! But, if I don’t do this, they won’t respect me….” Eventually, if your egoism is big enough and your friends work with you correctly, you will gladly fulfill their request since it will make them respect you even more, thus you will secure a legitimate place in the group for yourself.
Consequently, you “sell” yourself to your friends with the help of your egoism. It means that your ego worked as “help against you” since without it your friends wouldn’t even have a chance to play with you or bring you closer to them. So, it is your resistance that made it possible for you to get closer to the Light.
By the way, the egoism per se plays a very mean and disgusting game with you: It makes you do “junk” work and then leaves you without any compensation, but your friends pay you well for your efforts…
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 1/25/13, Writings of Rabash