Only one desire exists; only it had been created and then began to develop. It is not divided into levels or parts: It is divided by the states of awareness of itself. All the time, I reveal the first state more and more.
The spark of Light created the point of darkness, and creation was over. Now, this point of darkness, the point of desire, begins to discover: Who am I, who created me and with what purpose, what should I do, and what do I want from the Light and from myself? It keeps digging into itself and clarifies, learns more about itself and through self-realization, discovers the Light that created it.
There is nothing else in the entire universe except the creature who learns more about the Creator. But the reality does not change. The Light filled the desire, and now the desire perceives this single state more deeply.
All the changes occur only in consciousness, sensation, reaction, but inside the same substance. That is why I feel a little bit in my very first state; I only begin to sense myself existing in it, as if I am waking up. This is called the Light of Nefesh in my desire, existing at the zero level (Shoresh or root).
Now, I start to wake up more and look around. What I see at this degree, next to me, is not familiar to me yet; hence, I perceive this in the Light of Nefesh. But I already realize my previous state from which I woke up; I understand that I was asleep and now I have woken up.
How do I know that I was asleep? I learned about that because I woke up, found out about the next state, and now understand the previous one better. Therefore, the Light of Ruach clothes in the previous state, although I have only the Light of Nefesh in the current state.
I will never have anything more than the Light of Nefesh at the most advanced state. Only all the previous states become more and more clarified. That is why a person who advances correctly will always feel like in a fog, confusion, and misunderstandings; he will face incomprehensible forces and calculations and will always have doubts.
However, he already understands more about the path he has covered, all his history, and looking back on this history, the future perspective as well. That is, on one hand, he is accompanied by confusion, fog, and helplessness, but at the same time, he becomes smarter about the past, by seeing the whole path, its causes and consequences, and thereby revealing the Creator.
This is called the “reverse order” of the Light and desire. Our desire develops more and more and becomes “smarter,” educated, specific, high, and closer to the Creator, but only the Light of Nefesh is felt in it. However, in the previous desires, which we perceive deeper as we advance, we feel the Light of NaRaNHaY (Nefesh-Ruach-Neshama-Haya-Yechida). As it is said: “Wisdom comes only with experience.”
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/13/2011, “Preface to the Wisdom of Kabbalah”