The calculation which I made in the head of the Partzuf was as follows: You give to me and I give to You, and we are in agreement. Of course, these were spiritual actions for the sake of bestowal, but compared to what I reveal now, before Your special relationship, it looks like some petty calculation. And that is why I can’t stand this state with the screen in the “Tabur.”
I see that I did this petty calculation with regard to Him and I am ashamed. This departure from the previous state and the expulsion of the Light (Histalkut in Hebrew) is like a restriction. I cannot bear how I treated You. You treated me with such boundless love, and I counted how much it would cost me. You brought me a gift from the heart, and I looked up and said: “It’s lovely, and how much should I pay now?” Thus, I now discover Your attitude towards me in the Tabur, and therefore, I leave this state.
I see that I did nothing with respect to this absolute love! It doesn’t count that I did some part, having received for the sake of bestowal. Relative to this adhesion and the love which I felt in You, I have done nothing for You. On the contrary, I didn’t take into account that You love me so much.
Suppose that I didn’t know that, it still doesn’t matter; I must make a new calculation. I cannot say that I made a mistake because I actually had acted on another calculation, but now I see that it was wrong. Considering the relationship between us that was revealed in adhesion, the calculation now should be different, deeper, and more sensory; it shouldn’t be based on how much pleasure we gave to each other, but on feelings.
And that is why Partzuf AB is born, which is smaller than Galgalta, finer, weaker, but deeper, of Aviut (coarseness of desire) “Aleph (one).” It reveals the Light of Ruach instead of the Light of Nefesh. It is no longer dead, but growing (vegetative), that is, it is alive!
Why did it “grow up?” It grew up because by having felt the Creator’s attitude towards it, it took the property of the Creator and made a “plant” out if itself, instead of a dead stone. Thus, the desire to enjoy receives various qualities, meaning the forms of His attitude from the adhesion with the Creator, and thereby changes itself. This is a qualitative change.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/20/2011, “Preface to the Wisdom of Kabbalah”