Working in the group, I receive from it a strong desire. I crave to break free from egoism, but what can I do? Desire in itself is capable of nothing. Even more than that, such a desire, however powerful, is selfish.
I don’t want bestowal per se, but the profit that it promises. That means that I am under the yoke of Pharaoh. I have a very strong desire to give within the desire to receive: I’m looking forward to profit from bestowal.
As a consequence, the discrepancy, the gap, the polarity, the conflict of interest, inside of me is growing. I want to bestow in order to fill my egoistic desire. After all, bestowal makes me eternal, perfect, boundless, unfettered, immune to any crisis. Forget about tsunamis and stock market crashes; everything is wonderful! Who wouldn’t want it? My ego wants it, voraciously.
Yet, it’s incapable of it. Then the upper force comes and breaks through my "black hole," allowing me to escape. In fact, although you can describe it as an escape, by and large, I am not running anywhere. I stay in the same place, but suddenly, I feel myself free from egoism, from the desire to receive. That’s it.
Suddenly, it turns out that the black hole no longer contains the light inside; it becomes transparent. Everything flows through it now, and it channels all sorts of influences from other dimensions, which I call by different names: the Light of Nefesh, the Light of Ruach, and so on. Thus, we advance.
What’s essential for us is to cross the boundary, to begin the renewal (Hidush). In Hebrew, it’s called Rosh Hódesh, the beginning of the month. Our renewal is to attain our first attribute of bestowal with the help of the upper force.
To do it, however, we need to invite action from the upper force, and for that, we first need to unite. Let it be an egoistic unity; it doesn’t matter whether it’s successful or not. Only when we build the right environment, the wind of spiritual change will blow among us.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/21/2011, Writings of Rabash