Question: It’s common in a family that the woman will always insist on wanting things done her way; however, the man also wants to prove that he is right. The conflict begins with small things and ends up in divorce. How do we find a compromise between man and woman?

Answer: Before solving the conflicts between men and women, give them the upbringing! How can you solve anything with what there is today? We see that nothing is being solved.

Until you “drag” them through integral upbringing courses, having placed the hardest conditions before them and with them needing to overcome them, they will not receive the reward and various benefits. It’s impossible to solve anything with anyone, since everything is being solved in the old way.

If you want to alter social and family relationships, then you need to change people, their interrelationships. And how can relationships change if their players are not changed? They will be left in the same thing. Of course, you can supress them and then possibly externally the relationships will not be demonstrated in such an expressive way.

Begin to gradually educate people, to explain to them what the system consists of. Include them into the roundtables, in the discussions amongst each other. During the roundtables, gradually raise them above the solutions of the problems, raise them into the commonality, into the dream, play with them as if with children, open up the child in each one of them. They are suppressing all of this inside of them, they are behaving like bullies on purpose, in order not to reveal themselves; it’s a protective instinct.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: A principle difference, let us say, between the Israeli and the Russian societies is that Israelis are more likely to say “yes” to any new proposition and express interest in it, while in a Russian society, due to oppression and the fact that people have become accustomed to being threatened and forced by the outside world, the first thing people say is “no.” We have done these experiments on the streets.

Answer: I arrived in Russia after many years of being away, and the first time I went outside, I was surprised by the external appearance of the people. All the women had their chests proudly parading in front of them, while all the men were hiding their heads in their shoulders. This is a statement against the pre-existing threats from all sides.

I think this reaction is only inherent in Russian society because I have never seen anything similar anywhere else. I have traveled, you can say, throughout the world; this does not exist anywhere else. This is a very somber quality.

This defensive reaction is unwillingly cultivated by mass media to make it easier for people to survive, defend themselves, continue to exist, provide for themselves, and so on. We need to understand how to approach this because people are tired of aggression, and they do not wish to hear anything about unity and integration of which they have heard plenty, but have had very unfortunate consequences. So, we need to look for an approach.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: What do we do if the women whose husbands already are working with integral upbringing raise claims to them such as, “You go there; you’re saving the world while we are vegetating here”?

Answer: It means that the woman has not received enough of integral upbringing. She does not feel that, through her self-sacrifice, since the husband is not home because he is studying and everything rests upon her shoulders, she makes a huge contribution, above all, for herself and her children. She does not understand the higher, spiritual impact that comes to them.

Here, it is important to explain to the person and give him the opportunity to somewhat feel that eternity, the perfection into which we are entering on the next level, is instilled in nature. Everyone talks about this today.

We need to let the women feel that here is a higher reward, to make them participants of what their husbands are doing, but in different circles, with children, between women, and so on. This is all possible.

We are situated at such a transition where we are developing the methodology from various directions. In front of us, the entire world lies as an untrodden expanse. This is our century, our generation; this what we still have to do.

Psychologists, ecologists, economists, and political scientists must play their role, all of the people who represent the middle class and above who understand, realize, and feel the reasons behind what is going on; in contrast, the ordinary people who do not feel what is going on, the causes and roots, are therefore unable to do anything. Here, the intellectuals must play their role.
[82856]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: Is it possible to say that, when a man studies the integral method, he is saving the world?

Answer: Of course it is the saving of the world since otherwise we are all headed for disaster. I believe everyone understands that.

Question: How can a man express the importance of this work to his family?

Answer: I don’t think that a man today can influence a woman, his wife, and explain to her that what he deals with is important. She won’t accept it through him, but she will perceive it through other men. If his friends come to her, not those with whom he used to have a beer, but his new friends, if they talk to her or if she goes to a lecture or to a course for women or something like that, others will convince her, but I doubt that the husband himself can do it.

After all, she sees through her eyes, on his part, he has to undergo very serious changes in his behavior, in his openness and in his attitude toward her. If he spoke to her in a completely different way, looking into her eyes and getting rid of all the external trappings which were between them, if he put his arrogance aside and all the distortions and the habits, then he might be able to do it, but, in order to do that, the husband has to be free of the domination of his “promiscuous” society. This is, of course, a big problem since a person is enslaved to his environment.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: In discussing child education two to three years ago, I brought up a book by G.B. Oster, Bad Advice. In this book, the author teaches good things through a paradox, in a deformed way, such as hit the grandmother, take the candy, and so on. Why is this method considered wrong from the perspective of integration?

Answer: Because people who hear and absorb the negative information paint the images inside themselves against their will. Negative fragments remain in them, which later enable them to act. It does not matter that at this moment the person disagrees with it, this fragment, this image, this action still registers in them. I think that this is not the way to work.

It is very difficult for a person to work from a negative example. This requires a special analysis, the strength to ascend, overcome, and recognize evil, to bring goodness opposite the evil, to understand what needs to be done to rise above evil, and to build a good attitude, which is opposite to evil; in other words, to completely invert it in the opposite direction. This requires a great effort and mind. A regular person cannot just do it.

Let him try to do something positive instead of doing something negative, not just in colors but in expressions and poses. Let him “transfer” not just the smile or an evil expression from one image to another, but also with postures, gestures, correspondence between the bodies, and so on.

A person does not understand how comprehensive the difference is between the positive and the negative. Naturally, when a person is shown a strict negative scenario, he rejects it because he does not fully like this scenario. But it becomes stored, registered somewhere in him, and the person will still use it! One cannot be taught good actions through negative examples.

Comment: There are authors in Russian society, like Mikhail Zhvanetsky, to whom people listen; they are considered to be very wise. Zhvanetsky bases his works on negative examples. He takes a certain negative situation, and, every time, he finds a funny solution, a way out of it.

Answer: With all due respect, I do not think that Zhvanetsy and other “philosophers” like him create a revolution in society. He brings out the faults of society, shows them to the people, and they like it.

This resembles the cartoon where a wolf who is not hungry eats a bunny and then sits and picks his teeth. You explain his bad action to him, and he agrees, “Yes, really…”

The audience sits and listens to its faults, but there is no result. Even though there is a certain need for this and a social demand, this is not education.

Comment: The entire underground culture of Russian intellectuals, for example, the writings of Igor Guberman, is based on the comparison of good and evil.

Answer: Between us, this is purely a Jewish approach. Raykin and everyone else also used this. This is how the Jews preserved themselves. They laughed at themselves. In this way, they defended themselves by turning everything that was negative into something positive, a joke. They made the situation better with positive emotions in order to survive everything.

I do not see this same, humorous approach among other nations. This is a consequence of exile and suffering. This philosophy belongs to an exiled, degraded people who were hit in the face and are trying to turn it into a joke because otherwise the situation would be very painful to them. In other words, this philosophy does not lead to a change in the society.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: At the turn of the 20^th to the 21^st century, society chose a certain form of suppression as a way to defend themselves against the growth of linear egoism. This is the way we raise children: We forbid them to speak loudly, express their feelings, and so on. The majority of methods of psychotherapy are based on helping people rid themselves of these barriers and at least begin with freeing a person’s reaction. In the integral method, can a person actualize himself when he rejects this level and aspires toward unity?

Answer: During a class of integral upbringing, we offer the students: “Friends, let us sit in a circle and play a game. Let us be like children because this is a new level where we need to be born. Let us hold hands, touch knees, and look kindly at one another. We are the first to discover this next level. Let us try to pretend we are there. A child grows when he plays, we also want to grow, and, if we will feel all important and so inflated, we will have no other choice but to explode. We will not find anything else.”

In other words, you introduce a very positive, childish learning environment where people can allow themselves to say foolish things, to search, and the main thing is that they really will be able to find completely new relationships and solutions in this new kind communication. What else do we need?
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: Today people speak a lot about women being downtrodden, oppressed, etc., but no one speaks about the fact that men also are a pitiful sight.

On one hand, he is essentially oppressed in his family; he has no role. On the other hand, he must provide for the family and bring everything the family needs. But the needs have reached a point where not too many men are able to satisfy this need. Moreover, the crisis is making it so that even the things that a man was able to do before, he is no longer capable of doing. As a consequence, he wants to be rude, violent, beat his wife, etc.

Answer: We are in a state that can explode. This is why this problem needs to be solved as a group, integrally: open courses at universities, on television, through housing boards, community centers, night schools, etc.

In other words, we must educate! First of all, we must educate women, because they will take the education further. Second, the same problem must be solved with men in a group who must be “forced” to attend a course.

We must lift people from the animate level to the “Human” level, because today they are a pitiful sight.

Women are better adapted, more capable and ready for changes, because they have a maternal instinct, a strong drive to live, and to survive no matter what. Overall, the woman is a strong element, and the man is a weak element, and he simply needs to be well organized.

There should be no parasites or loafers. If a person does not work, he needs to study. And a working person still needs to study, in the workplace, for example.

All of us need to complete a course of integral education and upbringing. Nothing can happen without it. This must become a government program. Even if it requires financial investment (I do not think it will need much), the immediate economic effect it will produce in every aspect of society will be many times more beneficial than any expenses.

The main thing is to obligate and require people to come and learn, and to not waste time. But this absolutely must be accompanied by a vast mass media campaign, advertising the method of integral learning as a national government program.

I think that this is very possible in Russia, which has such a high demand for a national idea. In general, this does not threaten the government in any way; they can continue to govern, because we are only speaking about the education of the society.
[82715]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: How should we build integral relations in the family? Which attributes and features are typical of man’s behavior and woman’s behavior from the integral perspective? Or perhaps there are no such discernments according to the integral method?

Answer: We have what we were given by nature. No matter how hard I try, I cannot be a woman, not in cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, or in tidying up the whole house in ten minutes. It would take me five hours, and it would still be untidy. Nature hasn’t given man the same skills, the same attitude, the same movement towards what is called a “home.”

This is a woman’s issue, the female part, the female fate, the female area. A woman should manage the home. She should feel that she is the manager of the home and that it is hers.

A lack of education has created a totally different attitude towards the home and towards the family, but as a whole the concern for the home was given to women by nature. You can observe animals: each male mates and leaves, while the female gives birth to the offspring, takes care of them, licks and feeds them, teaches them how to hunt, how to be grown-ups, and sends them out into the world. We can see that in every species. That’s the way it is determined by nature, except perhaps for certain periods of time like when birds sit on eggs together until they hatch.

When we look at people, everything is organized this way, the man goes hunting while the woman guards the home, and you cannot escape this. The closer we are to nature, the more comfortable and pleasant we will feel and the stronger the agreement between us will be. In any case these attributes are part of us and we cannot suppress them in any way. Even if there are mutations, we still have our instincts, Hollywood, unisex, and other fashionable trends do not change a thing.

Therefore, we should arrange a place for everyone to talk about relative rights and duties, and the relationships between men and women. If we don’t have the right relationship, then there will be no family or anything except a negative population growth. So we have to put an end to this once and for all and not dance to the tune of different political parties that want to reach the government, trying to be so original by demanding rights for different groups.

I am not for limiting rights or for the oppression of any group in favor of the other. I am for learning from nature and being similar to it as much as we can; that’s all.

Second, our deck is arranged so that the man has to be the chief provider, and the woman has to take care of the family and educate the children. There is no way we can escape this! We see that if a woman doesn’t do that, then no one does. The result is that the next generation will be even worse than this generation. This means that we have to make sure that the woman will be free, not busy but actually free.

It isn’t that we lock her up in some domestic monastery or behind a locked door. On the contrary, she should study, go to the university at whatever age, and even all of her life. She should take different courses and constantly enrich her knowledge so that she will be an educational role model for her children and her husband. This means that a mother that feels as the real owner of the home should also feel that she is the backbone of the family from whom the whole family will learn about the world, about the right attitude towards life, about education, and everything else.

After all, a man is always under the influence of a woman. Who doesn’t listen to his wife and is secretly afraid of her? It is because everything comes from the mother; after all, we understand our psychology.

So it is very important that we constantly elevate the woman, educate her, and fill her. Through her, this fulfillment passes on to the rest of society. This means that she should take an active part in her own development and education, and also in the education and teaching of all the members of the family.

If we don’t have this revolution, then we will lose the family, the children, our population, society, etc. We can do all this through the woman. In order to do this, the media has to make a little effort. It should not be a government plan but a global one.
[82718]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: Suppose, a person walks down the street. Someone pushes him hard and “knocks” him out of a positive mindset. Today, modern man tolerates suffering and inhibits a reaction because we are taught to restrain ourselves from childhood. So conflicts rarely happen. People who restrain themselves accumulate a number of unaddressed insults that eventually burst because of some little thing; this usually occurs at home, and the accumulated aggression is dumped onto close ones. This is a typical emotional reaction mechanism of modern man. Maybe you need to respond to that push as if something positive?

Then I become happy about this effect on me because I can become even more included into this general mechanism, become even more integral,

Answer: Of course, it’s positive! I begin to perceive everything that happens as something happening for a reason in this huge enclosed mechanism. If somebody pushes me or something happens to me, it’s in this way that I’m pointed to where I can increase my contact with this general mechanism and enter even deeper into the integral relationship through this negative impact. I’m being shown my lack of my inclusion.

Then I can become happy for this effect on me because I can engage more in this general mechanism, become even more integral, and I can climb the stairs of values, visions, feelings, and awareness of the world around me, the extent of my understanding of its causal flow, its purpose, my vision and role in it. I start seeing further through time.

The fact is that the man who caused harm to me has nothing to do with it. He’s just another element in the common system, the same as I am. And I don’t react to him in any way, neither from the point of gratitude nor from the point of negative emotions. I don’t feel anything with regard to him. I look at this general mechanism that controls us, increasingly engaging us into overall interaction, and I’m extremely happy about that because I reach a new level of existence and life this way.

I need to learn and understand this system, to get a hold of it, and then the depth, which is beyond matter, beyond this tinsel in which we live and play, will unfold in front of me. I don’t want to participate in this game, but I want to be inside of the forces of the mechanism that governs all of this because in that way I’ll become eternal and perfect as the higher Nature itself.

Question: It turns out that by rising above the emerging conflicts and hatred, we reach the depth of the connection with other people. That is, this supposedly negative aggression is fuel for connection?

Answer: In general, yes. We can say that. There’s no doubt that this negative potential, which we have accumulated over the long process of our evolution, is necessary. We came all this way in order to have something to rise above.

Comment: By working with people, especially during group interactions that imply a certain level of unity, there are two stages. The first stage is a so-called positive transference when students begin saying, “What a wonderful methodology! What a wonderful teacher! What a group! How lucky we are!” And then begins a so-called negative transference.

Answer: I think there will be neither acute positive nor negative periods. There will be, of course, relative and passing undulating ups and downs so people will make progress in their understanding and sensing of this methodology and the way it works.

Here we don’t work with our past, and therefore, we prepare people for the fact that today we find a completely new level of perception with which we have nothing to compare. I don’t feel that there is a place for familiar reactions, maybe to a small extent, but not to the extent that they appear in other groups or clubs
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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