Comment: It is easy to be inspired by a friend who treats me well. But it is difficult to be inspired by a friend who occasionally treats me badly.

My Response: There are friends whom I tolerate with difficulty or perhaps cannot tolerate at all. There are those whom I barely notice; they neither anger nor delight me. And finally, there are those with whom I feel wonderful and joyful, among whom it is pleasant for me to be. So which of them should I see as the target of acquisition? After all, it is said: “Buy for yourself a friend.”

It is impossible to give a universal answer to this. I would say it this way: each time you will see what you are capable of, and that is what you should do. No one will tell you that you must specifically focus on the one you hate, with whom you cannot be together, even though he is in the group. That is incorrect. Rather, each time you should be with those friends through whom, as you feel, you are able to invest effort.

But this is not based on “pouncing” on someone, on beginning to bestow to him, to unite with him, and immediately go to drink beer together in order to become closer. No. To invest effort in acquiring a friend is a general investment in the group.

It is not about some personal connection with a specific individual upon whom I am constantly focused. In accordance with the state a person is going through at any given moment, those around him appear differently each time. Sometimes you are in a good state, as though elevated in the spiritual sense, and then suddenly you find yourself ready to embrace and kiss the very one you usually hate.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/16/26, Rabash, “Make for Yourself a Rav and Buy Yourself a Friend – 1”

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