Whether we did the job right in “the King’s palace” and the degree to which we corrected our vessels (desires) will determine the “feast” that we will come to and the taste we will find in it: sweet or bitter. We enjoy our similarity to the Creator and delight in its taste, while in our uncorrected desires we experience bitterness.
However, it is not the treats that are bitter; it is our intention, the revelation of our evil, the sensation of the lack of intention to bestow due to which we are unable to reach the King. In other words, coming to the recognition of evil is an entire process.
In my work while I anticipate the royal feast, I need to achieve a state where the work itself will become the feast for me, the reward that makes me so happy that I don’t need anything else. If I am pleasing the King, I am willing to remain in the state regarded as “this world.” I don’t ask anything of Him except one thing: an opportunity to be grateful to Him. I don’t even need to feel that I am delighting Him since this sensation brings the greatest possible pleasure of all. Hence, I don’t wish to feel even that.
I desire to stay in the same place where I am at the moment, without adding to it any understanding, attainment, connection, or taste. If I need anything at all, it is to thank the Creator and nothing more. This is what constitutes my work and my entire reward.
It is all right if I don’t know to whom and if I bestow and what will happen next—nothing. I cut myself off from any egoistic comprehension, attainment, or sensation. Thereby, after all the corrections have been made, I begin to experience the true taste of the Torah.
I raise Shechina (Divinity) from the dust, albeit it is only in my eyes that it is so while Shechina herself does not change. It is written, “And you shall eat old store long kept.” I deceive myself that I seemingly live in this world. Nothing changes except for the value that I give it. If I gratefully accept from the Creator my current, worst possible state, there is no better state.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/20/2011, Writings of Baal HaSulam