Question: Why do we undergo such a long, tangled, and unclear process that contradicts our logic and common sense?

Answer: The point is that ultimately, to the created being made by the Creator, we have to add our own desire, our need to experience Him, to receive the upper Light and spiritual fulfillment. I have to come with an eagerness, hunger, and desire of my own.

And in order to obtain a desire of my own, I need to start at the opposite end, from not wanting any of this! Only by coming to this desire from its opposite end can I say that it’s mine! Otherwise, it is not.

Suppose I want something right now. Where does this desire come from? If I dig into the depth of it, I will understand that it’s not actually mine, but rather derives from some internal causes: genes, hormones, information accumulated in my memory, the environment, and the needs of my body and nature. That means I am being awakened from within, but it isn’t my desire whatsoever; instead, it’s the call of my nature. And, a slave to my natural instinct, I start running to get what I want.

What I presently want is food, sex, family, wealth, power, honor, and knowledge. But do I really want it? No, I don’t! I was either born this way or the environment influenced me every minute by instilling in me these sorts of desires. But it isn’t the “Self” that I am.

So, it looks like I am a puppet and not even aware of it. I think that I am the master of my life and, like a hero, fight to get out of it what I want. But it turns out that it isn’t what I want at all. Who am I then if I act like a robot? I cry, strive, and labor, if only to realize that I am fulfilling someone else’s desires and don’t even know that I am a slave. I am totally dependent on the strings by which I’m pulled and controlled every moment.

If we had a chance to see ourselves from aside, we would see exactly this: We are puppets that have nothing of their own, no personal desires or chances to fulfill them. We are not the ones to define our purpose, and apparently, we aren’t even humans, but rather some dolls made of fabric and tied to the strings that are moving us up and down.

However, when I feel a desire within, isn’t it I who does? It is also a big question since a feeling arises in the matter provided for me. A certain internal disturbance inside the puppet occurs, certain electrical impulses pass through it, and it starts reacting and acting.

If we examine ourselves in such depth, we will see that there isn’t a creature here! This is when we begin to understand what the Creator’s task was: How to create basic, primary desire that didn’t derive from Him. How can He make a doll that, despite it being plastic, would obtain life and start thinking and desiring on its own? Moreover, how to make its desires, thoughts, and actions its own? Otherwise, the whole creation is a mere toy, a total hoax.

We don’t even realize how difficult it is to create us so that we would build something within ourselves independently, something that could be called “man” (Adam), meaning “similar” (Domeh) to the Creator, autonomous and independent in one’s choices, actions, and desires, and not merely a drone.

Therefore, we are destined to pass through strange and unusual states, until we obtain desire of our own. And only when that moment is reached will we be called “human,” Israel. Those who are still controlled from Above are regarded as the “nations of the world.” But those who have already evolved and have their own desire that moves them toward the Creator are regarded as Israel (Yashar El, “straight to the Creator”).

So, the purpose of the created being is to obtain such a desire and utilize it, and that is what the upper Light is leading us to. It can bring us only to the awareness of how necessary this purpose is, whereas to earn this desire is our job. Here, we cannot receive anything ready-made since otherwise, it won’t be our own merit.

Hence, the Creator awakens us once with delight and another time with suffering, using these two particular reins to drive us to creating something new within ourselves.
[42446]
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/6/2011, “Explanation of the Article, ‘Preface to the Wisdom of Kabbalah’”

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