Question: If the environment doesn’t convince me that bestowal is good and enjoyable, I will never achieve it. However, on the other hand, if I don’t seek bestowal, the environment won’t desire it. How do we break free from this vicious circle?
Answer: We should agree to play a game with each other. Rabash writes about it in his articles about the group and its purpose. Nobody arrived here with a ready-made desire to unite with the others, but we decided that we wished to act that way.
You are complaining that it’s impossible to advance without desire, but if you did have it, you would advance egoistically, in this material world. However, how do you advance transcending this egoistic desire? You need to rise above it, and that is why we make a pact in our environment that we value bestowal above reception.
We understand how it works in theory, but in reality we don’t feel it. Hence, we need to play the game of bestowal which is described as, “I labored and found.” We pretend that the goal is extremely important to us, even though in truth we don’t see any importance in it. We are not deceiving ourselves. We admit it, but say that it doesn’t bother us.
I am immersed in my egoism in this world, but in order to raise myself to the next rung, to ascend into the upper world, I play this game with the friends as if it is vitally important for us to reach this future world, the degree of Bina, love and bestowal. If everyone before me pretends that it is important, I will accept is as truth. Otherwise, we will remain in our ego forever. If I don’t force values upon myself that are more exalted than the ones I have today and don’t accept them above reason, I will never achieve them.
If the environment constantly plays like this for me, this game will eventually become my second nature. However, you don’t want to play it. Instead, do you wish to remain “honest,” without corrupting your heart? Since there is nothing else in the heart except egoism, that’s where you will be stuck!
Yes, I admit that there is only egoism in my heart, but I pretend in order to be above it. I can’t order my heart to feel differently, but I wish to receive a new heart, a different one. Now, I act as if I don’t have this egoistic heart, as if I stepped out of it and started to treat everything solely with bestowal.
I rise above everything I have within. There is some savage being living inside me with whom I don’t wish to deal anymore. Let him suffer there inside me, but I, myself, am moving into another system, another body. The environment will affect me and so will the upper Light. However, I have to pressure myself so I may come to it! I don’t want to hear any arguments; I don’t let such people even come close to me.
We must agree that all of us together are sort of playing, working, for each other. If I don’t do my duty, I weaken everybody, and the harm that returns to me increases manifold. Therefore, I should not fear to meet the conditions of mutual guarantee; otherwise, I will suffer immensely. Arvut (mutual guarantee) is a horrible weapon, a double-edged sword.
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 12/10/10, Baal HaSulam, Letter No.13