After the First Restriction (Tzimtzum Aleph) and the creature’s decision to only receive the Light through an anti-egoistic screen, we begin to exist in a different nature of reality. The simple law of reception in accordance with the size of desire is not the only law that operates there, the way it was in Malchut of Infinity before the restriction.

After the restriction, it becomes impossible to receive anything in an open desire. This law operates above us, and if there is a desire to receive pleasure below Malchut of Infinity, the Light cannot shine in it because it needs to go through this law, this condition that is imbedded in nature.

Besides, it is not enough to simply do a restriction. The question is what do you want after the restriction and on? To the extent that you desire to become like the Creator in your action, to bestow just like Him, you receive Light, a small pleasure called “the Light of Hassadim (Mercy)” that fills you.

This Light of Hassadim also contains NRNHY, all the levels of Bina, until you attain a degree when all your desires begin to be filled with the Light of Hassadim because your intention is to be Hafetz Hesed: “I do not want anything for myself! I receive pleasure from being like the Creator by not receiving anything.”

This is the level of the righteous. He sees that the Creator does not receive, so he also does not want to receive. In other words, he is looking at His action, not the intention. The Creator does not receive, and I only want to have the strength to stop desiring fulfillment.

And then the Light comes to me and gives me an ability that enables me to not receive, regardless of how much I am being given. But the very next moment I am given an even bigger desire to receive pleasure from Above.

The Light develops this desire in me and I will want to receive once again. And again I ask: “Give me the strength to stop receiving,” and the strength is given to me. And then I become filled with pleasure called “Hassadim,” and I am content with being like the Creator by not receiving.

And every time, my empty desire to receive pleasure is increased in me in this way, but instead of asking for it to become fulfilled, I overcome it and ask for the strength to want to be like the Creator instead of wanting to be fulfilled. I want to be content with Hassadim, like GAR of Bina.

Attaining GAR of Bina means that I have acquired the desire to bestow. Now I am Hafetz Hesed, I have completed the “repentance from fear.” What does “from fear” mean? It means to not receive anything for yourself, and to be like the Creator by not receiving.

This does not make me absolutely equal to the Creator, but it makes us similar according to our Kelim (vessels). He does not have desires to receive, and I do, but I have corrected them so they no longer bother me. I have acquired such strength that even though I have an infinite Kli (desire) to receive pleasure, it is completely filled with the Light of Hassadim, and I do not want anything but it. Why? The Creator’s greatness shines at me, I want to be just like Him, and I enjoy being similar to Him.

After this, a new empty desire naturally becomes revealed to me. Until then I do not understand what it is, much like in the four phases of the Direct Light, when after not receiving anything in GAR of phase Bet (two), I begin to understand: “The Creator gives, He is the Giver, so how can I give in my actions, like Him?”

Now also, as I develop from below upward, I begin to understand that if I am able to receive for the sake of bestowal, I will become completely like Him. This is my goal, and the means are to receive for the sake of bestowal.

How can I do this? I demand additional strength from the Light so it will correct me, enabling me to receive in these Kelim so that the pleasure that I feel will be completely for the sake of bestowing to the Host. I feel this pleasure, I enjoy all its flavors, as it is written: “Taste and see that the Creator is good.” I draw enormous pleasure from this, and nothing I feel confuses me. I am making sure that all this pleasure can only be felt under the condition that I give this pleasure to Him.

Then I feel how much I have given Him and how much He enjoys it. This makes my Kelim grow even more because I understand Who it is that I am pleasing. Now I become like Him, and even bigger than Him because I am giving Him pleasure!

My Kelim expand even more beyond the limits of the desire to receive pleasure that was created by the Creator in me. Just as once having connected with the group I become the owner of seven billion spiritual sparks instead of just one spark, I now connect with the Creator and become the owner of an enormous Kli, as big as the Creator to Whom I bestow.

I perceive His Kli, where He receives pleasure, as my own because I fulfill it. Can you imagine what this is?! Here we come out into another dimension. But it is impossible to speak about it… This is a gradual process of development, where every time brings understanding of what to do next.
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From the 2nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 12/3/10, The Zohar

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