There is a psychological barrier on the path to the spiritual goal. If I wish to attain bestowal, I must not ask about anything else but how to bestow. Moreover, this isn’t bestowal as defined by my egoistic mind and my current desire. This means I can’t demand anything which is within my current understanding; it would be opposite to true bestowal and the spiritual state. Only when I move into the spiritual state and receive this spiritual attribute, will I begin to examine myself there with my new mind and new heart. Then, I’ll feel and understand within the desires of bestowal.
I simply cannot know about bestowal in my egoistical desires; it won’t work. In fact, the very first phase of entering spirituality is called “crossing the Machsom” (the barrier before the spiritual world) precisely for this reason. The perception of the quality of bestowal is completely separated from anything that’s taking place in my present desires. Therefore, it is above reason (above my current understanding) that I demand the quality of bestowal. I just want to know how to receive this attribute, even though I don’t know what it means. At present, I don’t have any connection with it, any point of contact with it, or the ability to test it. I simply accept it in whatever form it will be handed to me from Above.
Such an attitude doesn’t seem to fit a serious, evolved, intelligent person. However, it is quite the opposite. Those who possess advanced perception, mind, and comprehension of all the processes that we go through, examine their egoism and see how we are entirely controlled and enslaved by it. They understand that we have no choice but to rise above it by cutting ourselves off from our present desires and limited egoistic perception and mind.
Therefore, during the lesson, I’m only asking for the Light to work on me. It doesn’t matter what it’s doing with me. I’m like an infant who doesn’t understand anything, but lies in the arms of its mother, completely compliant with anything she is doing with him. I have to attain such devotion to and annulment before the Upper One. I beg, “Heal me!” Beside this, I ask nothing more.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/2/10, The Zohar