When we begin to study Kabbalah, often we feel so inspired and uplifted that we burn with desire and are ready to turn around the worlds. Yet sometimes we fall into complete numbness and can’t make sense of anything; the world becomes immersed in darkness for us. In other words, we feel life within when we have a contact with the Light, and as soon as we disconnect from the Light and it stops shining on us, we feel dead.

Then the next stage comes. Through our actions (studying, disseminating Kabbalah, and creating connection with friends), there forms a system that shines to us even when we are going through states that aren’t very good, when we don’t attract the Light on ourselves. This system is similar to a person who is surrounded by others who can always help him when he needs it.

Such a state is no longer a “commandment” that shines at the moment it is performed; it is called the “Torah” that shines to us always (forget about the conventional understanding of “commandment” and “Torah”!). Even if we don’t feel so well and are confused, we have external support. It helps us look at ourselves from the side and realize that this is not so bad; it happened before and it passed. The Torah (the Surrounding Light from the group or from the environment) protects us even when we don’t study it, that is, when we are not close to the Light.

When we approach the Machsom, we feel a greater concealment, total Egyptian darkness. However, we also have the support of the environment, which safeguards our straying from the spiritual path into a purely animal state. We understand what kind of darkness it is; we feel it and know when it is coming to us and why. We are aware of what we need to do, and how to adhere to the Creator.

From this darkness we receive the Creator’s order to make signs of our union, “Mezuzahs on the doors,” to prepare the vessels for coming out of Egypt, and to run away exactly at midnight. This connection with the Upper Force is called the “Torah,” the Light that comes to us even if we are currently incapable of a “commandment,” of a personal connection with the Creator, which is called a “day.” This is how we advance.

The concealment no longer disconnects us completely, when we don’t understand or feel anything, as it sometimes happens to beginners. Now the concealment develops special forms; we begin to distinguish various shadows and qualities in them, and understand how to work with them.

The more we advance, the more we reveal the forms of darkness of these empty hollows. They clarify for us the form of salvation – on the other side of the Machsom.

From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/16/10, Shamati #39

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