My Answer: This is not good. There’s a legend about a person who dies and goes to the upper court of judgment. There he is asked, “Did you engage in Torah and await salvation?” You won’t be asked anything else there but this. The Torah refers to the Light that Reforms. So did you desire this or not? After all, this was the only reason you were sent to this world. This is the only thing that counts out of your entire life.
You may be studying Kabbalah and have a burning desire, but that is not your own accomplishment. It was given to you by the Creator. He brought you to the Kabbalistic group and gave you the means. But what happened afterward? What did you yourself do within the system that influenced you? Did you desire salvation, correction? This is what you will have to answer.
After we have just completed reading The Zohar today, are you able to say that you were inside what was being read? It’s too late to think about this during the study itself because everything depends on the preparation. You have to come to the lesson prepared, burning with desire and demand, as if you are coming to a doctor and asking him, “Doctor, give me some kind of medicine! Otherwise it’s all over for me — that’s how bad I feel!” When you come to the lesson with this mindset, you await salvation during the study. But if you initially came there without a demand to receive medicine because you don’t feel your evil, your egoism, and your inability to unite with the friends, and if you aren’t looking for love for your neighbor, then you won’t remember about it during the study either.
You have to reveal these deficiencies, your evil inclination even before you open The Zohar because when you open up The Zohar it will already be too late to change anything. Our entire work takes place during the preparation. Everything depends on it alone.
The pain must already be felt inside you in order for you to desire to soothe it with The Zohar, instead of trying to artificially remember that at this time you are “supposed to” ask for a connection with your neighbor. You can’t deceive the Creator. He reads what is in your heart and sees such a deep inner desire that you don’t even suspect it is there. Meanwhile, He considers: Should He give you an answer to this desire or not? If it assists your spiritual advancement and creates the middle line within you, then the Light helps you. But if not, then the Light pushes you forward from the opposite side through suffering until you finally connect everything together correctly and receive the true answer.