Questions I received on relationships:

Question: What does a man look for in a woman?

My Answer: “Consolation” (fulfillment), as it says in the Torah (Beresheet 3:23): “Because she comes from me.”

Question: Should she be pretty and quiet, or should she just be herself?

My Answer: She should have everything necessary to complete “Adam.”

Question: In one of your articles you recommend your regular students to dedicate fifteen minutes a day to their wives. Is this so, and if yes, then what is the reason for it?

My Answer: Kabbalah obligates people to dedicate a specific amount of time and attention to their spouses. People today are busier than ever before, and hence we’ve set a rule in the group that besides taking care of the home and children, spouses have to sit down together and calmly talk for at least fifteen minutes a day.

What about you, are you able to speak with your husband calmly and on a daily basis? Does this ever happen?

Question: I got divorced two months ago. In a TV show you said that you are against divorce. I did everything to prevent it, but I’ve read some books and I know that Kabbalah says that sometimes people get married and have children, but their union is not “meant to be.” People get divorced and then find their proper match, someone who’s meant for them. Is this true?

My Answer: Kabbalah does not forbid divorce, especially in cases when one’s married life prevents one from attaining the purpose of one’s life in this world – the goal of creation. However, in other cases, it’s usually best to avoid getting a divorce.

Related Material:
Laitman.com Post: Woman = Desire
Laitman.com Post: The Only Thing That Can Justify Getting a Divorce
Article:  “Coming Together – The Real Meaning”
Article: “Eve – Just the Tool in the Creator’s Hands”

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Three questions I received on ritual observance and Kabbalah:

Question: To my regret, I was raised in a family that observed the Jewish traditions, and I even studied in a Yeshiva. Now I am completely secular, do not observe the traditions, and feel perfectly satisfied with this. However, I feel pressure from my environment to observe the commandments at the corporeal level. Can you offer me some advice on how to deal with this and how to avoid fighting with my wife (I am married with four children)?

My Answer: If a person was raised with the traditions and believes in reward and punishment for them, then it is very difficult to quit observing the traditions. Your wife believes that by observing the earthy commandments you earn the world to come for her and her children, and that you will receive a reward and the Creator’s benevolence. This makes her feel like her life has meaning and gives her the energy to live. Don’t take this away from her! When in front of her, observe what she asks for.

Question: I have been born and raised as an Orthodox Jew. I want to study Kabbalah, but I don’t want to follow the 613 Mitzvot. It feels really burdensome having to follow so many Mitzvot. At the same time the idea of studying Kabbalah is wholly interesting to me as well as the various concepts that you espouse on your great blog. How should I think about this matter?

My Answer: Without changing anything about you or your lifestyle, study Kabbalah, alongside the rest of the earthly Torah. We do not accept Orthodox Jews or even Kipot Srugot (knitted yarmulkes) into our core group, but virtual study is your right.

Question: I came to orthodox religion and left it after I failed to find the Creator there and realized that it was the wrong path. My question is: are there such things as a supreme judge and judgment, and reward and punishment, the way the orthodox believe?

My Answer: What exists is:

1. The Creator, the Law of Nature;
2. The creature; and
3. The connection between them.

The goal of creation is to attain adhesion with the Creator. The means to attain it is by correcting the creature from “for one’s own sake” to “for the sake of Creator.” Then the Creator becomes revealed within the creature. This is what Kabbalah talks about, and this is what exists.

Related Material:
Laitman.com Post: The Creator Does Not Have Arms or Legs
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Baal HaSulam Article: “The Essence of Religion and Its Purpose”
The Secret Meaning of the Bible

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Dear friends! On November 14th – 16th, the St. Louis group will be hosting a Congress to continue our exciting journey together and reveal new levels of unity!

We invite the World Kli to join us, and we extend a special invitation to our new friends in the Bnei Baruch Learning Center to come experience your first taste of the vital work that is being done.

• Click here to see photos of the congress site
• If you have any questions, write to this address

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Two questions I received on inner work:

Question: As parts of one soul, we all depend on each other whether we’re aware of it or not. But every person contains the whole world. What is the measure of the dependency between us? Should we increase it or should we see ourselves as individuals and only unite our points in the heart?

My Answer: We should only unite our points in the heart, because all our other desires are for corporeal things. By uniting our aspirations for spirituality, we create the vessel in which the Light, the Creator becomes revealed.

Question: How does the system of mutual guarantee of the World Kli become expressed in practice, at times when one is not involved in the group work (study, dissemination, congresses, and so on), but is occupied with the necessities (work, family, and so on)?

My Answer: If a person takes proper care of his spiritual advancement in his spare time, then he provides himself with support that will sustain him on the right track during the rest of the time as well. Our world formed as a result of the descent of the Upper Forces, and it completely corresponds to the thought of creation and its purpose, provided that we use it correctly. That is, if we connect the thought with the goal, or in other words, implement the goal, going from the thought to the goal.

We have been given all the conditions – the body and its short life, including all the conditions of existence such as family and the efforts we have to make to sustain the life of the body, as well as all the disturbances and developmental forces. All of this only seems corporeal to us, but in reality this is how spiritual forces present themselves to us at their minimal level. We only have to “blend” into this picture correctly and complete the “empty space” in it with our free actions. At the end of the day everything comes down to uniting our aspirations to the Creator – to bestowal or love for one’s neighbor. We try doing this and then see that we can’t. We then ask for help, and the Creator corrects us!

Related Material:
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Two questions I received on why women don’t stay loyal to their partners:

Question: My girlfriends and I have been wondering why one man is never enough for a woman? Why is it that even if he studies Kabbalah, she loses interest in him after a while and starts looking for someone new? Isn’t monogamy natural for a woman? As a wife and a mother, isn’t she supposed to be faithful – a loyal companion for her man? So where does this desire come from to be with new men all the time? What should a woman do with this desire, and how can she change so as to be in harmony with nature?

My Answer: I think that you are disillusioned in your men. Apart from the minimal corporeal needs, fulfillment can only be spiritual. So find a man with whom you can study the book Shamati – and you will never leave him!

Question: Could you please comment on the following news report from Ethology.ru: The managers of the IllicitEncounters.com dating website made an interesting observation. In their opinion, the economic recession and men’s bankruptcy is causing more married women to register on their site in order to find extra-marital affairs. This phenomenon opens up a broad field for further research on how a woman instinctively behaves in the areas of family and intimate relations.

My Answer: The phenomenon is indeed instinctive, egoistic, animate, and natural. There is nothing strange about it. A female chooses a partner by his ability to provide for her and her offspring. In the animal kingdom, the female chooses the partner by his strength, rather than how handsome he is or because he has a “good heart” – the way people do in the movies.

Egoism is our only force. If you want something else instead, then ask the Creator to give you the opposite force – the force of bestowal. There are no other forces in nature!

Related Material:
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The Book of Zohar. Chapter “The Seventh Commandment” (abridged)

223. The Seventh Commandment is to perform circumcision (of desires that cannot be corrected) on the eighth day, and thus remove the impurity (of egoism) of the foreskin (Malchut), for Malchut (the desire that cannot be corrected within the 6000 years, in the process of correction) constitutes the eighth degree of all the degrees, beginning with Bina (Bina, Hesed, Gevura, Tifferet, Netzah, Hod, Yesod, Malchut). And the soul that soars from her (that ascends from Malchut Ohr Hozer ) must appear before her on the eighth day; hence, she constitutes the eighth degree.

224. It then becomes clear that the type (level) of this soul is Haya. That is, belonging to that holy degree of Haya (Malchut), and not to any other degree. And this is implied by, LET THE WATERS SWARM, as is explained in the book of Hanoch, the waters of the holy seed merge in the properties of the soul of Haya. And it is the property of the letter Yod (the level of Haya), marked on the sacred flesh, more than any other mark that exists in the world. (The level of Haya is the animate level; hence it is written, “Let the waters swarm” – Bina will be filled with parts of Malchut, which will thereby correct themselves by ascending and connecting Malchut to Bina).

225. The verse, LET BIRDS SOAR OVER THE EARTH, refers to Eliyahu (the prophet), who flies across the whole world in four flights (Yod–Hey–Vav–Hey) in order to be present in the place where the Holy Covenant (union of Malchut and Bina) is made. And a chair (the place of union between Malchut and Bina) must be prepared for him, and it must be said out loud (this must be revealed by means of correction), THIS IS THE CHAIR OF ELIYAHU. For if this is not done, he will not appear in that place (for want of an opportunity to reveal himself).

226. And the Creator created great Leviathans (Malchut in its completely corrected state). They were two: (called) Orla and Preia, male (Masach and Ohr Hozer) and female (desire, Aviut) forces. And (He also created) all living creatures (of the level of Haya). This is the mark (revelation) of the Holy Covenant (between the Creator and Malchut), the soul of the holy Light of Haya (Ohr Hozer of the level of Haya), as it is written, “LET THE WATERS (of Bina, and Malchut that connected to her) SWARM,” i.e. the Supernal Waters (the forces of Bina) that descend to this Covenant (with Malchut).

227. The reason why Israel (the correcting part) below (in Malchut) is marked in the holy form (love and bestowal), similar to its form Above (in Bina), is to separate the pure part (Malchut that becomes corrected by uniting with Bina) from the impure (one that cannot be corrected until Gmar Tikkun), to distinguish between the holiness of Israel (that which can be corrected, what remains after circumcision) and the other nations (which cannot be corrected until the end of correction, which are cut off) that originate from the other (egoistic) side. And just as Israel (parts of Malchut that can be corrected) was marked, so were the animals and birds (levels of Malchut) to determine which of them belong to Israel (which need to be corrected), and which belong to the nations of the world (which are to be corrected later). (Israel = Isra–El = straight to the Creator – meaning the parts of Malchut that can be corrected. This bears no relation to nationality, but only to one’s desire, one’s point in the heart. This happened for the first time in Babylon, when a group of people with point in the heart – the desire for correction, separated from the rest of the Babylonians).

Related Material:
“Introduction to the Book of Zohar.” Items 13-18

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[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdhALkWRg6s]

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A question I received: Free will does not exist in this world, but only environmental pressures. The only free choice that exists is which group of people one wishes to associate with. One must recognize oneself as a wretched egoist – and not only as an egoist, but as the worst of the worst ilk that has ever walked this glorious planet. One cannot get to appreciate the extent of one’s abhorrent nature without the help of Ohr Makif (the Surrounding Light), which descends on us during the study of Kabbalah. When one perceives oneself as this grotesque creature, this results in prayer, and one is then granted by the mercy of the Creator freedom from one’s evil inclinations, and becomes one with the Creator.

Now for my question: Given the fact that free will does not exist, how can an individual rationally see oneself as the worst? Yes, one may come to recognize that one is at odds with the Creator, but how and why is it necessary to come to realize that one is the worst of the worst of the worst? Would it not suffice to just see oneself as an egoist, like the other egoists? Why the worst? And how can one believe that of oneself when one is aware that free will does not exist?

My Answer: Only a new, spiritual environment will give you the confidence and forces to demand the Light of Correction. Then, in this Light you will discover that you are the only evil egoist who is harming everyone. However, rather than making you depressed, this realization will give you a push to demand the Light of Correction from the Creator.

On the other hand, if the environment will not give you the force to do this and the importance of the goal, then upon discovering your egoistic qualities as evil, you will fall into depression and despair.

Related Material:
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Attaining the Worlds Beyond: Chapter 21 – “Correcting Egoism”

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Questions I received on faith above reason, belief in oneself, and the purpose of suffering:

Question: Sometimes this world looks so wonderful, but in spite of it I try to hold on to the point in the heart. Is this the meaning of advancing with “faith above reason?”

My Answer: “Faith above reason” means “bestowal above reception.” It’s when you prefer to be inside the quality of bestowal in spite of the egoism that weighs you down, regardless of all its pleasures. Your entire reward lies only in remaining in this state, because it pleases the Creator, even though no one knows anything about what you are doing, and no one will find out.

Question: Why don’t I believe in myself? I am stuck in this.

My Answer: That’s good – rely on us!

Question: I don’t understand why the Creator is giving me so much suffering in the corporeal world. How can I unite with Him in this state?

My Answer: He wants you to come close to Him precisely from this state, and hence He gives you an aspiration toward Him. See the article “There Is None Else Besides Him.”

Question: How do we overcome despair, blows of fate, and hopelessness that haunt us on the path to the spiritual world?

My Answer: By receiving support from the group in study, dissemination, and revelation of the fact that the Creator is one – that “There is none else besides Him,” that He is Good and does only good.

Question: Two months ago I studied Kabbalah a lot, but now I am in a descent. Over the last month I started feeling a need for respect and honor. Before I do anything, I prepare ahead of time to acquire respect and honor. What should I do?

My Answer: You are advancing wonderfully: it’s taken you just two months to start seeing your true nature! Be grateful for the realization of evil and start trying to correct it. You will soon learn that this is impossible to do, and then you will ask the Creator to help you do this!

Related Material:
Laitman.com Post: Faith Above Reason Is Bestowal Above Reception
Attaining the Worlds Beyond: Chapter 1 – “Perceiving the Creator (Faith Above Reason)”
Laitman.com Post: Be Happy about the Descents!

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The Book of Zohar. Chapter “The Sixth Commandment” (abridged)

219. The sixth Commandment (general correction) is to procreate and multiply (to correct new desires though the intention to bestow), for he who does so turns the stream (of Light with regard to Malchut), called Yesod de ZA (of the world of Atzilut), into an inexhaustible fountain (of Light into Malchut). And the sea, Malchut, shall be filled (with the Light from ZA) from all directions (in all of its corrected desires), and new souls shall come forth (will be born, will develop) from that tree (ZA, the source of Light), and a multitude of forces shall appear together with those souls, to guard them (so that they won’t yield to their yet uncorrected desires). Hence, it is written: “LET THE WATERS SWARM (Malchut will develop in the qualities of Bina) WITH SWARMS OF LIVING CREATURES.” This is the mark of the holy Covenant (ZA and Malchut, the Creator and Creature). The stream (of Light from ZA) grows stronger, turns into a river (because Malchut continues to correct itself more and more), and thus brings more and more new souls to life (bestowal).

220. A number of birds (angels) that soar above the whole world (qualities of Bina in Malchut) enter Malchut along with those souls. When a soul comes into this world (into the spiritual world), the bird that came from that tree (system of Sefirot) along with that soul accompanies it. How many angels leave with each soul (onto the next degree)? Two: one on the right (the force of bestowal, the Light), and one on the left (the force of reception, desires). If one so merits (if the soul merits its correction), then these angels guard him (they act together), as it is written: “FOR HE WILL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER YOU” (in the ascent, along the degrees of the ladder). Yet, if he does not merit (to correct himself), they report and accuse him (of this, and turn against him, compelling him to become corrected). Rabbi Pinchas said: “There are three angels that guard man, if he so merits, as it is written, ‘IF THERE BE AN ANGEL OVER HIM, A DEFENDER, ONE AMONG A THOUSAND THAT WARNS MAN.’ ‘If there be an ANGEL’ – is the first; ‘A DEFENDER’—is the second; ‘one among a thousand THAT WARNS man’ – is the third (this refers to the soul’s correction according to the method of the three lines – Gimel Kavim).

221. Rabbi Shimon said: “In all, there are five angels (the forces of man’s soul), for the verse continues: ‘there is one after the giver and two more, so in all there are five.’” He replied: “This is not so. ‘The giver’ refers solely to the Creator Himself, and not to an angel, for only the Creator is permitted to give, but no one else.”

222. And he who abstains from procreating and multiplying (correcting his soul) as though belittles the form that includes all other forms, the form of man, causes the waters (forces of Bina) of that stream, Yesod of ZA, to dry out, and harms the holy Covenant (Yesod of ZA) from all sides. It is written of such a man, “Go forth and look upon the corpses of the people (uncorrected desires) that have transgressed against the Creator.” Of course, those who transgress against Me. This is said about the body (desires), as the soul never even enters the screen, i.e., the Creator’s domain. And such a man shall be banished from the (spiritual) world (into our world).

Related Material:
“Introduction to the Book of Zohar.” Items 6-12

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