A question I received: Dear Rav Laitman, could you please explain how does Kabbalah treat marriage and differences in perception between husband and wife? Kabbalah has already explained a great deal to me. Does Kabbalah treat a relationship between husband and wife as a sacred one or is it up to one`s desire to decide whether to follow the path? Thank you for helping us to understand what was considered “a secret.”

My Answer: “Sacred” is the quality of bestowal, which we acquire under the influence of the Light of Correction (Ohr Makif), when we correctly study Kabbalah (the books of Baal HaSulam). There is no other sacredness! It’s written: “There is no coercion in spirituality.” In corporeality, coercion originates from egoism. But it cannot exist in the spiritual world and in spiritual actions.

Every person has his own path and his own time to come to the Creator, and therefore you don’t have the right to force anyone to do this, including your husband and children. You can only tell them about it without pressuring them, “by the way,” gently, without threatening them, and evoking love for this topic in them. And no matter what the result, you should continue with your family life just like before.

Uniting with everyone who aspires toward the Creator will give you the strength and the desire to attain Him. You should view your relatives as bodies that are related to you, and as souls that are foreign to you.

Related Material:
Part 6, Ch. 4 from the eBook Interview with the Future: What Should One Go Through in Order to Attain Spirituality?
Shamati Article #145: What Is Will Give Wisdom Specifically to the Wise
Chapter 4.4 from the Book The Path of Kabbalah: Questions and Answers
eBook: The Path of Kabbalah – Revealing the Hidden Wisdom
Purchase the Book: The Path of Kabbalah – Revealing the Hidden Wisdom

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A question I received: I participated in a Kabbalah seminar in Tallinn, Estonia on the 15th of June. At that meeting, I expressed my resentment of the following statement: “During a descent, one can progress even more than during an ascent, since at that time a person only uses the force of the group, which is always greater than his own force. One’s friends in the group were selected by the Creator Himself. If you will love them, then He will love you.”

I am used to moving forward and achieving things on my own. Maybe this is wrong, but that’s how it is for the time being. People singing together, holding hands, and singing songs – I feel that not only do they fail to see or know the text, but they even sing without any spirit – so what should I do?

I put more spirit into writing a letter to a woman I love or looking into her eyes. I can’t let myself be part of a group yet. Maybe I’m not ready for a group yet and I have to work on my own, as long as the group is foreign to me. On the other hand, talking to individual people at that evening in Tallinn was a pleasure. But when it came to singing and hugging, I wanted to leave!

My Answer: Everyone is repelled by this at first. Some people are social by nature, and some are loners. Personally I belong to the latter, so I understand you very well. What should you do? You should participate as much as you can. And after that your life will direct you, because when you make efforts and don’t receive a result, you will understand that there is no way out, that our correction lies in the union of souls. You don’t have to hug others or have a good singing voice. You should study and disseminate, and the rest will come in due time. Don’t force yourself.

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Two questions I received on the correction of a woman’s soul

Question: You have provided many explanations about a man’s path of correction – he studies, works in the group, and through this attracts upon himself the Light that returns to the source and corrects his soul. I’m trying to understand how a woman corrects her soul, and the only answer I can find is that she doesn’t attract upon herself the Light that returns to the source, that this is the man’s work, and that a woman needs to study and disseminate, and this way she corrects her soul. Can you give a more detailed explanation of the spiritual process that a woman’s soul goes through when she studies and disseminates on her path to correction?

My Answer: The difference is:
1. A woman does not unite with other women in a group, in “love for her neighbor or for her girlfriends,” but rather she unites with other women only through helping each other disseminate Kabbalah.
2. She doesn’t receive help directly from above, the way the men’s group does, but receives it through the men’s group. This is explained in the story about the reception of the Torah, where the men carry out the condition of Mutual Guarantee (Arvut), and the women support them with their desire. As a result they receive it together – the men conduct the Light to the women. The difference is only the order in which they receive the Light from above, and it practically doesn’t matter. That is to say, a woman doesn’t feel it in any way if she studies and disseminates. Moreover, a woman should study Kabbalah only to the extent that she feels a need to do so, and no more than that, whereas the men are obligated to study between one and three hours a day.

Question: Today women are reaching the same spiritual states that you, the men, are going through. But you have a safety net – a group of Bnei Baruch wives. What about us – women and mothers, and what about our children?

My Answer: The men of the world Kli have the support of the women’s part of the world Kli. This is what I feel, whereas you are looking at bodies instead of spiritual desires. A spiritual desire is not connected to the body, it’s beyond it. Imagine the world without our bodies – a space filled with uncorrected desires that aspire to be filled, rather than to bestow to one another and connect into one common desire. These desires subdivide into active ones – masculine, and passive ones – feminine. It’s similar to conception, where the male cells move and penetrate the female cells. And then a new body is born – a common desire.

Related Material:
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #1
A Talk about Women’s Spiritual Development, #2

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Three questions I received on requesting from the Creator

Question: Does one pray to G-d or to the Creator? You have said that it’s written that the Creator hears no prayer other than to be able to bestow, because He is the quality of bestowal and this is the only thing you can ask of Him. And what about the “kibbutsnikim” in the Negev?

My Answer: Back then the desires of the “kibbutsnikim” and the Creator were the same. But in general, the Creator hears everything and everyone, but He reacts only to that which leads to the goal, to Him, to adhesion with Him. And He definitely hears and reacts to one’s requests for correction, for equivalence with Him. The Creator is a system of forces surrounding us. The Creator (Elokim) = Nature (HaTeva). We need to understand that He does not change His goal and action – at every single moment, everything is directed at reacting to our actions, in order to influence each and every person in such a way that they will be directed precisely toward the goal. This is how the Creator – this system of forces – reacts to our desires, thoughts, and actions. This is why Kabbalah says that He does not change. In other words, He does not change His influence on us, which directs us precisely to the goal.

Question: About the “kibbutsnikim” who asked for rain: How is it possible that they received something just by asking for it? I’ve asked for things a thousand times, and the most I received was a reason to regret the fact that I asked.

My Answer: Their requests did not contradict the Creator’s plans to have people settle in these lands. They were (egoistically) united with each other as one whole. They asked for the necessity and gave it everything they had. And it worked temporarily. But when they lost the desire to be united, they became opposite to the system of governing forces, and the Upper Forces evoked their disintegration.

Question: As I understand, a prayer is a person’s deepest and most real desire. So why is there is a custom to pray at certain times rather than when one feels like it? After all, one receives a response only to a real prayer. And what does prayer give a person, in principle?

My Answer: Religion does not deal with correcting the soul – changing one’s intention from “for the sake of oneself” to “for the sake of others and the Creator” in all of one’s actions, but rather it only trains one to make physical actions – the commandments of our world. Therefore, in religion to pray is to read at specific times something that was written for you by other people (by the sages of the Great Assembly, 2,000 years ago). One does not receive a response to such actions, and we see that religious people do not become corrected, but vice versa – as time goes by, their moral descent is becoming more and more apparent. However, such mechanical actions hold people within certain boundaries, and as such, during the period of the Creator’s concealment (from 0 until the 20th century), the religions had the role of providing life’s boundaries. This was established by Kabbalists, to last until our time, when “the point in the heart” surfaces in people and they begin the path of individual spiritual development.

Related Material:
Kabbalah Today Article: A Prayer
Article: The Difference Between Kabbalah and Religion
Chapter 7.1 from the Book The Path of Kabbalah: Prayer
Baal HaSulam Article: There Is None Else Beside Him

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Three questions I received on fitting ourselves into the the spiritual puzzle

Question: I am a bisexual man, and I always play the men’s role in my relationships with men. But in general, since I became interested in Kabbalah, I’ve lost almost all interest in both men and women. Can I study in a group?

My Answer: Please write to us describing how you view men in general when you are next to them for an extended period of time, when you study together, work together, travel together, drink together and hug each other, sing and dance together with men. What do you feel when men look at you and hug you? Once you respond, we will examine your situation further.

Question: I’ve never felt as bad as I do now. I want to change for the better, but the state I’ve been in for three days already is unbearable and horrible, ranging from the question “What’s all this for? Why do I live?” to “I don’t want to go on living.” I have Kabbalistic books, music, and lessons, and without them I wouldn’t be able to continue. But I don’t want my life to be based on the feeling that I’m being lowered into an abyss of my own dirt, and I’m trying to break out of it!

My Answer: There is nothing besides a person and the Creator – so turn to Him. Your appeal to the Creator will be more effective if you make actions of studying in a group and disseminating.

Question: Every soul is a piece of the general puzzle. Men collect their pieces together to form a Kli. When one person loses the connection and falls out of the general system, then there’s a “hole in the boat,” there’s no Light. This seems clear enough. But how does the female soul fit into this puzzle? I feel like I just don’t belong.

My Answer: This female feeling of being defective (not according to Freud, but according to Kabbalah) will accompany you (as well as all the men who are correcting their Malchut) throughout the entire path until the end of correction. You receive the Light from above through the global men’s group, the same way every man does. And just like the men, you insert your piece of the puzzle, your soul, into the common soul of Adam! You are the same as the men in every way, except for the fact that they attract the Light. The men (the male parts of the common soul) unwillingly accept your desires, and they go out to hunt and to work, in order to attract the Upper Light for everyone.

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A question I received: In your opinion, what will be general attitude towards fashion in a corrected world? Will people care about their appearance? Will we be wearing clothes for as long as we exist in bodies, or will we eventually stop wearing them?

My Answer: If it were up to me, I’d wear pajamas all the time. They’re so comfortable!

The chorus of a Russian song about fashion and relativity goes a little something like this:

I dressed myself according to the latest fashions,
You’d say: “That’s a different man altogether!”
But I’m always the same.
Everything’s relative!

Related Material:
Laitman.com Category: Perception

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A question I received: You say that Kabbalah is a science. That’s fair. The two forces of nature, bestowal and receiving. All of nature is nothing but bestowal, and man is the only element in nature that disrupts the balance, he creates disbalance, and this is why we suffer.

Everything is fine until we get to this point. But finally, when we get to the point where we need to fix the balance, you say: Ohr Makif. Hmm… Some light comes out of nowhere and corrects me. And what confuses me the most is that this light comes from a book. Could you please explain or define what “light” is in a practical and clear manner? I thought that Kabbalah was a science about forces, nature, desires, etc. In my perception Upper Light is not a scientific term and directly refers to something esoteric. Maybe you could make this notion more reasonable and comprehensible? What is this force that corrects us? Is this the force of bestowal? Then why is it called Ohr Makif? How can this “light” able to help prevent suffering on our path of development? Is it in any way related to the corporeal light?

My Answer: If I were you with your love for sciences, I would study “Preface to the Wisdom of Kabbalah” (Pticha) or maybe I would even start studying Talmud Eser Sefirot! These texts explain several spiritual notions in a scientific language: 1. desire, 2. correction of intention from “for one’s own sake” to “for the sake of the Creator,” 3. fulfillment by the Light, pleasure, the Creator, to the extent of the corrected intention. There is nothing else in Kabbalah.

Ohr Makif is a force that influences us from a more corrected state, which we aspire toward. It responds to your aspiration in the following way: it pulls you to a higher, more altruistic state to the same extent you aspire for it. This is an interaction of two vectors of desires. The same mutual influence of forces also exists in our world, when a person aspires for any new thing. The difference is that when it comes to spiritual aspiration, this force that pulls you to a new state is referred to as Light, because it doesn’t just pull you through its influence upon you, but it also changes you, making you become like the new state, one that is spiritual and altruistic. The difference between this force of Light, and the force that pulls you toward a new state in our world is that, the force in our world doesn’t need to change you to pull you to something. Check it out for yourself to eliminate any doubts.

Related Material:
Laitman.com Post: The Physics of the Upper Light
Laitman.com Post: Will God Want to Repeat the Act of Creation?
Laitman.com Post: The Irrationality of Kabbalah

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Two questions I received on whether it is the Creator who is in control, or the person

Question: What comes first? My desire to advance along the path towards the goal, the understanding that everything happens for the sake of correction, without feeling the Creator and His intention to correct creation, or does one first gain the understanding that the Creator does everything in order to do benefit us through different means, and we want to fulfill His desire?

My Answer: This contradiction, “Who comes first?” or “Who governs?” will always remain with you, until the very end of correction. Who determines your thoughts, feelings, and actions – you or the Creator? This contradiction will disappear only once you merge with Him into one whole!

Question: I’m willing to accept the idea that I have to correct myself, but it’s difficult for me to accept the idea that everything is done by the Creator. When I experience a descent, then the Creator is doing this for my correction. When I experience an ascent, then the Creator gave it to me. However, I don’t feel that everything is predetermined. What should I do?

My Answer: Try to feel that everything that happens in your thoughts and feelings, and everything that happens around you – everything comes from the Creator! When you study Kabbalistic materials (Baal HaSulam) and make efforts, then during the study you attract the Light of Correction (Ohr Makif – Read item 155 in the “Introduction to Talmud Eser Sefirot“), and gradually, as if out of a fog, this Light will reveal the Creator to you!

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A question I received: In relation to my previous question, if a person turns into a dull and somber person, wouldn’t it be difficult for him to endure spiritual descents, which always happen when one ascends up the levels? In many texts, Kabbalists link the correction of one’s qualities to the perfection of creation and equivalence of form with the Creator. Please help me solve this riddle.

My Answer: As a person who is spiritually progressing justifies the Creator in everything (and since he justifies everything, he is called righteous). It’s impossible for such a person to be dull and somber.

Growing closer to the Creator means gaining equivalence of form with Him. Instead of the qualities one was born with, one gains qualities that become revealed after the Machsom (barrier), from BYA de Tumah (ed. the impure worlds of BYA – BYA is short for Beria, Yetzira, Assiya), where the 613 qualities of real egoism (Pharoah) reside, those which are against the Creator. By changing one’s intentions from “for my own sake” to “for the sake of the Creator,” with the help of the Light of Torah, from BYA de Kedusha (ed. the holy worlds of BYA), a person thereby fulfills the 613 commandments and attains full equivalence and adhesion with the Creator. Naturally, this bears no relation to performing any actions with our animate body, as it is written “The Creator does not care for how one slaughters cattle – from the head or from the neck (that is, the mechanical observance), but rather the commandments were given in order to correct man.”

Related Material:
Chapter 15 from the Book Attaining the Worlds Beyond: Gradual Spiritual Correction
Chapter 18 from the Book Interview with the Future: A Spiritual Task
Chapter 2.12 in the Book The Path of Kabbalah: The Body at the End of Correction

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Two questions I received on “love thy neighbor”

Question: When you discussed the article “The Revelation of Godliness,” you explained that there is no rule of “love thy neighbor” in religions. You have given examples of religious wars and caste among Hindus. How am I to understand the wars against the “seven nations” and Amalek through the prism of love for one’s neighbor?

My Answer: These are internal wars that take place within the person, wars against one’s egoism. They aren’t wars where people are killed physically! Kabbalah only engages in correcting human egoism.

Question: I get the impression that there is purification through complete destruction (for example, idol worshiping cities), and that this is present even in the Torah. I am trying to understand how such actions can be properly carried out in accordance with “love for one’s neighbor.” It seems to me that even if these actions are sincerely performed out of love for one’s neighbor, they will still bring the following generations to wrong conclusions, and cruelty and destruction will result.

My Answer: Once again, these questions support the following conclusions: the Torah does not discuss externality; it only discusses the person’s inner correction. It is impossible to change or correct anything in egoism with physical actions. We only need to correct our egoistic nature. This is why the Torah only speaks about our inner correction.

Baal HaSulam writes with sorrow about the fact that Kabbalah books and The Zohar are full of “descriptions of our world,” and how this confuses people studying Kabbalah. For this reason, it is of utmost importance to free Kabbalah from that style, so that it would become clear to each and everyone studying Kabbalah that it only discusses spirituality. Spirituality does not clothe into materiality, and it has no connection to it whatsoever; it is only a force outside of matter. The entirety of Kabbalah needs to be rewritten in this style, so that nobody will be confused, and everybody will perceive its methodology correctly. This is what we still have to do!

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