Development means constantly limiting the desire, which is inevitable. Even the most advanced educational approaches that do not use punishments still limit children but in other ways. An embryo in his mother’s womb also develops by limitations. All of nature is based on this principle, and if we kept it in our development, we would certainly avoid troubles and sorrow.

But we followed the opposite path and removed all the obstacles: Free your ego, abuse others as much as you can, abuse the whole world for your own interests. A person sees himself as great when he manages to steal millions and is respected for it. We have totally distorted our way by giving up any form of restraint. Our desires are not limited by anything and we can also see that on TV, in modern cultural and educational forms. Judging by what is happening with children and the youth, we are cultivating a generation that grows by beastly models and not human models of behavior and thinking. What kind of models does advertising present?

We see the outcomes: Without limiting ourselves, we reach collapse and sufferings, and we begin to understand that we have to change. This is what awaits us since we are not really suffering yet.

If we were as flexible as babies who can be easily directed to develop in the right way, if we responded to what is going on with the same speed, with the same readiness they do, then everything would be just fine. We could see that the Creator is the perfect educator and we wouldn’t come to Him with any complaints.

But in order to do that, we have to respond correctly to His educations and to be sensitive. Kabbalists tell us how we can acquire this attitude; they say we should connect and be “good kids,” we should be sociable, kind, and responsible for one another, to create mutual guarantee, etc.

Clearly, children don’t want to listen to anyone. They only want to go in every direction. But the grownups impose discipline on them and so does the Creator, although He hasn’t started to treat us seriously yet. One way or the other, the same laws penetrate through all the worlds, but the point is that we have to learn from nature and not invent artificial limitations.

This refers to the educators of children too. Nature shows us how, when, and in what way to limit them according to the stages of development. Actually nothing depends on us, we only carry things out. If we studied well the laws of creation and children’s’ nature, we would know exactly how to act in every phase, now and in the future. Ideally, an educator carries out nature’s orders. He never invents anything new but only implements its plan. This is his obligation: to gradually, day by day, bring the little person’s nature to match the upper nature.
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From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/9/12, “Introduction to The Book of Zohar”

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In the News (from The Christian Science Monitor): “But for as long as there have been arts, people have wondered what effect violent content has on behavior. Plato wanted to keep young people away from intense plays, which he felt skewed proper character development. His student Aristotle disagreed, arguing that drama had a cathartic effect, channeling off anger and aggression. …

“Conclusion: Media violence poses a threat to public health inasmuch as it leads to an increase in real-world violence and aggression. Every category of violent imagery had an effect: fictional TV and film, TV news, video games.

“At the same time, recent neuroscience experiments appear to indicate that prolonged exposure to violent and aggressive imagery decreases inhibitions about actual violence and aggression. While all such research remains provisional, the preponderance of evidence does seem to side with Plato, not Aristotle.”

My Comments: Only the environment (the influence of all kinds of people and the media) brings up a person, develops in him a scale of values and the level of restrictions. That is why, once in a certain environment, people can no longer resist its influence and become like it.
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Question: When we looked at the system of child development, the stages are defined from the age of zero to three years, from three to six, etc. Are there any steps in family relationships?

Answer: Before marrying, I would strongly advise that all girls and boys take special courses where they study anatomy, physiology, psychology, and integral education. I would give them time, no marriage until they receive a diploma. Let them deal with each other as they want.

It’s a pity how much people spend time, resources, energy, and their health on the unsuccessful attempts to create a family. Still, it does not go unnoticed.

No matter who I talk to, everyone felt wounded, especially if they had children. You can divorce, but the children remain. Children consider the father’s leaving as betrayal. Even if he spent more time with them than living with them under the same roof, even if he showered them with presents, they would still think of him as a traitor. But if he lives in the family, though not giving them a lot of time and even punishing them, he is their father.

It is necessary to explain all this to young people, to show them scenes from life so that they feel that. Then, they will develop a completely different attitude to the union they are entering.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/8/12

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In the News (from DailyMail): “British children as young as seven are taking ecstasy and cannabis, it was revealed today.

“Nine-year-olds are also trying cocaine and often it is because their parents are failing to control them, experts say.

“The Government’s annual crime survey has shown for the first time the youngest users of the most popular drugs in Britain – cannabis, ecstasy and cocaine.

“They found almost one in three who have ever smoked cannabis first tried it when they were under 16.

“Around six per cent of those who had ever taken Class A cocaine took it first at school and 8.2 per cent had taken ecstasy before they turned 16.

“Jeremy Todd, chief executive of the charity Family Lives, said: ‘We speak to thousands of families every year and evidence shows that parents are the main influence on how children approach drugs and alcohol. …

“But it appears that drugs are getting less attractive to young people. (…) Cannabis use has dropped the most, while there have been reductions in ecstasy and cocaine compared with the 1990s.

“High school children taking drugs is down 12 per cent and the number of under-16s trying cigarettes is at its lowest for 30 years.”

My Comment: Drug use goes; the desire to reveal the meaning of life comes. This is the next form of desire that a person will have to satisfy. It begins to appear also in those who don’t use drugs. It is the desire to understand what makes life worth living, what the purpose of nature is, and what it wants from us. The very existence no longer gives people force to live. The struggle for life will become so severe that if not for drugs, then suicide. The sharp decline in birth rates, the general reluctance to start a family, the lack of goals will force people to find it.
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Question: What is an integral family or an integral relationship in a family?

Answer: When it comes to an integrated family, ideally, from the earliest years, literally from the cradle, it is necessary to prepare children to interact properly with each other. Parents need to understand that they must educate the child so that he will become an integral member of society, and then it will be good, easy, and secure. But first, you need to educate the parents in this spirit, and then this chain will continue since everyone is interconnected with each other, especially in a family.

I think that those people who didn’t receive an integral education, but have created a family and plan to have children, should begin to take at least a short course, which afterward will be supported regularly by weekly lessons and training via TV, via the computer. This should be mandatory.

After all, a woman during pregnancy inspects all kinds of advice. Therefore, if once a week she comes with her husband to an integral education course, it would be good for the family, also for the connection to her husband, and afterward for the education of the child as well.

If we introduce this education, then we will receive a completely different generation, both according to the quality and also according to the rest of the pyramid. The integral education of the child is latent in the family and afterward we need to naturally continue it in kindergarten, in school, and even in the workplace or schools where every person has the opportunity to take short integral courses, and afterward to simply be in some supportive structure.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/8/12

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The closest connection that exists in each of our lives is the connection within the family, between the husband and wife. But it doesn’t matter how much we might want, it is impossible to give any miraculous prescriptions or instantly applicable advice of what to do in order to settle relations in the family.

Once in the past, it was possible, but today it doesn’t work anymore. Today, what is needed is that a person, first of all, corrects his general relation to life, to himself, and the people around him, his relation to the world he lives in. Only after the course of integral education, after the development of consciousness and the grasping of the new world inside him, to the “new person” that develops in him, will it be easy to build new systems of good relationships. In this way, he will transform his life to happiness and be rid of all the problems he is surrounded with today.

One must build educational systems that will mold the person. And then, to the extent that the person changes, he will begin to build proper and corrected relations with others, including the marital relationship. For this reason, this subject doesn’t only belong to married couples, but also to single people. They also feel that they aren’t settled, that they don’t fit in within the family framework.

First of all, we must understand that divorce doesn’t solve any problems and it is worthwhile for us to build a completely new system of relations. It isn’t possible to continue as usual and to hope that everything will work out differently in the new family. You can be sure that there will be the same problems.

It is exactly for this reason that people today don’t want to get married, since already in advance they assume that their attempt won’t be successful. It looks like a natural phenomenon. Why would a person resign himself to trouble he sees in advance? We see how many problems an unsuccessful marriage can bring, ending in divorce, and how much the ruined relationships of people who are close to us costs in terms of money, health, time, and nerves.

Thus a person abstains in advance from building a family. We see this tendency everywhere. In all countries, there is a similar picture. Thus, before one builds a new person, it is impossible to talk about building a system of relations for couples.

Once it was possible to repair them with the help of talks with a psychologist, with certain affirmations. Man’s ego still wasn’t as big as it is today when he doesn’t agree to any compromises. And man isn’t to blame, he simply is not able to agree.

We have developed to a situation where a person wants to stay a child all his life or to be completely free and allowed to do anything. He doesn’t want to commit or limit himself to anything. He expects his wife to be like a mother and to excuse him for everything and not to demand anything from him, but to flood him in an ocean of love, no matter how he behaves.

Usually, this relationship is typical of men. However, also women have changed their relation to marriage and even if there are children, they aren’t afraid to change husbands or to become and remain single.

It’s a wonder, but today a woman with a child is able to build a new family quickly and receive much more than a woman without children. Men don’t see someone else’s child as an obstacle to marriage. Surprising they don’t rush to and aren’t interested in having children of their own, but they are ready to marry a woman with a child. He doesn’t see any obstacle in this. This phenomenon is certainly prominent in our times.

In years past, on the contrary, a woman with a child, after a divorce, found it very hard to remarry. It was only seldom that someone would agree to take a woman with a child. Each one wanted to have children of his own. This means that there are a number of phenomena that are characteristic of our time that we need to take into account.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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Opinion (Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. American writer and family counselor):

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

My Comment: All current research confirms the findings of thousands of years of Kabbalah, that the formation of a person is completely determined by the environment, the environment in which he grows.
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Opinion (Mark Sandomirsky, psychotherapist): “The younger ones often know more than the senior ones. Technological progress is very rapid, and the difference in the perception of the world for children and adults is enormous.

“The so-called pre-figurative society has been formed, which in principle is easily explained: children process the information field differently, assimilate the data more quickly, and for adults it is more difficult to keep up with advances in technology. That is why a five-year-old can easily turn on any electrical device and tell his grandmother how to use it.

“And one could only be glad that a new generation is advancing if it were not for the problems arising from this distance between adults and children.

“The first one is that the younger generation develops the illusion of access to knowledge: you can ‘google’ any information and find it on the Internet. The second one is that their sense of superiority destroys the authority of adults. Both of these problems are concentrated precisely in school, but it is simply impossible to solve them in the present school organization. …

“Two things are still needed for the effective learning of children. Firstly, they must come together to compete with each other, including assessment, as competition is the best stimulus for learning. Secondly, they just need an adult who would be the moral authority for them and coordinator of information flow. ”

My Comment: We need to get together, not to develop competitive skills, but to develop mutual support and understanding that in today’s integral society it is precisely cooperation that gives rise to success.
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Question: Currently there is a lot of conflict in schools. Visiting a school seems to highlight the disagreements: The teachers aren’t satisfied with the kids, the kids aren’t satisfied with the teachers, and the parents are not satisfied with either of them. When my wife returns from visiting the school, she shares this pain. You say that this needs to be corrected. How can I, as a man, correct this; what should I do?

Answer: Nothing. What can you do?

You must change the system of upbringing: the upbringing and not the education! The education might be good and teachers of various subjects may also be good, but there is no upbringing! There is no such subject; there are no people that know how to bring up children or who work on the upbringing. There is none of that.

Just think about what will happen in the next generation. It won’t even exist. Nobody wants such a generation. It is why people don’t want to have children today, to create a family. What for? So that what we see today will continue to happen? Why have these unhappy children?

If your children are important to you, then get together at the school and decide what more you can do with them within its framework. However, you simply don’t care about them, you only drop them off at some organization called “school,” the “department of education,” and that’s it. You let them work with the kids. This must not happen!

I once had a problem with my son. I sent him to study at a special boarding school, and he used to come home once every few weeks. After one and a half years, they called me: “He is misbehaving. We want to expel him.” I was outraged: “How is this possible? Where was he for the past year and a half? He was with you, so who made him this bad? It was you, and now you want to expel him? You spoil the children, and then you kick them out according to your system; that’s all. How did he become this way by himself if he was in your hands all of this time? So go ahead and correct him now!”

So we have to rebuild the school. We see what kind of a generation it is producing because this is how we are bringing them up.

We have such an opportunity! See how everything is structured in nature: We can make anyone out of a human child, from the biggest villain to the most righteous man. Everything is in our hands. And who do we create? An unhappy person who suffers all of his life, who walks with his head drawn into his shoulders, hiding from everything, afraid of everything, drowning his sorrows in vodka, and has nothing from this life until he leaves it. What is the purpose of having such a life? Let’s finally take a good look at what we have done. We are the ones who did it.

Question: So if some of my friends tell me that they are having difficulties at their school, then basically it is possible to go to the school and show them how the integral methodology works?

Answer: Of course it is possible. You will always be accepted. No principal of the school will ever tell you: “No!” You are a certified psychologist, you have the recommendations and you are known on television. You want to give a demonstration lesson, a master class, and so on. Please, do it! They will gladly agree. Unobtrusively place a small camera there in order to not make the students inhibited and so that others can watch the lesson from the next building. Today all of this is not a problem.

Question: You believe that the moment has already come to give the integral methodology to the people?

Answer: Include the parents like we do in a school, or involve the management, which suffers from the fact that violence and a very low level of performance is thriving in their school. You have two paths, either through the parents or through the school management. Try to take action. This is what you have to start with! You will see what a benefit this is. You will have no obstacles, no opponents in this field, since everyone feels the pain of what is going on with the children.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: During the second half of the twentieth century, the so-called “body-oriented psychotherapy” became popular. This refers to people who mainly perceive the world through tactile sensations. According to the integral method, once we rise to the new level, we separate from our bodies. Then, what about the people who have become accustomed to touching one another throughout their lives? What about them?

Answer: Tactile sensations naturally serve as an auxiliary element of initial contact because every person perceives certain influences through them. It is necessary to sit people in a circle where they touch each other’s knees or elbows and sometimes even hold hands and hug.

We try to sit men and women separately in different circles to annul various disturbances and give them the ability to touch freely, and so on. In other words, physical contact is very significant in the initial stage of the integral method.

For beginners, it is still very important to directly feel the people they are with. I do not think that, in the beginning, people can go online and via virtual channels begin to contact each for a virtual roundtable. It is difficult, although possible.

Question: The so-called “caressing” of a child is considered to be the model state of upbringing. As a psychotherapist, I know that there are many people who have not received enough caressing and touching in their childhood. Will the integral connection allow people to receive this sensation?

Answer: I do not know. I have not felt my students express any other need than the need to feel the next inner influence, the inner unity though tactile sensations such as holding hands and hugging each other in a circle. Nothing is leading toward caressing because all aspirations are initially directed toward inner unity.

Question: Should children be caressed?

Answer: Yes. Regrettably, we do not educate people. We do not prepare them for being parents. They do not understand this.

Question: Once a person rises above the level of the body, unites and acquires integral perception, will he be able to compensate for a lack of upbringing?

Answer: He absolutely will be able to compensate for the lack of anything! In general, once we create an integral atmosphere in the society, all the people instinctively and internally will understand the correct kind of attitude toward children, adults, and the elderly. All this already will have come into balance.
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From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 05/25/12

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