Question: The thoughts about spirituality cause sadness and suffering in me because I do not feel the Creator. What can I do?
Answer: If a person feels real sufferings in his life, this pain hides the Creator from him. This is done purposefully so that we do not damage our relationship with the Creator and yet remain connected with Him rather than starting to hate and reject Him.
There are various states, but to the extent that a person feels bad, to that extent the Creator is hidden, we have to attain mutual support and guarantee from the environment. In this case, even at the time of greater troubles, the environment will help us rise above a bad feeling to its cause.
Then I will understand that the feeling of evil comes not from the Creator, not from the upper force, but from the force of my own egoism. I will start to divide my feelings in two parts: 1) my desires that are not corrected and make me feel bad in them, and 2) the Creator, the upper Light, that radiates good upon me.
Precisely because the Creator emanates good upon me, while I am opposite to Him, I sense good as evil; that is, for me His good turns into its opposite. Therefore, the Creator cannot be revealed to me more because I will feel so bad that I will not be able to stand it.
As long as we remain uncorrected and feel the Creator in His opposite form because our ego turns Light into darkness, the Creator is revealed to us to the extent that we can bear this. And to the extent that we cannot tolerate, He hides.
He reveals Himself only slightly to disclose just a bit of evil to us, so that we do not disconnect from our mind and can analyze our feelings. Then, I begin to check where this evil comes from and what causes it. Consequently, I come to the group, the books, and the teacher who explain to me that I evoke evil myself because of my oppositeness to the Creator.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/24/2011, Shamati #241