Question: I am in a descent ever since the Convention has ended. I’m afraid that I have lost the desire for bestowal. I work in the group, but do not feel that this helps, and maybe it even interferes. I am thinking about leaving just in order to reveal the desire again. Is this correct?
Answer: What desire will you reveal if you leave? The desire to go to a bar or a football game? We receive the need for spirituality only from the environment. By leaving it you will go in the exactly opposite direction.
It is written about the revelation of egoism: The sinners will fall where the righteous walk. This is your dilemma: to become righteous or a sinner.
The concealment that came after the Convention revealed a new, powerful, egoistic desire in you, intended for you to work on and correct. However, you want to run away from this work instead of making a new start precisely from the place where you have to.
We always advance from the “opposite” – from the revelation of a new, corrupted part of the desire for pleasure. In this place you must only discern your connection with the goal. In reality this corrupted part does not separate me from the goal at all, but on the contrary, it offers me the opportunity to move forward by pulling it towards correction.
However, in the process I experience bad sensations, darkness, and helplessness. Heaviness and indifference come down on me and all the passionate speeches lose flavor. So what should I do? How can I keep from running away?
That is when habit, obligation, and an established order come to the rescue. My efforts accumulate, penny by penny, until reaching a great sum. No matter what happens, you cannot leave the path.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 11/21/10, The Zohar
A Treasure Gathered From Pennies