Question: What does it mean to “raise a child with the ‘Torah and commandments’ and with the intention to bestow to the Creator instead of love for himself?”
Answer: Commandments are the steps of the correction of our egoistic desire, the desire to receive pleasure, which becomes revealed more on every step as if to hinder love between us. However, when we correct this egoism that pushes us apart and turn it into bestowal, love manifests itself specifically in it, that is, it becomes our ally. This is what we refer to as the Torah and commandments.
The Torah is the Light that Reforms, love and bestowal, and commandments are the actions of correcting the human desires into love and bestowal. The Torah is the method that allows us to attain love, union, and bestowal because it contains the Light, the force of correction. This Light created the desire, and only it can correct it. However, there is a condition: We must desire the correction, evoke the Light to act. This is the role of man.
Children are raised neither by their father nor mother, nor by the school teacher. Even if you were the greatest of Kabbalists, you would not be able to raise a child; only the proper society can do it. No matter how much parents put into their children, children do not take anything from their parents, but rather fall under the influence of their environment on the street or in school, and there they receive all their models of behavior and life values.
They perceive their fathers and mothers as a system and not their environment. The environment is something that is close to the children. It speaks a language the children understand and it also understands them. They are on one level. The need for the environment arises around the age of three to four, and it is necessary to place proper boundaries around them.
In the wisdom of Kabbalah, we learn that we only perceive either the Partzuf that is equal to us or a higher one that has descended to us. We do not perceive above the level equal to us. This is why a child perceives the father and mother as those who must serve him.
This is why it is only possible to educate through the environment. Create a proper environment for your children. Then, you will be able to influence them.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/10/10, “The Love of the Creator and Love of the Created Beings”