“Repentance” means that I felt that I have sinned, but was still unable to proceed by the correct path. I didn’t ask the Creator for the strength to rise above pleasant or unpleasant sensations and to always relate to Him as to the One who does good. I couldn’t bear this and descended.

Now, in order to ascend again, I need the “awakening from below” and the “awakening from Above.” For this purpose, a special stimulation comes during particular periods of time called holidays such as the month of ELUL, which is an abbreviation for “I am for my beloved, and my beloved is mine.” This stimulation leads to new decisions, sensations, and impressions.

And then I ask for correction of the sins that did not allow me to achieve goodness, rise, request the force of faith, and advance spiritually. Instead, they led me to a descent which, of course, was planned by the Creator. Is it necessary for me to constantly stumble and fall? Yes, it is. There is no other way. As it is written, “The righteous will fall a thousand times and rise again.”

The sensation of a sin, even for the second time, is still insufficient in order to advance and feel it in all of its depth. The first time, I merely feel how the Light barely touches the vessel and creates a desire in me. The second time, I am shown the screen against my desire to enjoy. When I sin for the third time, I begin to reveal the attitude to the Creator above the desires.

Therefore, there is no other choice: Everyone must become the complete wicked. Otherwise, it is impossible to be corrected and become the complete righteous. Only impurity turns into sanctity. However, it is only possible to become wicked if one has an aspiration to become righteous.

From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/14/10, “Preparation for the Reception of Torah”

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