The Upper One exposes to us its lower part, Malchut, as a black void, promising nothing good. The “Upper World” (the spiritual world) is presented to us so unattractive on purpose. Meanwhile, in “this world” that we feel in the Keter of the lower one, we find at least some pleasure.
I exist in such state that even this world doesn’t attract me, and the state of the Upper One seems to be even worse. Actually, I am not even filled in my egoistic, receiving desires, but the Upper One loads some more on me by suggesting: “You wanted to be in bestowal!” I don’t have anything, and yet the Upper One is telling me: “Come on, share what you have with the others!”
Hence, I can accept what the Upper One suggests solely without thinking, without any conditions, and not through my own efforts. I can do it only by the force of the Light, without making any plans and having hopes to fill my egoism and receive some benefit in “this world.”
Most important for a person is to reach the state of bestowal. And then, he will have everything, but only after he rejects it! He will receive fulfillment (satisfaction), yet not through reception, but through bestowal.
This is how we should view the month of Elul before the beginning of the New Year, the start of one’s spiritual journey. ELUL, as an acronym, means “I am for my Beloved, and my Beloved is for me.” The Upper One hands down these hopeless conditions to me so that with their help I may break free from my egoistic state. In fact, if He promised me something good, I would never be able to tear away from my egoism, as I am chained to it by pleasure.
It is written: “The Creator places man’s hand on a good fate” by submerging his life into darkness and void but, on the other hand, reveals to man a tiny beam of Light to show the way out of the dark. This beam of Light is not an egoistic, material gain. The Creator provides me with the help on my spiritual path: He brings me to a Kabbalistic group, where I can exercise my free will and choose the correct environment.
The Light “illuminates” a bit, meaning that it gives me a sensation that bestowal in particular is the Light. It makes me feel that the Light is ascent above my egoism when it doesn’t matter whether it’s filled or empty since what counts is Whom I’m connected with.
The Creator lets me know the following: You suffer in the corporeal state, so don’t seek material fulfillment. Rather, being in this state, look upward: Think about what other life may exist, in other values, in bestowal, in another dimension (of happiness).
This means that a beam of Light is shining onto me through the cracks in the wall that separates me from the Upper World, the world of peace (rest from my egoism and worry about filling it) and perfection (aspiration to bestowal and love).
From the 2nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/6/10, Shamati #42