Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 169

How Can We Not Want to Receive Something If We Never Received It in the First Place?

Since spirituality is concealed, we seemingly want it, but in reality, we mainly want to get rid of our suffering. We are given various kinds of suffering in our state in this world, and we need to escape from the suffering. Then it appears to us that we are attracted to spirituality because we truly want it. However, in truth, we cannot want it before we have seen and felt it. Even the charm of the unknown that we imagine for ourselves is not spirituality. Spirituality is in order to bestow, not what we imagine it to be. Time after time, a different character and picture of spirituality becomes clarified for us, and as we progress, the form of spirituality constantly changes for us.

Therefore, we cannot want spirituality as it truly is because it is opposite to us. We get pushed to spirituality because it seems like it will solve our problems. Then the small will to receive that we have for spirituality, which is essentially simple curiosity, we gradually develop through study, by hearing from the environment, from the society: “It is worthwhile,” “It is important,” “It is great.” This attracts us, and we obligate ourselves to study, work, and perform actions that will help us. This study and these actions help us attract the surrounding light.

When we attract the surrounding light, we receive a grace of Kedusha that we never had before. Even though it seemed that we so greatly desired spirituality, the grace of Kedusha that we receive is entirely different. Grace of Kedusha means that we begin to agree with the fact that we must reach “in order to bestow.” This is a very strange and unnatural phenomenon, where within the general Lo Lishma (“not for Her sake”) there begins to appear a little Lishma (“for Her sake”). In other words, we want to do the work so that both we and the Creator will have something. Of course, if nothing were to be gained from it for ourselves, we would not do the work, but a certain intention already appears that it will also be for the Creator.

This state is called “Lo Lishma that leads to Lishma.” The transition already appears there, similar to the shattering of the vessels, where in the vessel, in Malchut, there is a spark from Bina through which Malchut can later receive correction.

Related Material:
Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 168
Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 167
Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 166

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