About 40 years ago, divorce was considered a dishonorable act; today, there is nothing unusual about it. People don’t understand why they have to get married, give birth to children, and why they should continue to live!

If the answer to this question is not found, a person won’t need to have a family or give birth to children. I can continue living by myself as comfortably as possible; what will happen later is not my concern. Today, this is the way our ego relates to life.

But if I discover a higher goal, how to open doors to another world, to eternal intention, moreover, if I know that it can happen here and now, then even though it takes more responsibility and imposes certain liabilities on me such as nullifying myself to attain this goal and reach its importance, it will force me to create a family.

Next, I marry a woman that I choose not because of my animal instincts, but rather as a result of my search for a spiritual partner! My wife stays with me all the time and becomes an indicator through which I trace if I am still on the right track.

Then, we actually achieve the goal, which connects us; instead of our merely tolerating each other, we join together as one whole! This is called: “A man and a wife and Shechina (Divinity) between them.”

We begin to relate to each other through the Creator since we are not alone: He always is between us. That’s why I perceive my wife through the prism of the Creator, that is, I see both the Creator and her. Accordingly, she sees the Creator and me.

If we don’t take into account the third factor we won’t be able to build a triangle (a man, a wife, and the Goal), nor will we be able to live together. At the animal level it is possible, but at the “speaking level” it is not feasible.

I won’t be able to identify the Creator if I don’t look at my husband or wife through this prism.

Originally, we were parts of one common soul: Adam and Eve. Now, we have to revive this “structure”, although the serpent (our huge ego) has split us. We have to correct this “serpent” and reveal the Creator between us.

Question: So, it’s useless to wait for a “prince on a white horse.” Should we rather search for the Creator?

Answer: The Creator is above anything else! Later on you should focus on who can replenish Him in your eyes.
[30406]
From a Lecture “About Femininity” 12/14/10

Related Material:
A Spiritual Family
The “Third Wheel” Doesn’t Hurt
Husband And Wife: Where Is The Creator Between Them?

Filed under: Collective Soul, Family, Lectures, Q&A, Women - 1 Comment →

Question: If a woman possesses a strong and sharp, critical mind and she sees that there is a certain imbalance in the men’s group, can she tell them about it?

Answer: Never. But she can describe and evaluate it. By the way, her evaluations can be very serious, much more serious than men’s.

Women see these things from aside—they see them correctly. There is nothing they can do with themselves, but they have a great ability to see everything that happens to men. And this ability can be used, not by the men’s group, but by educators.

Men should never know about or feel it. They should only feel a positive influence, a state of anticipation of their heroic act, the ascent above themselves.

Question: Then who should women share their criticism with, their girlfriends?

Answer: Women should have an inner desire for things to change between men. They can also do it by discussing it among themselves, but these should be positive discussions, like between “many nannies who have one baby.”
[71465]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

Related Material:
The Return To Nature
A Loving Upbringing
Close Your Eyes To Your Spouse’s Shortcomings

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: The creation of the theoretical foundation of our course includes many different aspects: creating programs and writing. Can women participate in this work?

Answer: Women cannot participate in integration either practically or theoretically, but can only assist with it. Some women have a special inner feeling, but I have met only a few of them. Among the huge amount of women that I feel and observe, these women might be one per thousand, no more than that.

Comment: All right, but at home…

Answer: At home a woman has no right to point her husband anywhere. She does not! This represses him. She has to act softly, like a mother with her child. When she plays this role, like a mother with her child, she achieves everything. But pressuring will only lead to fighting and divorce. This is not nurturing.

A husband needs to be nurtured. She wants it. And nurturing can only be done with love.

Comment: Today, around 80% of women constantly reproach their husbands, pointing out that they do things incorrectly, spend their energy on the wrong things, and so on.

Answer: This is why today 60-70% of young people do not wish to marry. That is right! Why would I need a family like this? And this either leads to divorce or people completely stop thinking about getting married and even co-habitating without obligations.

We bring them up incorrectly.

Question: What is upbringing in relation to communication between a man and a woman?

Answer: They should not speak to each other about how bad either one of them is. Anything but this. I never speak with my wife about this. We stopped doing this even before we got married, during the first months of dating.

Sometimes it happens that you point something out to your partner because you see that he hurts himself by doing it. Then you gently allude that he is hurting his health. But never do it head-on. What will this give you? Things happen, but this should be an exception, not the rule.

So what should people talk about? Only about pleasant things. The man needs to come home like to his mother who will take care of him and keep him warm. He must feel that his house is his fortress, not his prison. How would he ever go back home? Today we live as we think.

Question: So what is upbringing about?

Answer: If you show your partner that you love him or her, they will indirectly see that their certain actions are undesirable and hurtful, and they will not do these things. If you indirectly show them that you expect something from them, they will feel what they can do for you. But this can only be done with kindness.

Upbringing is only done with kindness. A small child only grows when you give him, fulfill him,and take care of him. The same rule applies if you wish to change or form a person.

Question: Then where is the place for the “lash,” the second line, which must be present?

Answer: This must not exist between a man and a woman. Never.

We have to interact with one another only causing positive feelings in our partner and showing very little upset, only to the extent of a person’s ability to constantly change. If your partner sees that from their perspective the action is correct, but from yours it is not, and you show or display it by suddenly taking a big offense, even if it is not relative to them, it will not help them correct their actions. One should be smart in this regard.

But we see that we absolutely do not educate people in our world. When a person graduates from school, he knows a bit of physics, a bit of math, and that is it. He enters life with no knowledge about human interaction or child upbringing—no knowledge at all. The only subject that was introduced in schools is sex education, which is only necessary to properly complement everything else. This is why our upbringing, if we can even call it that, is very ugly.

Integral upbringing assumes that in a family people give to one another since a family can only be built on mutual concessions. My teacher used to say that love is something that grows out of mutual concessions, when you “move yourself aside” and let the other person enter you, and he does the same to let you enter him. And then it turns out that each partner enters the other, and this mutual segment is called a family, and the sensation of your partner inside you is called love.
[71462]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

Related Material:
The Return To Nature
Women’s Criticism
Close Your Eyes To Your Spouse’s Shortcomings

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Love, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: Who should teach a group of women: a man or a woman?

Answer: A man. A woman cannot be a teacher. She can be his assistant, and also not always. In any case, the image of the teacher, the image of the instructor, the image of the leader—it is a man.

Question: What should practical lessons for women include? Should women discuss men?

Answer: They spend very little time discussing both men and themselves. They study this objectively.

We only try to organize lessons for them and limit the games and joint events, to avoid interfering with their inner part or making them feel forced or obligated. After all, our entire system is integral, it is only built on awareness. Without awareness, a person does not advance. His or her advancement only depends on the degree of their realization of their own desire for inner movement and personal change.

This is why women begin to work inside gradually, only to the extent of their comprehension of the material, and not based on the contact between them. And if they are in group, it is only to discuss the studied material, but never from a personal perspective, like in the men’s group.

Comment: Today we observe a mixing of roles. And what we are talking about now is a well forgotten past.

Answer: No, the modern mixing of roles is artificial. It is not natural, but imposed. And people can be easily stripped of the things done to them today. We see that everything that manifests today is superficial and external. The fact that a woman is becoming manlike in her internal and external states is just a manifestation of the mutating egoism.

I do not think that we should continue playing with it; rather, we should instead return to nature. If we wish to advance towards harmony with nature, under no circumstances should we go in the direction of what our society has done with us.
[71468]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

Related Material:
Women’s Criticism
A Loving Upbringing
The Integral Upbringing Of Spouses

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: Since there are men’s and women’s groups in integral upbringing courses, I would like to clarify the nature of women’s groups.

Answer: A woman is a very reserved creature who perceives herself and the world inside her. While between men there is interaction, support, a friendly environment, and readiness to sacrifice for others, this does not exist between women initially, by nature. Every female, every woman, anything female is designed to exist on her own, protect her boundaries, children, household, den, and so on.

This is instilled in them by nature, and this is why we must not deform it. We have no right to break the woman’s nature; on the contrary, we have to develop it harmoniously, and at the same time integrate women with each other. How can you accomplish this?

This can be done by creating a strong men’s group that serves as an example to women and urges them to support the men’s group. The men’s group realizes the importance of the influence of the women’s group and that without the unification of women, they won’t be able to support the men’s group. And the only time the women can identify and connect with the men’s group is when they are to a certain degree connected between them.

When the women have a common external goal, they can organize themselves and exist this way like different women’s organizations. Instead of integrating, every woman should understand and affiliate herself with the external goal: “You have to ‘cling’ to men, exist in them, support them, instead of us, women, doing it between ourselves.” The women’s group can unite in this way.

Then the women exist around the men’s group in the form of very strong support, as an essential part of the existence of the men’s group. This kind of unified women’s environment, which as if represents an external circle in relation to the internal men’s group, is a very powerful union of the male and female origin in nature.

This way these two integral communities interact with each other: Men influence women with their unity, and the women suddenly begin to feel it; this begins to attract them, and they gradually begin to interact and unite for this sake. They lose their natural individuality between them.

Women can unite between them for the sake of helping men to unite (in return they receive the power of unity, this is their only way to “power up” from it). In other words, they lose their purely natural individuality and are able to rise above themselves.

Question: How do you practically realize this?

Answer: Practical realization happens in separate groups, which we prepare and lead towards the goal, studying corresponding materials and the method of integral upbringing. Naturally, when studying in a women’s group, women do not pay attention to each other: Everyone comes and leaves individually. There might be friends among them, but this also ends eventually, things change. This is a women’s nature.

This is actually a very interesting and complicated individuality, a real individual natural egoism in its pure form, and it’s good to observe it. In other words, my “I’ is always inside me and never next to anyone else. And when it happens to be next to somebody else, it is only when we are able to help each other with something in the given situation or somewhat ease our state, and no more than that. We understand this as psychologists who deal with people.

But here the influence of the men’s group plays a great role. By uniting and setting an example, the men’s group evokes in the women the need to influence it together, and then women unite to this extent. Besides, this happens against their will. We see that this is a law of nature. In other words, a strong men’s group shows the women that unity is power and it causes them to rise above their individual “I.”

Question: How does this manifest in practice?

Answer: They can feel as one unified female whole. They can begin to hug like men, which is completely unnatural to them. Women might feel that they need to be together to evoke unity in men, through which they will also attain the inner state of unity for themselves, which they are not able to receive by themselves. They can neither conquer, nor get, nor buy it—there is no other way to acquire it.

Question: Do women and men have slightly different roles in integral unity?

Answer: That is right! These are absolutely different roles!

We do not put pressure either on the men’s or the women’s nature. It is their interaction with each other that gradually brings them to different forms of integration.
[71369]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

Related Material:
The Power Of Women’s Support
The Influence Of The Women’s Group On The Men’s Group
Let Us Please Each Other

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: There was a psychological experiment in training sessions for couples: A person was supposed to give the most pleasure to their partner with a single touch of the hand. There were three options: The first option was to try to please the other. The second was to touch hands without intention. And the third option was to receive the most pleasure from touching the other person.

The experiments concluded that the person receives the most pleasure by pleasing their partner, and when another tries to please him, it feels very unpleasant. What is this phenomenon? Is this something that has to do with integrality, egoism?

Answer: First of all it doesn’t matter who is sitting before me: whether it’s a woman, a man, a child an elderly person, a girl, an old woman, or even an animal—I should completely separate myself from any difference between us. I have to imagine an object before me with whom I have to establish contact.

Moreover, this contact is above our animal existence where I absolutely don’t care who and what the other person is in terms of their animalistic essence. Only one thing matters: What their current position in relation to me is, what they generate from themselves despite their nature.

It’s not contact between two animal objects, but two desires that want to integrate, give pure and abstract pleasure and fulfillment to one another. In other words, regardless of what and who you are, I come from a feeling of only wishing you good. In this case, when we rise above our animal inclination, our beastly state, the conditions set by nature, and begin to interact between us, this is where the experiment begins.

Either I wish to receive pleasure from an object (there is just an “object” before me), or I wish to convey my good attitude to this object, to fulfill it, wanting it to feel it, even if it’s through touch. By abstracting ourselves from our own ego, we want to suppress our sensations so as to make them neutral, meaning turn them into abstractly-egoistic, abstractly-altruistic, and abstractly-neutral states.

This is the beginning of our experiment, the primary purpose of which is a state whereby we rise above age, sexual, racial, national, and other differences and start contacting the essence. You are a desire and an intention (mind), and I am the same. This is how our mind and desires for integration can interact between them, independent from our external shell. This is what we try to do.

This is the initial direction for working in the group, especially a mixed group. At first we work a little with mixed groups, but then, once the people begin to understand that the opposite sex impedes them from concentrating on the level above our world, above our natural qualities, we can separate them. People will no longer have preconceived opinions regarding our actions towards them, and then we will divide them into a men’s and a women’s group.

And afterwards, once they are able to rise above it and work on purely integral level, we can once again combine them. But this is not a simple moment and requires many months of serious effort.
[71372]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

Related Material:
The Influence Of The Women’s Group On The Men’s Group
The Power Of Women’s Support
Inside A Unified System

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: Men’s work on integral unity takes 7-8 hours a day. Is a woman supposed to spend as much 
time studying?

Answer: Women have much fewer problems than men because their work begins when they join work 
around the men’s group.

Before that, their work is in theoretical studies, and there cannot be any ties there. This includes discussions, role playing, and dedicating a lot of time to the upbringing of children from the integral perspective, and so on, but not on the relationships between women, which they will feel is a just violation of their nature.

A woman’s group begins to observe the men and their mutual work only once they are ready and the men’s group is sufficiently trained in theory and is already undergoing practical integration among themselves. We gradually begin to teach them the foundations of the help needed from their part to attain the next state: the state of unity, harmony, and the perception of nature on the next level of “Adam” (“Man”), which we can reach through this kind of unity.

The men’s group attains unity with their own strength, as a man attains fulfillment and food.

The women’s group helps them with it, inspires, pushes them, and serves as a very powerful tool for men without which they cannot unite. The women must influence men very carefully without disturbing their sensation of uniting, they must give the men a feeling that they are expecting it from them, they value them, inspire them, and treat them like a mother to a child.

Every woman can relate to men this way, and the men feel the woman’s influence. This is why the women’s group takes on the fundamental role in moving the men’s group towards unity, by influencing it with its inspiration and expectation, like a mother: “What do I expect from my child.” And the child feels that the mother is expecting a certain result from him.

All this needs to be done carefully and gently to avoid causing the feeling of indifference in men or a negative reaction. Everything must be done very delicately, to a certain extent, and always measured.

When both groups look at themselves objectively from aside, they feel that they need each other. I admit to the women’s group that I need its support and influence, its inspiration, its expectation of something of me. This will inspire, support me, and rouse me toward achieving a result.

In general, there is a huge range of influences of mutual feelings and expectations. If all of this is done through indirect contact, from afar, through “induction” from the women’s group to the men’s group, then a result of proper mutual interaction is achieved.

And as a result, the men’s group attains unity with the help of the women’s group. And this unity is passed on to the women’s group.

But these groups do not merge, do not mix; they keep existing as two “circles”: the external – women’s, and the internal – men’s.
[71366]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

Related Material:
The Power Of Women’s Support
Playing Is Serious Business
Inside A Unified System

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Unity, Women - No Comments →

Question: I played basketball when I was young, and I remember that our team had better results when there were girls sitting on the bench, quietly supporting us. But when guys were sitting, the inspiration wasn’t there. In groups of integral upbringing, how will women observe men: through video cameras?

Answer: From time to time we organize mutual picnics, trips, and meetings. We know each other, but in principle, this knowledge is pointless. I do not need to know anyone’s face.

It is simply the weight of the women, which shows me that it depends on me and waits for the manifestation of my masculine inclination; this is enough. They do not interfere in our work, but just like the players on the field, we must feel this pressure.

I must feel on my back the gaze of the women’s part, which evokes all these actions in me, not pride or any other egoistic impulses, but responsibility for the  expectation that we will enter a new level. This is necessary.

Women are not pushing us towards individual acts of heroism, but specifically towards rising above ourselves and unity. At the same time, each one of us loses himself, but together we attain the form of “Adam.”
[71362]
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11

Related Material:
The Influence Of The Women’s Group On The Men’s Group
A Man And A Woman: Two Factors For Success
Women’s Support

Filed under: Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Unity, Women - No Comments →

Question: Are women able to pretend amongst them and should they do so, like the men in the group?

Answer: Yes, women should also pretend amongst them. They should unite in order “to pressure” the men despite their ego. For that purpose they have to pretend.

We all have to pretend because we’re all in the egoistic desire, and emerging from it means playing altruism, bestowal and love, and the universal bond.

These attempts summon the upper Light’s influence upon us. Hence, our whole life is truly a game. This is serious business.
[69732]
From the Lecture on Unity Day “To Acquire a Desire to Give” 1/29/2012

Related Material:
A Play Without Extras
Habit Becomes Second Nature
A Game Based On Nuances

Filed under: Group Work, Inner Work, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

In the News (from Daily Mail): “While unattached women are too busy enjoying their freedom to care about the absence of a companion on February 14, men feel lonely if there are no cards through the letterbox, according to a study.

“While more than half of unattached women say they are happy as they are, only 39 per cent of single men feel the same. And less than a third of women say they actively dislike being alone, while 70 per cent of men admit feeling this way.

“Traditionally, women were looking for love and the security provided by a man who was the breadwinner. However, women’s success in the workplace has led to increasing financial independence.

“At the same time, many men still believe women should take care of house and home – and so feel ill-equipped to do it themselves when they don’t have a partner.

“Single women said they can buy themselves more treats and more than half have plenty of time to spend with their friends compared to around one in three who are in a couple.

“Of those who are single, it is women who are happiest. Many put their education and careers first, and as a result, women are more financially independent and self-sufficient than ever before.

“The researchers found that single men and women were more likely than those in couples to invest energy in their careers. Some 62 per cent said freedom was the main advantage of being unattached.”

My Comment: Our selfishness has reached its maximum. The indicator of this is the dissolution of the basic unit of society, the family, and its replacement with other egoistic surrogates. The systemic crisis will force us to change our attitude to the world, and we will have to rise above our self-interest to the connection between us. The family will return, but in a new image, with a new goal: To achieve an upper harmony, people will create connections above their egoism, both in the family and in society.
[70175]

Related Material:
The Broken Connection Between Generations
America Retreats From Marriage
The End Of Human Development Or A New Beginning?

Filed under: Crisis, Family, Women - No Comments →