Question: When will I find out that I bestow and don’t receive?
Answer: You will know that you bestow when you feel that all of this is being done by the force of the Light that dresses into you and the Creator is acting through you, while you are an instrument in the hands of the force that has dressed into you. Then you really will be bestowing.
You bestow when you feel that you are happily outside of yourself, that you are in others, and there you perform upper actions. The Light operates within you. There is an inner spirit that pushes you and directs you. This is a sensation that cannot be mistaken for anything else!
But it comes as a result of all of the previous actions, which you make against your will. The most important is to desire bestowal! It’s as if you are trying to start up a car, again and again, until it finally starts working!
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/14/11, Shamati