Question: When I see my despicable egoism yet again, how can I not despair and simply succumb to it, thinking that it will never end?
Answer: A person must go through such states. Every time we reach a new spiritual degree, we undergo all of these states yet again, and it is absolutely necessary to come to total despair. But it’s only needed so that we clarify all of the states and pass through them. Every state builds the one that will follow it.
A person must lose faith in his or her personal power! And also, he must lose hope to receive help from Above. One has to go through all this: At each new degree, one relives the entire life anew, meaning that he undergoes all states.
The key is to prepare all the necessary tools for work, studies, and participation in dissemination and the life of the group. If a person adjusts this whole mechanism so that it works like a wind up clock, he won’t fall. I need to build a framework that will hold me as best it can.
I have to feel shameful about breaking this framework. The most powerful tool is the shame: at home, before the wife and children. How can it be that I won’t go to the lesson and won’t participate in a certain project? Let my pride prevent me from acting so.
When we experience a descent, we fall to the lowest, animate level of our “donkey” (Hamor or donkey comes from the word Homer or matter, desire). And I must prepare the kind of defense for myself that would make me feel ashamed even at the lowest degree, where I probably shouldn’t be feeling any shame or care about anything whatsoever. But I should still feel ashamed even at this degree.
The most powerful feeling a person may have is shame before his or her children. They know that parents will always forgive them and accept them just the way they are, and even the wife. But where the children are concerned, they are the ones who make us feel ashamed most—after all, they are our upper degree.
Hence, we should strive to prepare for ourselves conditions that prevent us from abandoning this path no matter what, that do not allow me to justify one claim of my egoism, try as I might…
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/5/2011, Shamati No. 56