We are controlled by egoistic desires, vessels of reception, although we do not know what this is. That’s because everything is attained from comparison; the advantage of Light is attained from darkness.
Nevertheless, once we receive a little bit of Light, we begin to feel that there is another form of existence besides vegetating in egoism. There is life in bestowal.
Only the Light creates these desires or Kelim in us, and inside of them this anticipation or weak sensation emerges. Then we begin to form a certain anticipation of bestowal. However, it only surfaces on the condition that a person can correctly place himself before this picture.
Right now this egoistic desire pulls me into its bosom. That is why I have to absorb the importance of the goal from the environment by attracting Light and taking steps toward it in spite of my desire.
After that, obstacles of a different sort are placed before me: I am shown what kind of pleasure is concealed in bestowal. Then I have to be salvaged from another danger: from falling into Klipa, which says, “Let’s enjoy bestowal. Do something for the sake of bestowal. And now do some more, and then some more….” Thus, exceeding the limits of my abilities, I begin to feel egoistic pleasure from bestowal. After all, enormous Lights become revealed to me instead of the thin glow we feel in our world.
That is how I become overtaken by a state that Kabbalistic books call “impurity” or “the fire of hell.” Today our egoism is giving us only a small challenge, not allowing us to come close to bestowal. But later on we will make our way into the worlds of impurity which will have to be corrected to bestowal. There, we will discover a cunning force, a great egoistic desire that opposes the Creator. It tells us, “Bestow, do as the Creator does. There is great pleasure contained in that act.” Will we be able to keep our footing in the face of it?
Right now we are placing a “screen” (Masach) against our receiving desire, whereas later on we will build real screens against the Light, against the pleasure of bestowal rather than reception.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/2/11, Writings of Rabash