The Torah, “Numbers,” 14:11 – 14:12: And the LORD said unto Moses: “How long will this people despise Me? and how long will they not believe in Me, for all the signs which I have wrought among them? I will smite them with the pestilence, and destroy them, and will make of thee a nation greater and mightier than they.”
The Torah describes everything using an earthly language that leads a person totally away from the usual spiritual direction. You focus yourself on a desire and suddenly the Creator says: “How long will these people despise Me?” as if it isn’t He who actually leads you along that path. It is His game.
Question: What is the meaning of the signs that the Creator gives the people?
Answer: As a person advances towards the state of entering the spiritual level, the land of Israel, he overcomes a great many obstacles, connects to the group, relies on mutual guarantee, and knows how to receive the Upper Light and how to work with it.
He wanders in the desert for 40 years, which means that he goes through 40 levels that separate the ego from entering altruism. But the point is that every level is higher than all the previous levels.
Therefore, no matter what he does, and no matter how righteous he is, he begins this level from a state of a complete wicked: feeling absolute lack of faith, completely detached from the Creator.
As it is said, all the noble actions will not help the righteous, although they may be great acts of charity, on the day they become absolute wicked.
How can a righteous person become wicked? Very simple: all the goodness he has been through is suddenly erased from his mind, so that he will feel that he is wicked now.
His whole righteous life suddenly turns upside down. How can that be? I have done so many good things: I loved that person, and I have given to another, and helped another, and connected with another. Suddenly it turns out that I have killed someone, beaten another, informed on another, and put another in jail. This means that all his good actions turn the other way around and become wicked.
This is what a person feels before he begins to work on the next level. What is more, with regard to the previous levels that become wicked, the level that he is facing now is also added to the ego. He sees that whatever he does, he does for himself, in order to satisfy his ego. All this seems terrible: lying, evil, betrayal, filth, scheming against those who are close to him and those who are more distant. They have treated him with all their love and soul while he has betrayed everyone, wishing only to use them. This is what a person reveals on the next level. So what can he do? What does he deserve? How should he approach this level when such giants stand in his way?
All his previous achievements turn to sins and a person sees how unworthy he is of the next level. But if the connection with the Creator is kept inside him, he can call out to Him. Then he receives help from Above and he realizes that it is only with the Creator’s help that he can correct his new sin, which is much greater than the sum of all his previous sins, and that the previous levels only helped him see his ego better so that he can now correct it.
Question: Does a person remember this bitter experience?
Answer: It keeps chasing us until the end of correction because it is essential so that we don’t lose our faith in the Creator, in the good inclination. This is the reason that we always blame ourselves, not realizing that He arranges all these actions for us, giving us different evil attributes, forcing us to perform forbidden acts, etc. But because we have no connection with Him, we don’t see that all this stems from Him, and we mistakenly relate everything to ourselves and blame ourselves for everything.
Question: Does a person have a feeling that everything will be better in the future?
Answer: A person lives only with what operates in his desires, in his vessels, in a certain moment. Therefore, it is a new dead end for him each time and then another such dead end, which seems like nothing he had experienced before. He fears what happened to him previously, but now his fear is even greater.
My teacher used to say to me that a person needs strong nerves for spiritual work. But on the other hand, the Creator gives us everything. In this work there are no heart attacks, no suicides, and no headaches: just as the Light comes, it also leaves. Just like a piston working in a cylinder, so does the Light have to constantly work in us.
From KabTV’s “Secrets of the Eternal Book” 4/15/15