In other words, the feeling must be prior to understanding. It is impossible to understand the reality we don’t feel. This doesn’t happen. Sometimes, it is possible to understand something in our world according to our imagination because we have models of feeling particular objects inside, and it is possible to imagine them in some form. But this is a problem.
Are we ready to imagine, let’s say, the taste of grapes with benzene? Which is to say, as long as we haven’t tangibly experienced something, Kelim (vessels) are not created in us since Kelim are desires, feelings, and before this, our brain has nothing to work with.
So, our problem with the Creator is that He is the only force, and we have the opportunity in our world to feel ourselves separate from Him, and this is the greatest thing that He ever did. He created something as if it exists outside of Him (existence from absence), and specifically from this nonexistence it is possible to begin to attain the Creator.
But it is impossible to understand Him with the intellect because He is characteristics, manners, and activities that are completely incomprehensible to us. Levels of approaching the Creator are according to the degree of equivalence with Him. The biggest problem of our getting closer is that with every step of our approach to the Creator, we must understand more and more—feel, know, and grasp inside of us—that all of our movements within our desires, thoughts, drives and plans, whatever they may be when we direct ourselves directly toward Him, and even any opposing activities when we want to twist and lie to ourselves, in all of this the Creator precedes us.
It makes no difference how we perceive ourselves, in whatever desires, thoughts or actions, we always discover Him first and, after that, ourselves. And where am I? It becomes clear that the “self” of each one of us is specifically in understanding the fact that the Creator is everywhere and one must adhere with Him at this point. So, the self gradually, in parts, in some point, will adhere with the Creator until reaching full equivalence with Him. This form is called Adam (Man).
However, for us, it is difficult to imagine this because everything must happen within our desires, and this will be realized only when we begin to move within our inner analysis toward the discovery of the Creator in everything inside of us and around us, according to the principle of “There is none else besides Him.”
What I am thinking now, this is His thought. Is my reaction to this thought also my reaction or His reaction? In what way can our thoughts be equivalent? In what way can I see the difference between Him and me? If I don’t agree with the thought that is aroused in me, it means that this disagreement comes from Him, and here it begins to become clear where my form still is not like His.
This is a very interesting analysis. In the beginning, it is tiresome. After that, it begins to be interesting. After all, this is a constant inner game that, in fact, adds to our life and gives it inner meaning, inner energy, a source of movement. If a person begins to search for the Creator in all of his drives, feelings and thoughts—even in movements that are unconscious and instinctive reactions—it means that he is searching for the way in which he is different from the Creator.
In the still, vegetative, and animate nature, the Creator manifests instinctively. Everything happens there according to particular laws. There are no problems, and all of the laws of nature are carried out precisely.
So we cannot have any complaints against animals, not can there be any complaints of animals against each other. Everything is in a particular balance: who eats whom and who exists at the expense of whom. Everything is defined from the start. Everything must exist this way. There is a precise and instinctive transmission of nature here. The Creator acts in them naturally and is not expressed in any form.
It is the same thing in regard to people in whom the Creator does not want to be revealed. He works instinctively. We see that all of the great politicians, economists, and in part also the scientists (there are those who already are conscious of their difference), not to mention the common people, all of them exist instinctively. The Creator is not revealed in regard to them.
In what way is He revealed to us? First, He compels us to search for the reason for our existence—meaning, to begin searching for Him—and brings us to a feeling as to where and in what way we are beginning to grow above our animate level. If I am involved in this now, I am trying to understand in what place in me, in my thoughts and feelings, I can grasp the Creator, where He constantly challenges me, manages me from within. This thought is related to the level of Adam. I want to rise above instinctive behavior and consciously recognize the management of the Creator, conscious from my point of view. This is precisely the way we must go.
Here, we gradually begin to detach from Him and connect with Him consciously, which is to say that previously I was under the instinctive management of the Creator: Everything that I did, all of my previous life specifically had to be like that. Everything is attributed to Him!
From this moment on, I want to feel His activity in all of my feelings, my desires, in whatever happens inside of me and, after that, decide if I agree with this action, how I can adhere with Him, but consciously.
In the beginning, I must feel that He—this is He, and I—this is I, and that He is doing something within me. Do I agree with His desires and thoughts with heart and mind, to what He is doing with me? If not, I must connect with Him and adhere to Him above my desire and thoughts. This is very great work. Here, I begin to separate myself from the Creator (this is called “analysis of the state”) and after that, make a correction, connecting myself to Him (this is called “correction and adhesion”).
The distance between Him and me is determined by my ego that I am beginning to discover within me, and the more that I work on myself, the more my ego grows from minus to an immense plus or from instinctive behavior to an awareness that He is the one who is acting this way, but I still agree with Him and move back toward Him. This proceeds conically, and we must connect these two systems within the middle line.
Through the understanding that without the ego we could not differentiate ourselves from Him, become an independent, created being, we give great contentment to the Creator. Only then do we begin to understand what existence from absence is, and from there we connect ourselves to “existence from existence.”
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/7/14