Comment: In today’s society there is such a convention that people enter into an intimate connection very rapidly after the first meeting. And there is a huge omission. In the public mind the sexual revolution is perceived as permissive.
Answer: And that is why we don’t get pleasure from sex. There is some kind of social convention that permits entering into very rapid intimate connection after barely meeting and knowing nothing about each another. And then we are missing all that immense supplement that leads to an explosion of the senses.
After all, what happens after the pair attains sexual satisfaction? It’s all done and nothing remains. That is how nature forces us to add an emotional component to this act, and if it is missing, we leave it empty. A moment later, our thoughts are already somewhere else. Maybe, we already are thinking about some other connection.
Fulfillment is possible only if we build such a system of relationship where the sexual act only complements it and is not performed only to satisfy the lowest level of a beastly urge. We must learn to love! First, it is up to us to build a common system of connections, mutual concession, mutual understanding, and pleasant contacts.
These are the systems that make it possible for one to feel the person internally and to learn how to bring him pleasure, and he will feel what I enjoy, what gives me pleasure. This is not talking about sex here. Rather, this is about all kinds of connections between us.
It is nice for us to be together, nice to talk, to see each other, nice to taste something that someone else offers, which is to say that these are all kinds of human expressions through which we can enjoy one another.
To love others as I do myself, I must first understand what his needs are and try to fulfill them, and my partner learns my needs and fulfills them. He must feel pleasure from me, and I want to enjoy him. When a connection like this is created between us in which each one is found within the other and fulfills the others’ needs, we already can reach an intimate closeness. It also indicates that we are found one within the other and are fulfilling our partner.
We are people with many talents, involved with a variety of things, and don’t always require attention from each other. Nevertheless, there is a latent need in each one of us that can be awakened at any moment and satisfied through a few tender words or a touch.
Question: I understand this technique, but nice words don’t always touch someone’s heart. What must I do to touch that inner point within a partner that is waiting secretly for my attention?
Answer: We start from afar, with soft words, to stimulate the person. This is the same approach as in every other kind of human relationship, not only between couples. You try to provide fulfillment and love for the partner.
“Courting” means that, first of all, I learn to understand who the person is with the help of all kinds of small and short checks, careful attempts. That is how I find the sensitive points in him so that, when I touch them, I can give him enjoyment. I must develop my relationship with these sensitive points and expand them more and more.
Through exercises like these, I awaken within the person a need for my attention. I continue to fulfill him: I say nice words to him, give some gift, discover concern and attention, and, in this way, I gradually get the person used to these fulfillments, just as I would tame an animal. Each one of us is built like that. Thanks to this, I form a need for fulfillment in him, for my good relationship with him.
Here, I stop my actions a bit, and then begin to fulfill my partner again—stop a bit, fulfill again. In this way I ignite him and awaken in him an even greater desire. This is the game that we play with one another. This is the game between two loving people who know how to keep their love on a low flame so that at any moment it will be possible to ignite it into a large flame.
This requires skill. I cannot repeat the same stock phrases, but I must adjust myself precisely to the desires of my partner. However, even that is not enough. After I adjust myself, I must begin to develop the desire, expanding it all the time through fulfillment. This is until habit becomes second nature. Then, my wife will feel such a strong need for my relationship towards her, and I feel the same thing about her.
So, it follows that we are building a common area between us. My need is built within her, and her need is built within me. This common area where we depend upon each other is the territory of our love.
From KabTV’s “A New Life” 6/9/13