Question: When I started studying Kabbalah [1] I started seeing the egoism [2] within myself and within other people. As a result I feel negativity towards myself and others. Is it normal?
Answer: This is absolutely normal! In the beginning of your Kabbalah studies you will feel worse and worse. This is a good sign. It means that you are advancing. I will explain why. First of all, you begin to see our world deeper: how everything is tied around egoism.
Second, you still exist at a small egoistic level: inanimate, vegetative, animal, levels of nature, and human. However, you have to be raised above this level and your egoism has to be developed to the next rung so you could start transforming it into the property of bestowal [3], into altruism [4].
Therefore, when you begin your Kabbalah studies, you feel worse about yourself and about the surrounding world. Every person goes through this period. It has to take place.
As an example, students who study medicine feel that they have all the diseases they study in school. The same happens with us.
In reality the egoism is not growing within you, but you begin to study it and you become engaged in it. As a result, you see it in brighter shades: how egoistic you are and how you don’t like and hate yourself and others. This is precisely because you study this disease called “egoism.” Therefore, everything is fine; you are in good health.
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From the International Summer Camp in Bulgaria 7/12/14 [5], Lesson 4
Related Material:
The Light Hurts Your Eyes That Are Used To The Dark [6]
Get Down To Pure Egoism [7]
Am I Righteous Or Am I A Sinner? [8]