Question: How can I advance if I need to reach a state where I don’t want the spiritual goal [1] at all, but wish to remain in material life?
Answer: I must attain the state of the shattered Reshimo de Aviut. I understand that I don’t want anything except remaining in a place that is comfortable for me. But together with this, there is a Reshimo de Hitlabshut in me, which is something from a level above this world.
On the one hand, I determine that I want to remain a beast. But together with this, I have a spiritual goal, a higher world, and I am suffering because I do not belong to it and remain on the level of this beast, and apart from that, I don’t need anything. I know that the beast will remain as such, and there is a higher level.
I really want to attain this higher level, and at the same time, according to the desire of my Aviut (thickness), I am only attracted to convenience and comfort, to remain in this dream. That is what my heart wants.
But the point in the heart [2] calls to me to go out and attain spirituality. It’s impossible to understand how these two conflicting opposites are in me. What do I need to do if I am torn between both of them? What will determine my choice?
[132156]
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/31/14 [3], Writings of Baal HaSulam
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The Elevator Between The Floors Of Attainment [6]