Question: I feel bad. I don’t know who I am. The Creator created the ego, the evil inclination, so where is the real me?

Answer: The truth is that at a certain point my ordinary self just disappears. Before I used to feel stable,  “on all fours”;  everything was fine, and now it is as if I am floating in the air without any support: “Who am I? What am I?”

Perhaps it’s good. Perhaps I will finally begin to ask what my life is based on.

Question: It would be good if I received an answer.

Answer: But at least I know that my previous state was fictitious. Now I have hope to overcome everything and to reach the truth.

Question: But what can I hold on to?

Answer: There is nothing to hold on to. I don’t think that it’s even worthwhile to hold on to anything. I have to enjoy the fact that I am “hanging in the air.” This is the real point, the moment of truth: I have nothing, nothing to hold on to. As much as I try to hold on to something, to cling to something, to find a safe secure place under someone’s protection, it is all lies. I prefer to float in the air than live in a lie.

Then in the air, I gradually begin to feel that my whole reality has a totally different basis. I don’t have to catch something on the outside anymore, to change my perspective, to adopt a certain philosophic approach, to yearn for a certain goal…  No, I need to look for something that isn’t in this world at all and is totally independent. Here I need to look for the force of bestowal: What can it be? In which dimension do I exist?

I cannot make this internal transition and then everything changes.
[121458]
From the 4^th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 11/25/13, Writings of Baal HaSulam

Related Material:
The Path Upwards From The Dark Mine Of Egoism
The “Good Signs” On The Way
How To “Place An Order For Bestowal”

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