How Does One Help A Friend?

Dr. Michael LaitmanQuestion: How can one help a friend correctly if we see that the evil inclination has been aroused in him and he accepts the thoughts that come to him as truths and convinces others of their truth?

Answer: A person found in a group begins to feel within himself all kinds of anti-spiritual inclinations as a result of his good work. We see how suddenly he is changed acutely. Moreover, he justifies his behavior. It is typical for everyone to justify himself.

First of all, you need to connect among you immediately (without him, even though he also wants to share in this), and discuss what to do about him very seriously.

Agree among yourselves as to how you will influence him. He needs to see how we are working to connect, that this is what is important and essential for us, for this is specifically what we are learning, and this is how we do it. About this, there is no argument. This must be so!

If he is opposed or something is not right for him, we simply show him, “You see, this is not our invention. This is what is written in the sources, and we carry out these conditions. Whoever doesn’t carry them out has no place here. Therefore, either stay and gradually be included in the general work, or go.”

It is necessary to show clearly and precisely that only the collective state of the group should determine his behavior, for connection is a general desire of all together, according to a single method for one goal.

It is forbidden in any way to condone such things! He has no right to chill and relax the hands of the others! We must let him understand clearly that we relate negatively to his behavior, but it is necessary to do this gently, gradually approaching vital explanations. We must agree among ourselves to distance from him so that he will see that we continue to connect and support each other, and so forth. If he will not adhere to us it is a sign that his place is not here.

It is necessary to explain to him (with love, you see, we want him to stay), that, to our sorrow, we don’t see the right behavior in him appropriate for the requirements of the spiritual method, therefore, either he surrenders himself to the group, or if not then he will harm it and so for his own good it would be better for him to go.

However, even if he goes, this must be done so that he will have the possibility of returning. For example, it is possible to offer him the option, “You don’t need to come every day. Come when you want to be included in the group.” It could be that he will come once every two weeks, and after that it could be that he will return completely.
From the St. Petersburg Convention “Day One” 7/12/13, Lesson 2

Related Material:
Helping The Wounded In The Battle Against The Evil Inclination
The Ego Tends To Protect “Its Territory”
Not Negotiable

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