For Some Reason I Don’t Feel Like Anything

Dr. Michael LaitmanBaal HaSulam, “Matan Torah (The Giving of the Torah),” Item 8: This matter is like a rich man who took a man from the market and fed him and gave him gold and silver and all desirables every day. And each day he showered him with more gifts than the day before. Finally, the rich man asked, “Do tell me, have all your wishes been fulfilled?” And he replied, “Not all of my wishes have been fulfilled, for how good and how pleasant it would be if all those possessions and precious things came to me through my own work, as they have come to you, and I would not be receiving the charity of your hand.” Then the rich man told him: “In this case, there has never been born a person who could fulfill your wishes.”

It is impossible to shake off the feeling of shame by some external actions. The only way to do so is to receive in order to bestow.

Question: Doesn’t the state of Hafetz Hesed neutralize the shame? After all what do I have to be ashamed of if I only want to bestow?

Answer: Suppose you brought me a present and I say:

– “You know that I really don’t need this. I don’t like it. And why did you give it to me in the first place if I don’t need anything? I don’t want your presents.”

– ” But I tried so hard, I have looked for so long, I wanted to please you and to express my love so much…”

– “But I don’t need anything, you didn’t have to come.”

Either, I outright reject the person, hate him, or there is no connection between us and I feel no urge to correct anything. This means that it isn’t a state of Hafetz Hesed at all.

In fact, it is about my desire and not about signs of love that people around me show me. When I am in a state of Hafetz Hesed it means that all I want is to bestow; I am ready to receive the whole world from you. Bring it to me; I have the right vessels. I will gladly receive everything with love and infinite delight and at the same time I will remain Hafetz Hesed.

It is about my vessels and not about the revelation of the connection with others. I may not need your present or I may really want it, but I ascend and receive it not because I want it. I ascend to the level of Hafetz Hesed and even higher and receive it in the vessels of bestowal in order to bestow pleasure back unto you.

We are always in the desire to receive; we either enjoy or suffer. Therefore, the state of Hafetz Hesed is not a lifeless wall that rejects any receiving. It is a level of correction of my desires to receive and it doesn’t forbid me from receiving what I want at all.

Question: But I dedicate myself to the goal of creation…

Answer: Yes, in this state you don’t need anything and you still receive a present and still want only Hassadim. It is the same state but in addition to it you work with additional desires and constantly add new forms.

This is the spiritual work, it is varied and multi-layered.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/24/12, Matan Torah (The Giving of the Torah)”

Related Material:
“I Want Only To Bestow”
The Benefit Of Spiritual Shame
There Is No Safer Place Than A Mother’s Arms

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