Don’t Patch Up Old Relationships, Build Them Anew

Dr. Michael LaitmanThe closest connection that exists in each of our lives is the connection within the family, between the husband and wife. But it doesn’t matter how much we might want, it is impossible to give any miraculous prescriptions or instantly applicable advice of what to do in order to settle relations in the family.

Once in the past, it was possible, but today it doesn’t work anymore. Today, what is needed is that a person, first of all, corrects his general relation to life, to himself, and the people around him, his relation to the world he lives in. Only after the course of integral education, after the development of consciousness and the grasping of the new world inside him, to the “new person” that develops in him, will it be easy to build new systems of good relationships. In this way, he will transform his life to happiness and be rid of all the problems he is surrounded with today.

One must build educational systems that will mold the person. And then, to the extent that the person changes, he will begin to build proper and corrected relations with others, including the marital relationship. For this reason, this subject doesn’t only belong to married couples, but also to single people. They also feel that they aren’t settled, that they don’t fit in within the family framework.

First of all, we must understand that divorce doesn’t solve any problems and it is worthwhile for us to build a completely new system of relations. It isn’t possible to continue as usual and to hope that everything will work out differently in the new family. You can be sure that there will be the same problems.

It is exactly for this reason that people today don’t want to get married, since already in advance they assume that their attempt won’t be successful. It looks like a natural phenomenon. Why would a person resign himself to trouble he sees in advance? We see how many problems an unsuccessful marriage can bring, ending in divorce, and how much the ruined relationships of people who are close to us costs in terms of money, health, time, and nerves.

Thus a person abstains in advance from building a family. We see this tendency everywhere. In all countries, there is a similar picture. Thus, before one builds a new person, it is impossible to talk about building a system of relations for couples.

Once it was possible to repair them with the help of talks with a psychologist, with certain affirmations. Man’s ego still wasn’t as big as it is today when he doesn’t agree to any compromises. And man isn’t to blame, he simply is not able to agree.

We have developed to a situation where a person wants to stay a child all his life or to be completely free and allowed to do anything. He doesn’t want to commit or limit himself to anything. He expects his wife to be like a mother and to excuse him for everything and not to demand anything from him, but to flood him in an ocean of love, no matter how he behaves.

Usually, this relationship is typical of men. However, also women have changed their relation to marriage and even if there are children, they aren’t afraid to change husbands or to become and remain single.

It’s a wonder, but today a woman with a child is able to build a new family quickly and receive much more than a woman without children. Men don’t see someone else’s child as an obstacle to marriage. Surprising they don’t rush to and aren’t interested in having children of their own, but they are ready to marry a woman with a child. He doesn’t see any obstacle in this. This phenomenon is certainly prominent in our times.

In years past, on the contrary, a woman with a child, after a divorce, found it very hard to remarry. It was only seldom that someone would agree to take a woman with a child. Each one wanted to have children of his own. This means that there are a number of phenomena that are characteristic of our time that we need to take into account.
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

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